2 weeks ago, my finance of whom I lived with, moved out within hours of telling me he was no longer in love me, never was IN love with me and never would be. He owes me a TON of money. I found out a few days ago, he's already with another woman and was with her the next day after he moved out. She lives 3 1/2 hours away. WHY and HOW can men do this? We were having some problems and to be honest, I probably did a lot of the damage in the relationship because of my anger issues of which I started to go to therapy for 2 months ago. It was enough for him. He is a runner? Once it gets tough he's gone. We are now having to go to court because of the money he owes me. This is my doing because I literally flipped when I found out he was with someone else. I guess I just needs some answers and opinions.

Oh and we were together for almost 2 years :(

What is your question?

I guess I want to know how someone can move on so quickly? Literally, the next day. Also, is going to court the right thing to do to get my money back? Am I just being mean and vindictive.

Unfortunately he was your fiancé, but not your husband. Until you married him, your assets are not marital assets. You may have chose to share and mix and mingle the money/credit cards etc. but I don't know how this would go in court. If you can prove by way of a promissory note, or an email or text saying he knows he owes you 'x' amount of money, you might have a shot at it.

Because you say he owes you a LOT of money, it might be worth your while to speak to an attorney for some guidance on whether it is worth your while to sue.

As to the relationship. You may think he moved so quickly- literally the next day as you said. But, chances are, he didn't move quickly, and had already been seeing another woman long before you found out about it. He moved in with her right away, and she wasn't a stranger, obviously.

You need time to sort through the resulting end of the relationship. While money may be an obvious part go after, if it is just vindictive on your part, why put yourself through it. If you can afford to let it go, and learn a big lesson about yourself, and relationships (what you want and don't want in the future for example), it may not be worth the grief. He still won't answer for his behavior, and you won't have the opportunity to answer for your part either.

And sadly, many, many, many people never see the end coming. Maybe it was a blessing that it ended fast, instead of dragging things out probably knowing it wasn't going to work out.

Another plus might be, that you haven't invested half your life with this man, and had two or three kids. You have your freedom now, and that is precious after such a loss. Give yourself time to grieve, and come to terms with the end of it all. He is now out of the picture, and you are free of beating a dead horse so to speak, and have time. And it will take time.

Next time around, realize too that a relationship of not even two years, is not enough time to completely and totally trust a person. That you were already a fiancé and planning to marry this man, turns out to have been a big mistake. You let faith and rose coloured glasses cloud your vision. In time I think you will see the truth in keeping your independence (and bank balance) in check, no matter who you end up in a serious relationship with.

You just never know.

I'd go to court, but the fact that you lived together, shared a home and expenses together, may make it hard to get your money back. Unless you have an IOU, signed by him, stating that he borrowed the money and will pay you back, you probably won't win in court. But it's worth a try.

As for moving on so quickly, I don't think that's the case. From the sounds of it he moved on a long time before he actually made the actual choice to leave and tell you that he was no longer in love with you. Sadly for you it was quick, because he didn't tell you how he was feeling. But for him it was likely months, if not years, of feeling that it wasn't working out and that he'd eventually leave.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It will get better, not right away, but eventually.

I wish you luck in court.

Google small claims limits for your state. There's a filing fee of about $50, which you get awarded IF you win, but even if you win, you may never get a dime out of him. The court doesn't take it out of any accounts or paychecks.

Without proof, you don't stand a lot of chance. How much does he owe?

I'm embarrassed to even say. We were building a life together. I trusted and loved him. I was very stupid. It's a substantial amount. An amount that I could file bankruptcy because of.

He has responded via email that "I will get the money owed to me in due time". This was in response to a detailed breakdown of what he owes me.

If he sent you an email, save it, print it, save it, save it, save it. If you can get him to admit to an amount, that would be even better.

Having said that, if you're planning to go to small claims with this, there is a limit to the amount you can sue for. You can ask for the maximum where you live if the amount owed exceeds that allowed where you live, but you can't ask for more. If you want the full amount you're not looking at small claims, you're looking at a much harder process and much more expensive. You'll need a lawyer.

"We were having some problems and to be honest, I probably did a lot of the damage in the relationship because of my anger issues of which I started to go to therapy for 2 months ago." Could this be part of the reason he left?

The good news is that you lost a lot of dead weight from this lying, cheating, coward, and you have a confession of what he owes you in writing. The better news is you are free to heal, regroup, and do a lot better after this expensive lesson learned.

Pay a lawyer his fee, and cut your losses. You made a bad choice and probably could stand some anger management but this was hardly sudden, or even unexpected. You will see that in time I think, and be a lot more cautious with your time and MONEY.

You missed a bullet here. He is not an honorable man. Even if you never see the lost money, you win the lottery when he left because you were spared many times worse, and a bad marriage. But the court doesn't care a lot about honor and morals. If you can dmonstrate that he owes the money with a promissory note, or both names being on a debt or something like that, go for it. But if you informally paid for stuff without a clear understandng he owed you, just move on. It could be hard to demonstrate you expected repayment if you lived together and anticipated being married and lived a financial reality of sharing whatever you had.