I have a close friend called Faith and she is in this relationship with this guy called Gem. Faith has become really close with another guy called Michael, while Gem has been busy organizing other things. I hear from my best friend Suzy that a month ago Faith made out with Michael in a the bus, in front of some of Michael's friends that have promised to keep it a secret. But one of Michael's friends (X) told Suzy. But made her promise not to tell anyone. So Suzy won't tell me who X is, and she and our other friend Flynn promised not to tell Gem or anyone else.
So that is the entire situation.
Firstly I am shocked that Flynn wouldn't tell me because me and him are really close.
Secondly I am horrified at Faith for making out with someone else because Gem loves her a lot and they have been together for 1 year and a bit.
Thirdly Suzy doesn't want to tell Gem or do anything about it because she doesn't want things to get complicated.
Fourthly Suzy made me promise that I couldn't tell anyone else.
Fifthly Gem is one of my bestfriends and he's been with me through a lot, and I am not scared of doing what's right for him.
But what on earth should I do??
If you are just going to be rude (because have sometimes gotten that here) then just don't bother posting anything.
Please help ASAP.

Stay out of the drama.

@J_9 not going to happen. I am too close to all of them

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Originally Posted by clareAD2000

@J_9 not going to happen. I am too close to all of them

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I thought life was complex, glad I am not from this generation. Sounds like you have to many friends, some of which are not real friends. You need to get out of this circle and find a few great friends.

@catonsville I said in my post I only want helpful advice. Telling me that my friends aren't really my friends when you only know a part of the situation isn't helpful. Criticizing my generation also isn't helpful :/

You promised Suzy you wouldn't say anything to anyone. Keep your promise.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You promised Suzy you wouldn't say anything to anyone. Keep your promise.

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As important as that promise to Suzy is, isn't it more important for someone to tell you that your girlfriend is cheating on you? I would want my friends to tell me if my boyfriend was cheating, finding out that they have known for a while would just make me mad at them

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Originally Posted by clareAD2000

@catonsville I said in my post I only want helpful advice. Telling me that my friends aren't really my friends when you only know a part of the situation isn't helpful. Criticizing my generation also isn't helpful :/

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I did not criticize your generation, I only stated that I was glad I don't have your type of problems. If you only provide part of the situation how can people here be helpful? Apparently you want only the bright side of a situation to be posted.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by clareAD2000

As important as that promise to Suzy is, isn't it more important for someone to tell you that your girlfriend is cheating on you? I would want my friends to tell me if my boyfriend was cheating, finding out that they have known for a while would just make me mad at them

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You knew the cheating was going on when you promised. Why did you make the promise? Why didn't you tell Suzy how important it is for you to tell your very good friend that his girlfriend is cheating on him?

@Wondergirl the promise was that if we were going to do anything then we'd have to make sure we were both okay with it an on board with the idea since
We are now in it together. I thought she would be able to do the right thing. But she's too scared

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Originally Posted by clareAD2000

@Wondergirl the promise was that if we were going to do anything then we'd have to make sure we were both okay with it an on board with the idea since
We are now in it together. I thought she would be able to do the right thing. But she's too scared

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You are honor-bound to the terms of your promise.

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Originally Posted by clareAD2000

I have a close friend called Faith and she is in this relationship with this guy called Gem. Faith has become really close with another guy called Michael, while Gem has been busy organizing other things. I hear from my best friend Suzy that a month ago Faith made out with Michael in a the bus, in front of some of Michael's friends that have promised to keep it a secret. But one of Michael's friends (X) told Suzy. But made her promise not to tell anyone. So Suzy won't tell me who X is, and she and our other friend Flynn promised not to tell Gem or anyone else.
So that is the entire situation.
Firstly I am shocked that Flynn wouldn't tell me because me and him are really close.
Secondly I am horrified at Faith for making out with someone else because Gem loves her a lot and they have been together for 1 year and a bit.
Thirdly Suzy doesn't want to tell Gem or do anything about it because she doesn't want things to get complicated.
Fourthly Suzy made me promise that I couldn't tell anyone else.
Fifthly Gem is one of my bestfriends and he's been with me through a lot, and I am not scared of doing what's right for him.
But what on earth should I do??
If you are just going to be rude (because have sometimes gotten that here) then just don't bother posting anything.
Please help ASAP.

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I understand this isn't what you want to hear, but I hope you pay attention to what is being said.

