Hello everyone,

I have never posted on here before, but I really need some advice. I know what I have done is wrong, so would really appreciate some advice, rather than abuse (which may be deserved).

For the past month, I have been sleeping with a girl from work, who has a boyfriend. I really like her, we get on so well and it genuinely is much more than just sex for me. I think about her all day, everyday, even though I wish I didn't. We go for lunch together, meet up to walk to work, and meet up outside of work when we can.

I didn't want to become attached to her but now I am. She tells me she likes me and that she misses me when I'm not around. The issue is I don't know where this is going. If she really did like me, then why is she still with her boyfriend? I know what we are doing is wrong but I am so into her. I guess two questions really:

1. Is it as simple as if she really liked me she would split up with her boyfriend?
2. Do I try and ask her what she sees happening in the future? i.e. where this is going or is it just fun for her?

Any feedback would be hugely appreciated. As this is affecting my mind and sadly work to some extent.

1. Is it as simple as if she really liked me she would split up with her boyfriend?

She is cheating and enjoying the best of both world, so doesn't have to dump her boyfriend for you. I mean, why should he make such a choice? So NO, its not that simple.

2. Do I try and ask her what she sees happening in the future? i.e. where this is going or is it just fun for her?

You can ask, but if she lies and cheats on her boyfriend, what makes you think she will tell you the truth?

You are so caught up in this workplace affair, you can't see the forest for the trees and assume LUST may be love. WORSE, You assume her lust is love for you, even if its fun for you both and feels good. You may want more now, caught up in NEW LUST, but you cannot ignore the possibility of her cheating with you, and may cheat on you even if she did jump from him, to YOU.

You are not thinking very clearly (if at all), or logically are you, knowing you are doing wrong by helping her cheat. LOL, if not you, someone else.

Consider that her boyfriend most likely believes that she is an honest and faithful girlfriend. Now you know that she isn't, so that would be what you have to look forward to... a girlfriend who can't be trusted.

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Sometimes things happen that may cause a partner to wonder, and that is where faith in your partner comes in. She has already given you proof that she isn't faithful or ready to be in a serious relationship. She might be better off just dating people for now.

Set your standards higher, and expect higher standards from others.

You are cheating with a woman who is also cheating. That line should never have been crossed under any circumstances. When you do decide to cross that line, as you have, there is nothing innocent about it, or honourable, or honest. Both cheating partners now have to lie in order to cheat, and fool coworkers as well as the boyfriend as long as they can.

Nothing can come of cheating. Absolutely nothing. If the boyfriend does find out, and rightly boots his cheating girlfriend out, she will deserve it. She will turn around and tell you, that HE was emotionally/physically abusive, never spent time with her, flirted with other women, etc. etc. etc. Anything to put the blame on him, in order to make you, and herself, somehow feel that even without the cheating between the two of you, her relationship with her boyfriend would have ended anyway.

Think about some sort of moral compass here. Where are you on a scale of 1 to 10, and where is she on a scale of 1 to 10. Does it really matter if you are a 7 and she's an 8? Any reasonably intelligent adult would aim to be available, before getting into a relationship, particularly if they are already in one!

My advice to you is to end the relationship, and feel a little pride in doing the right thing, for yourself. Should she ever be available, and her current relationship ends, and you decide to try again under different circumstances- go slow. If she cheated on one boyfriend whilst dangling you on the other end, she will likely do it again.

( I hope there are no children involved here)

I agree with the above posters.

I'm not going to bash you as much as I'll bash her, even though you should know better than to sleep with a girl that's in a relationship.

Fact is, she has a boyfriend, and she's cheating on him. You're the sex partner, nothing else. If she cared about you enough to be with you, the boyfriend would be history, and she'd date you. At least until something better came along.

You trust her because for now she's been honest with you, she's told you she has a boyfriend, and she's not cheating on you, she's cheating on him. Bet he doesn't have a clue that she's a cheater.

So let's say she breaks up with him and you two start dating. Now you're the boyfriend. Do you really think she'll tell you when she starts sleeping with someone else?

She's not trustworthy, and she's proven that. Why would you want a girl like that?

If you haven't picked up on it already, many of here are asking a very specific question - why do you want to be with her?

Take a look at yourself, man. You can do better. You may not believe it but trust me, you can.

Stop sleeping with her, stop talking to her, and focus on yourself. Maybe that means spending more time with your friends (or making new ones). Maybe that means hitting the gym more, or finding more time for hobbies. But dude... you are spiraling and it hurts my heart to see it.

I wish you the best. It's tough to let go, but you have to, not for her sake or her boyfriend's sake, but for your own sake.