I have been dating for the same guy for three years. But I have kissed other guys while we are still together and I don't consider that cheating personally. I don't sleep with any of them, I only sleep with my boyfriend. And for the record, I love my boyfirend so much! But still I don't see a problem with getting a smooch once in a while from a guy. So according to you, am I a cheat or what?

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Originally Posted by SOCHA

I have been dating for the same guy for three years. But I have kissed other guys while we are still together and I don't consider that cheating personally. I don't sleep with any of them, I only sleep with my boyfriend. And for the record, I love my boyfirend so much! But still I don't see a problem with getting a smooch once in a while from a guy. So according to you, am I a cheat or what?

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It is not really what we think, but what you and your boyfriend agree are the boundaries. For some, kissing is not a problem, for others it is.

I think you need to examine why you want or need physical contact with people other than your boyfriend.

Sit down with your boyfriend and discuss the boundaries of good behavior. Listen to what he thinks. Explain what you think. Find common ground.

Personally, while I have no problem with my husband flirting, I would be extremely upset if he acted as you say you do. I understand that more goes into kissing than just lips touching. There is a build up to a kiss that generally involves attraction unless it is a quick, chaste kiss on the cheek or a greeting between friends/family. I don't think you are talking about a quick kiss on the cheek.

If you are acting on your attraction to males other than your boyfriend, then do you really believe you are not cheating? Are you okay with him kissing other females?

In a serious, committed relationship, which is one where both parties trust each other, breaking that trust, includes smooching other guys. It is not innocent behavior, and in my world, it would indeed be considered cheating.

It is also less than honourable behavior, if the men you are kissing, have girlfriends. You would then be stabbing them in the back, which isn't a very nice thing to do to another woman.

You can do only one of two things. Stop yourself from crossing that line into being lip-locked with men, or tell your boyfriend up front what you've done, and give him the opportunity to decide whether it is something he finds absolutely unforgivable and dumps you like a hot potato.

You sound very young, but I see that you are at least 25.
Is this the same man who had condoms in his car?
To me, this question depends on 3 questions to you first:
Do you keep this smooching from your boyfriend?
Does he smooch other women?
Do the men you smooch have hopes from you, or are they fully aware that you are dedicated to your boyfriend?

Then there's the definition of smooch.
How much open mouth is there?
How many seconds does it last?
Is anyone you both know watching?

I won't comment on cheating. I don't think it's a nice thing to do, or fair, unless you both do it and both know and agree with it.
I'd put it in the category of teasing.
Some couples thrive on that, an approved level of teasing and light jealousy to keep their own fires buring.

The one to judge your behavior is your boyfriend so if you haven't told him about it, then yes you are cheating and worse, deceiving him about it. If it were innocent then you wouldn't have to hide it, so that's the question, is kissing other guys done behind his back or NOT?

Why do you think its an okay thing to do?

Does your boyfriend know you are kissing others and is OK with it?
If not, you are cheating.

I think the Ball is in your court, lots of good advice above, now it is your turn. Are you cheating?

If you didn't think it was a problem you would happily share this with the one you supposedly "love so much." I might be old school but my definition of love is totally different, and thank goodness my partner feels the same. And once you tell him every expect him to start checking your phone and email because the trust will be gone. Or do you have passwords on those things so he can't even now. Bottom line is until you appreciate what true love is you won't have it or know it.

Would it be okay with you for your boyfriend to be kissing other girls? Are these guy friends you kiss in greeting, or are they guys you feel an attraction to and the kiss is more than a quick "hello good to see you"? YOU know the difference. As was suggested, ask your boyfriend if he feels it is cheating to him... after all, that is all that really matters on the topic... what he considers cheating, or even appropriate.

Tons of great advice already posted, and I couldn't agree more, couldn't rep all of them, had to spread it around first.

Bottom line, if this were innocent and not cheating, you'd tell your boyfriend about it, you wouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers.

I'm married, have been for almost 20 years. I can tell you that if my husband kissed another woman, or women, I'd consider it cheating. That's not a boundary I'm comfortable with him crossing. I also don't kiss other men, not romantically, and that's what you seem to be saying that you're doing. A peck on the cheek, or a quick peck on the mouth with old friends, is much different than a romantic kiss. I'm okay with him giving a quick peck to women we both know, and he's okay with me doing the same to men we both know. We're a very huggy kissy family.

But going around kissing men, and you make the distinction that you don't sleep with them, you only kiss them, meaning it's more than just a peck between old friends, it's romantic.

Unless your boyfriend that you love so much is okay with you going around romantically kissing other men, it's cheating.

Depends, how would you feel if he was kissing other girls? If you'd be pissed, or would be ashamed to tell him what you've been doing then yeah- its cheating. At the end of the day, your gut will tell you what's right and wrong!

Thank you for all the responses. Great advice.made me realise some things. Thank you all

You're very welcome. Keep us posted, and if you need advice, we're here. We're blunt, we'll tell you the truth, but if that's what you want, it's a good thing. Obviously the truth made you think about things, and that's good for both you and the boyfriend.

I wish you the best of luck. :)