Ask Me Help Desk - Having trouble trusting my boyfriend

So about 2-3 weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up for like 4 days. In those four days he started talking to this other girl who is friends with my younger sister. We got back together though so I assumed they stopped talking. Until yesterday, I noticed that she was his snapchat best friend and him and I snapchat a lot so they would have to be talking quite a bit for her to get to be his number one best friend. So I immediately assumed they were flirting because that's how they started back when we were broken up. In my moment of anger I tweeted "idk if you know the difference between single and taken but taken means DONT F***ING TOUCH HIM U T**T".

My sister questioned me about it so of course I told her because she's my sister. This his she went straight to her friend and told her what I said. Which made her message my boyfriend. She asked him if we were still together and he replied with "I don't know" when he's been telling me that we are 100% back together. My sister showed me the messages. So I asked him about that and he said it was easier than saying yes. I don't know what that means? So I decided I wanted to know if he was saying stuff back to her. I got my sister to text her and ask. She replied by saying she didn't want to intrude anymore. That obviously meant something. So I went to my boyfriend in person. I asked him if he was flirting back with her and he said "not going to lie I was a little bit" my heart literally broke.

This isn't like him at all, we've been together for almost 6 months and so far he's been perfect. I don't know why he did this. He apologized and told me it wasn't right of him to do that. I asked if he wanted to be with her and he said he only want me and that he's sorry and he didn't mean anything by it. I told him that I still wanted to be with him too. So we are still together however I still have this sinking feeling. I'm still very upset but I don't want to break up with him, maybe if he had done this before I would but no. I just don't know if I can trust him.

How do I know he's not going to do this again? I just feel so embarrassed because all his friends knew and I hang out with them sometimes. I feel humiliated basically and I don't think he gets that. I just don't know how to move on.. (We are both 16)

How old are you both? Would 15 be close?

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

How old are you both? Would 15 be close?

We are 16

This relationship is doomed. Too much drama. Real, lasting, relationships are face-to-face, not over stupid things like snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, etc.

Break it off. Neither one of you has respect for the other.

You do a lot of assuming for one thing, and this latest episode is but one of many, and paints the story of him being less than perfect. Its no wonder you have trust issues after this latest drama. He has as many issues as you do, and I doubt either of you knows what to do about them, but for now while this last incident is still so fresh you let your own emotional dust settle and then try to talk about it rather than assume.

To be frank about it, you are only going to be as good as the next incident, and more drama until you get tired of this ad realize this love may not be worth holding on too for much longer. Love is never enough when there are this many problems in just 6 months, which seems to get bigger, and not better.

Sorry but teen love and feelings are confusing enough without the drama, and you have a lot of that already. For sure unless you can talk together better, or decide it's better to let it go, then it can't get any better regardless. I am sure you think you are holding on to LOVE, but I think you will find out that you are not.

Love is never enough to keep you together, not with so many other issues that you both have that needs to be dealt with, apart from each other. This just isn't a healthy love at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joy2theworld

So about 2-3 weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up for like 4 days. In those four days he started talking to this other girl who is friends with my younger sister. We got back together though so I assumed they stopped talking. Until yesterday, I noticed that she was his snapchat best friend and him and I snapchat a lot so they would have to be talking quite a bit for her to get to be his number one best friend. So I immediately assumed they were flirting because that's how they started back when we were broken up. In my moment of anger I tweeted "idk if you know the difference between single and taken but taken means DONT F***ING TOUCH HIM U T**T".

Jealous much? You honestly trust him that little?

First I want to say that this is a high school romance, there is such a little chance that this will last past graduations, much less the end of the month. It is the way it goes. School as a whole is a melting pot of people whose only connection in that they live in the same geographical area. Most friends, are made because of this and not because of any actual similarities. That isn't true for most cases, but it is a general rule. Don't sweat this drama and you'll find someone better then this person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joy2theworld

My sister questioned me about it so of course I told her because she's my sister. This his she went straight to her friend and told her what I said. Which made her message my boyfriend. She asked him if we were still together and he replied with "I don't know" when he's been telling me that we are 100% back together. My sister showed me the messages. So I asked him about that and he said it was easier than saying yes. I don't know what that means? So I decided I wanted to know if he was saying stuff back to her. I got my sister to text her and ask. She replied by saying she didn't want to intrude anymore. That obviously meant something. So I went to my boyfriend in person. I asked him if he was flirting back with her and he said "not going to lie I was a little bit" my heart literally broke.

You're deep in the he said/she said loop. Hard to get out of. That aside, flirting happens and it isn't a bad thing between people who aren't in a relationship. It is know what line you are comfortable with and what line your other is comfortable with. Because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that he can't talk to ANYONE else. You seem very controlling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joy2theworld

This isn't like him at all, we've been together for almost 6 months and so far he's been perfect. I don't know why he did this. He apologized and told me it wasn't right of him to do that. I asked if he wanted to be with her and he said he only want me and that he's sorry and he didn't mean anything by it. I told him that I still wanted to be with him too. So we are still together however I still have this sinking feeling. I'm still very upset but I don't want to break up with him, maybe if he had done this before I would but no. I just don't know if I can trust him.

