I am scared. So scared, and I have always wanted to be brave, and I have always failed at that. I like home. I like sitting with my books. I have no reason to feel so sad, so alone. My family is not very big-my mom, my two year old labrador Aidan and my books of course. And my best friends. Even though my mom and I have moved so far apart emotionally, that we are practically strangers. I tell her things, she tells me her stuff but my mom shields her heart. Always has since my dad died nineteen years ago.

We always end up fighting. We can't engage in any conversation without it ending in a fight. But she loves me and I love her. I want to make her proud. Want to give her a reason to be proud of me. I have a set goal, I have dreams and I... it wasn't like I had a very big social circle ever. But in school I had best friends. Three amazing best friends. I am lucky enough to still have them, but I can't go on being sad in front of them always. I want to be optimistic and not so sad anymore.

School is over, of course and I am in college. And I am so so lonely. I am not unkind. I never refuse to help. I am always smiling, people talk to me and are on first-name basis when we have exams and when they want answers. And I tell myself, that its okay that they will talk, that even if they didn't, I'd have Aidan and my book. I have always, always tried to make everyone happy. I have been careful of hurting anyone's feelings. I am so sorry. I don't know what to feel?

Am I being silly and self -centered? Am I overreacting over the fact that I sit in class and see them talk to each other but not to me that I might miss college and no one even asks me why, that they make fun of me and my clothes and my shoes and my books. I should not care. I just... needed someone to talk to. Someone to give me answers because I can't find them anywhere.

You sound like a normal, shy, introvert, who is making his transition to a broader, wider, unfamiliar, new environment.

You sound a bit homesick. Or missing high school friends but have made no new friends yet. I think you will. Right now all you notice are the ill mannered boogey brats who ridicule and make fun of people. They are insecure and run in packs, but look around at all the other quiet types who attract little attention, and are going through what you are.

There are many with old clothes and shoes, that don't run in packs, and are as scared and feeling alone as you are. Many are new to this environment, you are not alone, just new in transition from high school, to college life is all. Ask any question you want. There will be others here to talk to.

It's surprising that in college others will still make fun of your clothing and such. How old are you? I know college age in some countries is younger than in others.
Are there any school clubs or organizations of interest that you could join? Since you enjoy books, what about a literature club, or consider starting a book club. There are bound to be other students who enjoy reading. You could speak to a well liked instructor about it.
As talaniman said, the transition from high school to college can be a big adjustment, you are naturally much more on your own and often have to work more at making connections with others.
Are you studying something of interest? You said that you have dreams and goals... what are they?