My husband and I have been married for 23 years. In July 2013 I filed for divorce because of his drinking and verbal abuse. He talked me into staying and working this out. I stayed because I love him and wanted to work things out. In January 2014 I decided to go ahead with the divorce. In February he started talking to another woman (co-worker) even grabbed her boobs. In March one week before our court date we both decided to work it out. The day of court he still continued to text this other woman. 30 days after we are back together he's still texting her. He finally stopped after I said something one night and he texted her an said he is working things out with his wife and her answer was where does that leave me? In June 2014 we got into a huge fight he was drunk and through me across the living room so I got up an smacked him. The fighting has continued and so has the physical contact. Now I'm not perfect by far and I am Bipolar and have rages sometimes that start this, but he is also at fault. Things were good for the most part in December. He bought me an open hearts necklace and I thought things were going to change in the new year,but last night we had another blow up because he said he had a doctors appointment today and I said it was nice of him to tell me at the last minute. He said he told me last week and I said no you didn't and he said I don't remember things. He calls me mental, physco etc. I texted him this morning and said all I want is to be loved, shown some attention and affection and his answer was I will try harder.

We cant seem to sit down and talk like two adults. He thinks I have to have everything my way and it always seem like he turns everything around and make it my fault somehow. We have two children our daughter is 16 and our son is 12. When I say I want to sit down and talk he thinks I'm freaking out again and then he gets pissed at me.

Help!!

If you really want to work things out you both will get in to counseling. He needs to get into rehab to quit the booze and you need to take your bloat meds as directed.

We went to counseling. He won't go to rehab and I do take my med's regularly and I also see a counselor myself.

I don't know why you ask why you don't get along ? It is plain and simple through your post. Booze is the culprit as it is in most relationships where liquor is involved. If he won't check into AA, then there is no hope for your relationship to continue; starting and stopping all the time, sitting down to discuss has done you no good at all.

You are in a toxic relationship no doubt about it and the only hope is him in AA and you two living in separate houses until he gets sorted out.

Extreme violence is the result, my god, throwing you across the room should have been the end of it for you.

You don't say if there are children involved, and I hope this is not the case. If so, they don't need to see or hear their parents at war.

It takes two willing partners to resolve any issues and forge a path forward that works for them both. He is NOT willing, so you have little choice but to go it alone and secure things for yourself and your children's best interest.

To be blunt until he deals with his demons, and corrects his behavior and attitude, both are very UNACCEPTABLE, screw him, until he CLEARLY, and UNDOUBTABLY shows WILLINGNESS, and COMMITMENT to do what it takes to work to resolve this crisis!

You are clearly trying and he is not because of HIS insanity. It's tough but don't let him bring your family down. I hope he regains his senses sooner, rather than later. If not, then good riddance!!

In short cut contact with the fool, and deal with the courts to protect YOURSELF, and your kids, for now.

Married 23 years and now we cant get along. Why?

Hon, I believe you answered that question very well in your post. There is an old saying "You can lead a jackass to water, but you can't make him drink". In your case the jackass is more than willing to drink. If you cannot get him to rehab and counseling, you had better take the advice so far given and make your next move away from the situation. The violence will only get worse and could get even deadly.

What do you think "working it out" means?

I get the impression that to you it means you keep hitting your head on a brick wall, expecting different results.

Nothing will be resolved until HE works out his addiction to alcohol. If you start with a sober person who has accepted that responsibility and is wanting to turn their life and relationships around, you might have a chance at saving your marriage.

As well, nothing will be resolved on your end, as long as you allow alcohol to be his first priority- not you.

This continuous repeating of attempts, knowing you will only hit that brick wall again and again, has to stop.

You must try to realize that your own behavior is compromised and is replaced with what you do to keep the peace, instead of standing up for yourself, and making demands to make the peace even possible.

I suggest that you seek counseling, and/or attend a family version of a self help group and do some research on your own, to see just how lost you have become in this alcohol related mess. I am tired of the overworked word ' enabler', but, that is what you do. Understanding how your own behavior allows his bad behavior to continue without redress, will become clear.

Any mending or changing of your relationship with him, has to start on an even playing field. Both of you have to address the issues head on, and spend considerable amount of time even getting to the starting gate- with therapy, which includes rehab for him.

You're kidding yourself if you think anything less will help.

"Married 23 years and now we cant get along. Why? "

You ask why you aren't getting along "now". I have to ask after reading your post if you ever got along and what happened to cause the change? Has he been drinking for the entirety of your marriage? How has your medical condition affected the marriage? Has he always been verbally abusive? Was physical abuse part of your marriage before he threw you across the living room?

This situation developed over years and will take years to undo the damage caused by his drinking and your medical condition plus the stress that comes with raising children. You both have to be willing to put effort, energy, and patience into making it work. As an example: It means taking a step back even if you think you are in the right and accepting that maybe something was said that you missed or that he truly believes he told you something but that it may not have been said. Getting defensive and striking out at each other adds to pile of issues that need to be sorted out.

If your house is a battlefield, then you need to separate while you work together to fix the marriage. You both need a safe and relatively stress free place to calm down and be able to look at the issues with a less biased perspective.

If you both want the marriage to thrive then you should continue with counseling, together and alone. Look into support groups for family members of alcoholics not just for yourself but your children.

If you can't work together then decide you love yourself and your children than him and your marriage. Follow through with the divorce. In several ways it sounds healthier for the adults to walk away and co-parent from different houses than to continue to model a very negative model of adult relationships for the children.

Good luck. I hope you all work together, as a single family unit or apart, to build a better future.