There isn't anyone that is perfect for you. There are people that are amazing for you, good for you, bad for you, or a acceptable match because this is only slightly better then being alone for you. There is no prince charming, and repunzel is dead in her tower. This is six months, you've taken a break, which is a sign that there is a systemic problem that can't be resolved, and "can't trust him". End it. There is no way this relationship will survive christmas. Put the bullet into it now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joy2theworld

How do I know he's not going to do this again? I just feel so embarrassed because all his friends knew and I hang out with them sometimes. I feel humiliated basically and I don't think he gets that. I just don't know how to move on.. (We are both 16)

There isn't a way to know. You have to trust him. You can't. This isn't close to a mature relationship, this is almost nickleodeon drama. Just give up the ghost and move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

Jealous much? You honestly trust him that little?

First I want to say that this is a high school romance, there is such a little chance that this will last past graduations, much less the end of the month. It is the way it goes. School as a whole is a melting pot of people whose only connection in that they live in the same geographical area. Most friends, are made because of this and not because of any actual similarities. That isn't true for most cases, but it is a general rule. Don't sweat this drama and you'll find someone better then this person.

You're deep in the he said/she said loop. Hard to get out of. That aside, flirting happens and it isn't a bad thing between people who aren't in a relationship. It is know what line you are comfortable with and what line your other is comfortable with. Because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that he can't talk to ANYONE else. You seem very controlling.

There isn't anyone that is perfect for you. There are people that are amazing for you, good for you, bad for you, or a acceptable match because this is only slightly better then being alone for you. There is no prince charming, and repunzel is dead in her tower. This is six months, you've taken a break, which is a sign that there is a systemic problem that can't be resolved, and "can't trust him". End it. There is no way this relationship will survive christmas. Put the bullet into it now.

There isn't a way to know. You have to trust him. You can't. This isn't close to a mature relationship, this is almost nickleodeon drama. Just give up the ghost and move on.

I try try not to be controlling, he just has tons of girlfriends and he's always telling me they want to get with him. So sometimes I worry and this time I found out that I was right to worry, so it's like the moment for getting upset over it has been building up. I always let him do what he wants, I don't care if he wants to hang out with his friends instead of me, I don't try to constantly text him if he's not answering, I just go with the flow. In return id just like that he not flirt with other girls and agree to meeting up with them to "do stuff" as I just found out they were texting about

Quote:

Originally Posted by joy2theworld

I try try not to be controlling, he just has tons of girlfriends and he's always telling me they want to get with him. So sometimes I worry and this time I found out that I was right to worry, so it's like the moment for getting upset over it has been building up. I always let him do what he wants, I don't care if he wants to hang out with his friends instead of me, I don't try to constantly text him if he's not answering, I just go with the flow. In return id just like that he not flirt with other girls and agree to meeting up with them to "do stuff" as I just found out they were texting about

Understand that this isn't about the other females. This is about him and his behavior. Some people are flirts and it means nothing more than teasing fun. However, if he is agreeing to meet up with them and "do stuff", that crosses the line of appropriate and inappropriate behavior.

If he finds it easier to say 'maybe' instead of 'yes', then he isn't as invested in the relationship as you are.

Let him go to play his games. Give yourself time to heal and move on with your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joy2theworld

I try try not to be controlling, he just has tons of girlfriends and he's always telling me they want to get with him. So sometimes I worry and this time I found out that I was right to worry, so it's like the moment for getting upset over it has been building up. I always let him do what he wants, I don't care if he wants to hang out with his friends instead of me, I don't try to constantly text him if he's not answering, I just go with the flow. In return id just like that he not flirt with other girls and agree to meeting up with them to "do stuff" as I just found out they were texting about

What gets me about this is: "He has tons of girlfriends and he's always telling me they want to get with him." It is a subtle control play. There are many mates waiting for him, so if you dump him he'll not weep a moment and move on to the next one in line. The subtle message is be grateful you are dating me, do what I want or I will break up with you and date one of these other women. Run. He's playing games with you.

You can be friends with those of the other sex. There is a line that can't be crossed, but where that line is up to both parties. You can't tell him to never look at a woman again, but you can't let him walk all over your relationship. He's need to be less ambiguous with the "Do stuff". Is that go see a movie, play GTA5, or hide the kolbasa. End it. Heal. Learn. Move on.

I know how you feel but trust is the foundation of every relationship.so if you cant trust him there's something that you feel is happening so you must confront him about it and if he lies to you face than dump him because he is trash. A relationship founded on lies will end in lies.

You can't 'own' a person. If you feel you can't trust a person, no matter if it happens to be a boyfriend, or a friend, or a stranger, then stop the relationship, and move on.

Take this as a lesson along life's highway. You will eventually learn, through experiences like this, what you like about a person, and what you don't like. The next relationship you have shouldn't be based on the last one necessarily, but be more alert, less trusting, and let the next new relationship develop over a longer period. Each step along the way is where you develop trust, and trust is what you build on.

To pretty much start with feeling you cannot trust the one you are sort of with now, leaves you nothing to build on. The unresolved feelings and questions you have about him, may never be repaired, and you may never have the answers you need in order to feel you can trust him again. It will become nagging doubt, and that is no way to build a relationship.

Try to realize that not every boy you date, or start a relationship with, will be 'the one'. Make a more mature view of just who this person is. Try to think past the initial euphoria of all new relationships, and let time eventually take the rose coloured glasses off, so you can see the real person underneath.

You will hopefully learn something about the relationship you are sort of in, now. At 16, it isn't permanent, and really- does he even make good friendship material let alone relationship material?

Trust your instinct. And if your instinct and judgment are telling you you can't even trust this person, then let him go, and move on.