From what your post says you did not catch Faith cheating. You were told about it by Suzy. Suzy did not catch Faith cheating. Suzy got the information from X. X could be lying to stir up drama and cause a break between Faith and Gem for his/her own reasons. Gossip and half-truths or lies are a great way to cause trouble.

Since you do not have proof, all you have is gossip (third hand, at best), then stay out of it. You are having a knee-jerk reaction to 'news' that is upsetting to you. Take a step back pay attention to all that is going on before you say something that can't be taken back. Telling Gem could be playing into the hands of a manipulator. For that matter you only have Suzy's word that someone else told her. Is she a trustworthy person? Would she exaggerate or tell an out right lie to get someone in trouble?

If Faith is such a good friend, why isn't there an option for asking her what happened instead of running off to tell Gem? Frankly, if both are your 'best friends' then you would want to find out the truth before reacting. The way you are reacting I have to wonder if you truly care about Faith's side of the story or about hurting her if the gossip is false. If you are so ready to choose sides then you are already part of the drama. If you are prepared to be there for both of your friends, you will stand back and stay calm while the truth outs itself.

What do you consider 'helpful' advice? What you want to hear or what is more accurate and appropriate for the situation?

Your title isn't true - you didn't catch anyone cheating. You heard about it.
Aside from that, there is one 'rule' of friendships that trumps all others: if it isn't about you, then stay out of it.

You don't know what Faith has told Gem, or what they say to each other. You don't know what he knows about this kiss from a month ago. You don't know by what 'close friend rights' you get to be the gossip column (and yes, it's gossip, because you weren't there, no matter how much you might want to insist that you have the facts).

You are stirring the witch's cauldron by thinking you have some righteous obligation to tell Gem.
Be careful about crossing the line from helping a friend to merely being self important.
It always, ALWAYS backfires.

@Wondergirl. I am true. Maybe Ill just try and get her too see the right thing to do

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Originally Posted by clareAD2000

@Wondergirl. I am true. Maybe Ill just try and get her too see the right thing to do

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That's your next step. Get your arguments together. And be sure telling him is "the right thing to do."

Cat and Joy both posted very important things to keep in mind. Think seriously about what they wrote.

@joypulv I really don't know about you, but to me friendship involves putting someone else's feeling above yours. Not that "if its not about you, stay out of it"
Your advice, although you may have written it with good intentions has just offended me.

@cat1864 yes, you are right. This news has really upset me. I just assumed it was true. As much as I would like to go up to Faith she can he hostile and defenssive.
Helpful is not what I want to hear but what you just told me.

@Wondergirl as @cat1864 has said. Perhaps telling him is not the right thing to do. It needs more thought.

@catonsville Im just saying you don't know who my true friends are just from reading this. And its not just the "bright side" that's posted.

My advice wasn't at all offensive. You just didn't like it. Big difference.
My warning is based on many long years of experience with just this sort of situation.
It is clear that you are young. When you say something like 'to me friendship involves putting someone else's feeling above yours,' you aren't recognizing all the complexities that go into 'telling' on someone.
Teens who do what you want to do don't usually have noble intentions at all. They either have some little resentment going on about one of the people, or they want one of them for themselves. Whatever the reason, the result is causing a breakup that might be going along just fine. Congratulations!

I don't really care anymore, since you are so easily 'offended.' One of my least favorite words.

You really want something offensive. Don't come here with this crap, if you know what I mean. We are all volunteers here. We help people with issues that are FAR more important then yours.

If you truly want help stop shooting everyone down who offers it, otherwise get on with your young life, on a bus, with all of your friends.

This is an international site, so anyone in the whole wide world who are on our site can answer you any way they want, unless it involves some really bad language, then it gets deleted.

Grow up, get a life, get a job and get cleaner friends is my advise, clare.

Is your name part of your birth date, 2000. That means that you are, what, 14

I put myself in your shoes and I wouldn't say anything. As was said, you've heard a story that was passed on from someone, who you don't know, and you don't know for sure that it even happened. It happened a month ago... perhaps it did happen, and it was a one time mistake and is now over with. Bringing it up now to your friend would only cause him pain. Unless it was an ongoing thing, that you knew about for certain, what purpose would it serve to tell him? Do you really want to take a chance on hurting him with something you don't even know for certain happened? That supposedly happened once, a month ago?

If it really did happen, he will likely learn about it at some point as it is doubtful everyone would keep it a secret (Suzy already shared it after promising not to tell anyone). He can then deal with the situation at that time.

"I have caught me best friend cheating on my other best friend". No you didn't, you heard it 3rd hand. Sounds like young teen angst!