I have this girl who really-really liked me, and I liked her and things were developing nicely. However we had a nasty falling out from me teasing her one day. She took me seriously and I was only playing with her. She called me really nasty names. I tried to apologize later but she told me there would never be anything between us again. So I told her to stop talking to me and if there was nothing between us then we might as well be strangers. This really angered her. Things have cooled off. I moved on and she has since found a boyfriend. But after a month or so, things started to happen.


Recently, every time we are together in the same room she keeps staring at me, looking at me from across the room. Even my friends bring her looks to my attention. Recently I overheard her talking to her friend and she mentioned she likes something of mine that I know is NOT part of her life. Another time I was standing near a wall waiting for a friend and she starting walking towards me, I thought to talk to me, but instead just passed by squeezing between me and the wall, then making the same pass again in the opposite direction, brushing shoulders with me. I never said anything to her because we were not talking.

Finally, and this is really weird. Fearing she might be playing games with me, I decided to stay completely away from her, zero visual contact, out of sight out of mind. This went on for a month until a mutual friend of ours on Facebook posted a message on her timeline which was clearly reaching out to a guy. Here is the basics of that message:

“Just because we don't talk anymore, doesnt mean that i've Forgotten about you. It doesn't mean that I no longer care. Truth is, I still do. I do my best to check up on you, to see what you are doing. But Every time I get the urge to talk to you, it suddenly hits me that, we are strangers, you don't want me in your life, hence the reasn why i'm no longer a part of yours. But even though everything's changed; I just want you to know that i'm still here. I do things, ever so subtle, to let you know you are on my mind. I hope you don't hesitate to talk to me because half the time, I wish that you were talking to me. I just really miss you, your presence, and wish you would come around. If this gets to you then I hope you understand.”

If it wasn't our mutual friend who posted this I would have thought it was my ex talking to me. There are just too many similarities in that message towards me and my ex. I questioned the friend about the post and she brushed it off in saying “oh it was nothing… just some thoughts”

So I don't know what that was. But despite a BF, I am clearly on this girls mind when she does see me, but WHY? What is she doing?

Whet should you do.. ask her what she wants would be a good start !

You fear she is playing games? I do too - staring, brushing close to you twice, getting a friend to post HER words.
She's suffering from what so many people do: she can't stand that you took the breakup so easily. She wants you to be on your knees, begging (you TRIED) but she knows that she refused, and wants to feel you out without getting rejected.

If you get back together, it will be the SAME THING ALL OVER AGAIN, unless she suddenly grows up. You might have to too. How old are you both?

Vague booking is vague.

How old are the lot of you?

What tickle said is the best advice out there. Trying to descern her meanings and thoughts indirectly will lead to an interpretation skewed by your own thoughts and her perceived desires as interpreted by you. Which means that you won't actually know what is going on. Does she regret her earlier actions? Who knows. Does she want to try again? Couldn't tell you. Does she want to corner you on the playground and "Steal your lunch money?". Maybe. You need to talk to her to figure it out. If you don't then you'll either regret what could have been or misinterpret things and cause a greater mess.

One thing to keep in mind though, if you sense of humour turned her away once, it will probably do it again. Which is a fancy way of saying, don't throw good money after bad, or if it didn't work out initially then it probably won't the second time around.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

You fear she is playing games? I do too - staring, brushing close to you twice, getting a friend to post HER words.
She's suffering from what so many people do: she can't stand that you took the breakup so easily. She wants you to be on your knees, begging (you TRIED) but she knows that she refused, and wants to feel you out without getting rejected.

If you get back together, it will be the SAME THING ALL OVER AGAIN, unless she suddenly grows up. You might have to too. How old are you both?

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I am 20 she is 18 - both in junior college. I have been told that a person such doing what she's doing might not be happy with her current guy, and is missing me, but is afraid to come back as a sign of weakness, or showing to me she's giving in. So I was wondering by posting my question here I might get answers to back that up or new ones too. Thanks for your input.

Ridicules to be confused. Why are you even playing these juvenile mind games between you, her, your friends, and her friends. She dumped you for whatever reason, AND has a new guy.

You both could have talked directly to each other, and ended this confusion, but that hasn't happened and I doubt it will. If you are going to ignore the girl, then ignore being confused also. Girls can be confusing! You never know what on their mind.

Don't do anything foolish.

