So I have "a friend"... she wants to know... how do you know if you're a lesbian? If you fantasize about women during sex... or during "alone time"... or notice yourself checking women out are you a lesbian. Seriously, this "friend of mine" tells me that she can't orgasm without fantasizing about women or watching lesbian porn.

[QUOTE=csquared]So I have "a friend"... she wants to know... how do you know if you're a lesbian? If you fantasize about women during sex... or during "alone time"... or notice yourself checking women out are you a lesbian. Seriously, this "friend of mine" tells me that she can't orgasm without fantasizing about women or watching lesbian porn.[/QUOTE

She may just be curious and really without taking actually living out the fantasy will not know if she is indeed gay or bi.

She just finds women attractive and there is nothing wrong with that at all. If she was in deep deep love with the guy she was having sex with or the guy knew what he was doing whe wouldn't need to fantasize about women

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Originally Posted by kory_lupinski

if she was in deep deep love with the guy she was having sex with or the guy knew what he was doing whe wouldn't need to fantasize about women

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Oh "she" loves him. That's why she's still with him and she still has sex with him. She didn't notice how strong the attraction was until the past 6 months maybe. She's been with this guy for 3 years. She's always known that she's attracted to women, it's been stronger lately. She loves him and plans on staying with him though.

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Originally Posted by kory_lupinski

she just finds women attractive and there is nothing wrong with that at all. if she was in deep deep love with the guy she was having sex with or the guy knew what he was doing whe wouldn't need to fantasize about women

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I highly doubt it has ANYTHING to do with the guy not knowing what he is doing. The girl in question obviously has some desires that need to be explored and some questions as to her own sexual desires and tendencies.

The answers will not be found if some exploration be it physical or mental, is done.

I think there is only one person who can answer this question hun and that is "ur friend". Having fantasies about women does not make you gay. I once saw a study that found that most women were just as aroused by lesbien porn as the were by straight porn. This is a safe fantasy because it doesn't come with the same guilt as fantasizing about another man. You are not comparing him to somebody else and so their seems to be no infidelity there. I use it myself with my own partner, often incorporating him in the situation and he knows this. Looking at women can also be about envy. When I see a young girl with a flat tummy or blue eyes in the street I look. But that is more because they are features I find to be attractive about a woman, but don't have. When I was younger I thought theses things might make me gay (I even experimented a little), but over time I realised that I never have any romantic thoughts about women. I never picture having a relationship with a woman and my picture of the future is definitely with my partner.
You need to ask "ur friend" if this is all it is. After all some bi sexual tendencies is not a problem is it, just more people to love. It would not mean that you have to leave your partner, because as you say, you love him. Try telling him about these fantasies, he may like them. As long as you reasure him you will not leave him for a woman he may enjoy sharing this with you. Not many guys get to watch girl on girl porn with their girlfriends.

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Originally Posted by EnglishRose

This is a safe fantasy because it doesnt come with the same guilt as fantasizing about another man. You are not comparing him to somebody else and so their seems to be no infidelity there.

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Wow you are so right. Thanks!! It all makes sense now

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Originally Posted by EnglishRose

I think there is only one person who can answer this question hun and that is "ur friend". Having fantasies about women does not make you gay. I once saw a study that found that most women were just as aroused by lesbien porn as the were by straight porn. This is a safe fantasy because it doesnt come with the same guilt as fantasizing about another man. You are not comparing him to somebody else and so their seems to be no infidelity there. I use it myself with my own partner, often incorporating him in the situation and he knows this. Looking at women can also be about envy. When I see a young girl with a flat tummy or blue eyes in the street I look. But that is more because thay are features I find to be attractive about a woman, but dont have. When I was younger I thought theses things might make me gay (I even experimented a little), but over time I realised that I never have any romantic thoughts about women. I never picture having a relationship with a woman and my picture of the future is definatly with my partner.
You need to ask "ur friend" if this is all it is. After all some bi sexual tendencies is not a problem is it, just more people to love. It would not mean that you have to leave your partner, because as you say, you love him. Try telling him about these fantasies, he may like them. As long as you reasure him you will not leave him for a woman he may enjoy sharing this with you. Not many guys get to watch girl on girl porn with their girlfriends.

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Wrong, cheating is cheating be it with the same or opposite sex

I have this prob, I fantasize about women,I'm very curious, I have been for 7 yrs, I have a hubby of 6 yrs he knows about this, I have never acted upon it, if your friend feels strongly about it then she needs to try it!

I meant there was no infidelity in the fantasy. Obviously the act itself is cheating no matter who it is with.

She'll just have to try it other wise the question will eventually drive her insane, trust me I know first hand. I had a girlfriend and I started to think I was gay because I would look at guys crotches and not be "interested" in girls. It got so bad I would look down between a guys legs before I looked at his face. But my true feelings are summed up as this "I want to wrap him up like a HOT tortia, but fall into her crystal eyes" meaning I want to have sex with him but love her.

I have a friend that feels the same as I and we have sex and he's a guy and since we can relate we can go at the same pace and I would say that having a person of the same sex that wants to have sex and you want to have sex with them is the best and it will mean a lot to you.

I mean like I'll be having a bad day and he will see me go to the bathroom and he'll follow me and we'll have oral sex right there in the bathroom with each other. Then we'll go back to class and have a great day!

So tell your friend to try it or she will live her life in question

p.s. me and this person have been having sex for about 6 wow years. Now I'm going into high school and once I get through PE ill come out of the closet I think. So it will happen slowly for you. But its been the best 6 years of my life IT'S FUN so BEST OF LUCK

Well i had the same problem and well i didn't know until i fell in love with someone my own sex.. I felt ways for her i never thought were possible she is the love of my life and i never even knew it was coming but with me it all started with a kiss she's not the first girl i kissed but this kiss we had was just magical and i was a lil curious before [the other girls i kissed;) ] and i just was into girls a lil more... basically if your happy with a guy and love him then you just might be looking for some kinkiness to make the sex life more interesting its not that your into girls or you just might be curious... if you wanna know more well you know were to find me