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Originally Posted by Tbolt47

I am 20 she is 18 - both in junior college. I have been told that a person such doing what she's doing might not be happy with her current guy, and is missing me, but is afraid to come back as a sign of weakness, or showing to me she's giving in. So I was wondering by posting my question here I might get answers to back that up or new ones too. Thanks for your input.

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We can't back anything up, we don't know what she's thinking, or what she's doing, or why she's doing it. Only she knows that. If you want to know what's going on, talk to her, that's the only way you'll find out what she's thinking.

Sounds to me like she maybe wants to be friends with you, that she misses your friendship.

Don't know why. Sounds like you were pretty mean to her based on what you posted, and she would probably be better off without you. Just my opinion based on your post.

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Originally Posted by Alty

We can't back anything up, we don't know what she's thinking, or what she's doing, or why she's doing it. Only she knows that. If you want to know what's going on, talk to her, that's the only way you'll find out what she's thinking.

Sounds to me like she maybe wants to be friends with you, that she misses your friendship.

Don't know why. Sounds like you were pretty mean to her based on what you posted, and she would probably be better off without you. Just my opinion based on your post.

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Don't know how I could be "mean" She didn't take my joking and got mad at me and called me the nasty names. Even after the name calling I returned to apologize for teasing her but she was the one that was unforgiving & non-understanding when I returned to apologize. Sounds like its her that is being "Mean." Only after that did I tell her not to talk anymore. It was her that got mad after that. So how am "I" the mean one? Now after time, she starting coming back with all this subtle signs of wanting something, its Not me going to her.
It's clear you are sympathetic to Women and only see their side. Thanks for your opinion.

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Originally Posted by Tbolt47

Don't know how I could be "mean" She didn't take my joking and was the one that got mad at me and called me the nasty names. Even after the name calling I returned to apologize for teasing her but she was the one that was one that gor mad, then was unforgiving & non-understanding when I returned to apologize. That to me sounds like it was her that is mean. That is why I told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore. It was only after time, she starting coming back with all this subtle signs of wanting something... thanks anyway for your opinion,

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You made jokes, and they obviously upset her. Instead of immediately saying "I'm sorry, it was a joke, I didn't realize it would upset you so much, I'll never do that again and I'm so sorry I upset you", you then told her you never want to talk to her or see her again, she is now a stranger.

Whatever joke you made obviously upset her, it wasn't something she was okay with. Now you didn't know that until she reacted, but after she reacted you should have apologized profusely, and talked about it. Instead you dumped her and didn't just dump her, you told her never to talk to you or be near you again.

Does that sound okay to you?

I would have guessed middle school. If you both want an adult relationship behave as adults. Games are played in middle school.

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Originally Posted by Alty

You made jokes, and they obviously upset her. Instead of immediately saying "I'm sorry, it was a joke, I didn't realize it would upset you so much, I'll never do that again and I'm so sorry I upset you", you then told her you never want to talk to her or see her again, she is now a stranger.

Whatever joke you made obviously upset her, it wasn't something she was okay with. Now you didn't know that until she reacted, but after she reacted you should have apologized profusely, and talked about it. Instead you dumped her and didn't just dump her, you told her never to talk to you or be near you again.

Does that sound okay to you?

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I DID say I was sorry right then and there, when it happen. Okay, here's what happened: We were talking about music. She said she forgot the name of a song she really likes and listens to all the time. So I laughed and she got made at me for laughing at her, and tried to justify her "forgetfulness" by saying she forgets a lot of things and then said "I even forgot your name when we first met." I was like "WHAT?" To be honest I was a bit annoyed at that - but I kept my cool but it was then that I teased her- saying "What? you forgot my name... how could you forget my name... that's it we're done" And I said it with a smile giving her a little nudge on the shoulder. Well, She thought I was be serious, She snapped, and stormed out - I followed her and I said "geez I am just kidding with you, I'm sorry!" but she didn't stop or come back, she just stormed out. Later that night I went to go see her and she was very nice. I told her I was just messing with her and that I didn't know she would be so upset. She seemed fine with it, we held each other for a while, and I left. But then she text me and that is when she said there was would be nothing between us. And I text her saying "I don't want to talk to her anymore. I don't want to be just friends - and so I guess from here on out we are "strangers"

A month or so passed with neither of us talking - but she did a lot of looking at me, in that time she hooked up with this other guy, but then she started all the other things I mentioned in my original post - that is what got me confused.

I hope that clarifies things a bit.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

I would have guessed middle school. If you both want an adult relationship behave as adults. Games are played in middle school.

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How the HELL AM I the one playing the games? I told her to go away - move on and leave me alone. SHE IS THE ONE THAT KEEPS COMING TO ME!! I AM NOT GOING TO HER. THAT IS WHY I AM ON HERE ASKING FOR ADVICE IN THE FIRST PLACE!! TO BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE IS DOING...

SORRY - BUT please understand what you read before you comment with useless help!

Caps were impressive. Not really.

Here's the deal. Recognize drama when it happens. She forgot. You laughed. She got mad. She said she forgot your name in the beginning. You got mad. It's she gets mad and you get mad. It's drama dude. Regardless if you admit it and regardless how many caps you use responding drama sucks in a relationship. It always has and it always will. So if she (and possibly you) are willing to throw this much drama unto the beginning of whatever you want to call this, move on. It's not worth it.

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Originally Posted by Tbolt47

How the HELL AM I the one playing the games? I told her to go away - move on and leave me alone. SHE IS THE ONE THAT KEEPS COMING TO ME!! I AM NOT GOING TO HER. THAT IS WHY I AM ON HERE ASKING FOR ADVICE IN THE FIRST PLACE!! TO BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE IS DOING...

SORRY - BUT please understand what you read before you comment with useless help!

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Caps were impressive. Not really.

Here's the deal. Recognize drama when it happens. She forgot. You laughed. She got mad. She said she forgot your name in the beginning. You got mad. It's she gets mad and you get mad. It's drama dude. Regardless if you admit it and regardless how many caps you use responding drama sucks in a relationship. It always has and it always will. So if she (and possibly you) are willing to throw this much drama unto the beginning of whatever you want to call this, move on. It's not worth it.

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Okay smarty pants... I will do this with no caps, just to make you feel good. I again ask you to understand what you read. You clearly are only seeing, reading and understanding what you want to and not what is actually there. I clearly said "i kept my cool" when she said she forgot my name. I clearly said " i teased her with a smile and nudged her." Yes I was feeling annoyed inside, but as stated I kept my cool. So where did I say I was "mad" at her as you say in your reply? I just joked with her. She is the only one that got mad out all this. She was the one that stormed out, not me.

That's what I am saying. Recognize drama and keep your distance from it. Regardless if you did anything wrong or not, noting we have only heard your side of the story, why would you want to be around drama. You're asking for advice about this girl in hopes of what? She has a boyfriend now I think I read. Move on. People that start this much drama so early escalate in creating drama. I guarantee that if we were to talk to the current boyfriend he would say there was a ton of drama. I promise you that drama free relationships are incredible. I've been in one for almost 5 years and that was after a 20+ year marriage and raising 2 incredible boys. So yes I am a smarty pants. And thanks for the capless response.

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Originally Posted by Tbolt47

Okay smarty paints... I will do this with no caps, just to make you feel good. I again ask you to understand what you read. You clearly are only seeing, reading and understanding what you want to and not what is actually there. I clearly said "i kept my cool" when she said she forgot my name. I clearly said " i teased her with a smile and nudged her." Yes I was feeling annoyed inside, but as stated I kept my cool. So where did I say I was "mad" at her as you say in your reply? I just joked with her. She is the only one that got mad out all this. She was the one that stormed out, not me.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

That's what I am saying. Recognize drama and keep your distance from it. Regardless if you did anything wrong or not, noting we have only heard your side of the story, why would you want to be around drama. You're asking for advice about this girl in hopes of what? She has a boyfriend now I think I read. Move on. People that start this much drama so early escalate in creating drama. I guarantee that if we were to talk to the current boyfriend he would say there was a ton of drama. I promise you that drama free relationships are incredible. I've been in one for almost 5 years and that was after a 20+ year marriage and raising 2 incredible boys. So yes I am a smarty pants. And thanks for the capless response.

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I could tell from your response you have years on me. That's why I said "smarty pants" Anyway, My original reason for coming here in the first place is to get some ideas from others, as to why this girl keeps coming to me, after we both moved on and why she seeks attention from someone (me) who she said there would be nothing between us. That's all. I just felt that maybe after a month or so of being away from each other, that she might have missed us, and that she might be unhappy with the current guy and wanted to come back to me but just didn't know (in her eyes) how to do that. But in the end, you are right - she is drama or she wouldn't have flipped out and snapped at me in the first place. Thanks for advice!

You're welcome and good luck. Sorry if I was a little rough. I just hate useless drama.