Me and my boyfriend are on a break... I feel so vulnerable and sad that I just called him today and we ended up arguing because he said he just needs some space and I don't know how to give it to him, and of course like an idiot I was the one who suggested the space but now I'm scared and getting paranoid about it.

He is right I Don't KNOW HOW TO GIVE HIM SPACE... I'm constantly thinking about things between me and him and it's hard to get him out of my mind. So I called... I know it was a mistake and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm scared that this break will turn out permanent and I just don't know how to deal with that. I keep crying, losing sleep at night then end up sleeping all day, don't want to do anything, feel sad, don't answer other peoples phone calls, I'm just a mess and I don't know how to get myself out of it.

The break hasn't even lasted a few days and I'm going insane! Someone put some sense into me please!

I know if I continue this I will loose him!!
What do I do to make him come after me?

HELP PLEASE... :(

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Originally Posted by lilah_k

what do i do to make him come after me?

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At this point there isn't much you can do to make him "come after" you, though there is A lot you can do to make him run away from you.

Your best bet is to do your best and not call him, let him call you. If he wants to talk to you, he will call you. Try to keep your mind busy, go out with your friends, start a new hobby, etc... When other people call your phone, answer... just to keep yourself busy.

If you don't give him what he asks, it is likely it will turn permanent.

It sounds like your entire world is revolving around this guy. That's a large part of the problem. You need to force yourself to do things that are good for you. I mean, get out a piece of paper and write down what you're going to do. Account for every minute from waking up to bedtime to keep yourself from calling him.

I don't know if he just needs temporary space or if he wants a permanent split but if you keep calling and bothering him, you're going to push him away for certain. Let him miss you. Put a big note on your phone that says "DO NOT CALL!" Make a list of ten things to do when you feel like calling and do them all. (1) Go for a 30-minute walk, (2) Call a 1-800 crisis hotline, (3) Rent a movie, (4) Buy a magazine, (5) Take a bubble bath, etc.

All he's done is asked you for space. Give it to him! A partner in a relationship should be allowed to voice their needs. He's done this but what he's been met with is total disrespect on your part. You're afraid of losing him. Fear. Calls. Lack of reassurance. More fear. It's a vicious cycle.

You need to believe in your heart that if he truly loves you, he will be back in your life very soon. If not, there is something better out there for you.

Dear all,
I'm going through exactly what lilah is going through. My boyfriend of 1.5 years asked for a break 3 weeks ago, and I feel like this whole world is just crushing on me!said he needed space to think things over. I can't stop calling him and asking him back, and you're right, it drives him even further away. Like lilah, I've not been eating nor sleeping well. I'm just so afraid of losing him.

Lilia, and sammy. As Gem has pointed out, it does no good to make someone the center of your universe. This is unhealthy and this is not love but more like dependence. You never make someone your life, you make them a part of it and maintain a life that you enjoy without them. If you have nothing to do but to think of them then you must of given that life up and you need to get busy and get it back. Hard work no doubt but worthwhile in the end. My advise is for to accept that your relationships have hit a major road block and leave your partners alone and work on reclaiming your personal lives and finding your own happiness. Before you tell me how hard it is, let me remind you that I already know that its hard work. Probably the hardest thing you will ever do but it must be done to be healthy. Good Luck.

OK... listen... though it's easier said than done but not impossible... I've bn through this too and understand how it is... but the only way I recovered was through the realization and introspection that NO ONE absolutely no one is worth crying over.. trust me... the more u run after something/someone, the more it goes farther... if it is ever meant to be yours... it'll come back to you. You need to have hope, faith and positivities in certain realities of life... if you lost this faith.. u lose yourself. In any case, do not wish to have someone who doesn't have a soul for you... look at it this way... IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU WILL NOT GET ANYONE ELSE TO LIKE YOU. IF YOU LOVE YOU, THEN OTHER PEOPLE WILL LOVE YOU. IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU DESERVE THE BEST RELATIONSHIP, YOU WILL ATTRACT A HEALTHY, POSITIVE, FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP INTO YOUR LIFE.. sooner or later... so move on my dear.. it's not hard at all... give it just 2 weeks of not calling him... u will see time heals everything... good luck.

Life is a journey, many mountains to climb, many diversions! Sometimes we need a little hurt and a struggle to find who we truly are. It makes us human and the lessons learnt from relationships + breakups will help for the rest of your life.

Thank you all for your kind advice. Well, he didn't really say he wanted a break up for good. All he said was he wanted space and if I still insist on getting back together now, then he'd rather have a clean break. I went to his place today to pass him some stuff but he wasn't happy to see me, so I left shortly after. However, he did send me a goodnight message on my cell. It's strange because when I call, he avoids my calls,but he sometimes calls and sends me goodnight messages every night. So what does he want? I'm so confused.

He's trying to let you down easy, as he doesn't hate you and he wants you in case his other plan doesn't work, but for your own good leave him alone and accept that he needs space, so give it to him. No more good nights and sweet dreams, because as you see they give you false hope and confusion instead of peace of mind, not healthy at all. No Contact whatsoever

Does this mean he wants a break for good but is doing it gradually?
I know that he stilll has a soft spot for me as long as I give him space. He hasn't packed away any of my things left in his house (my clothes are still in this wardrobe and our photos on his desk)

No one can say what he's going to do. The important thing is how you handle this period in your life. So don't wait for him to make a decision, make your own and get a life you enjoy without him to heal and be healthy. Give yourself a chance to see things clearly and objectively and decide what you want from life. More importantly leave him alone until he calls you.

Before I start thanks everyone for advice on my other post.

It's been so hard not to call him. I haven't called in 2 days now... and I somewhat feel really good about it but I've been so miserable. I've been working and doing as much as I can to keep busy but in the process of keeping busy I break down and cry for hours. I believe I cried all night yesterday. I've been having this awful feeling in my stomach that he's going break up with me. I'm trying to prepare myself if it happens and I've already accepted that I'm going to be hurt for a long time if we break up.
It's been really hard because I don't really have anyone to talk to I'm not close with my family and have a best friend that just recently moved away so there is no one right now to have lunch with and clear my head about this whole mess and get out for a bit... for the past 6 months he was really the only thing I had my best friend, love and everything in between.
At this point I have so much regret about telling him to take a break because if I hadn't said anything I would be with him or talking to him on the phone at least I'd have someone to call me to say goodnight.

I know if I call it will just mess everything up because I'm doing good so far even though its sooo DAMN HARD... but I want to hear his voice so bad. It's just comforting... when I talk to him.

I hope he's thinking of me I hope he calls soon.

::tears::

Don't you just hate it? People are so ready to give their advice on how you should... or you should... but when you take their advice and need help carrying it out like it seems that you do, there is no one to help you talk it over and help you through your time of need.

There are a lot of us here to talk to!! who have also been through this and understand how hard it is.
The key thing to remeebr is to always have your own life in place and not to become an "us"
Keep a good balance.

Keep busy, meet new people, get new hobbies, but do not call that guy.

They all tell us to keep ourselves busy, do new things ,meet new people but it's so DAMN HARD. When I try not to call him, he calls to ask what I'm doing etc.. And when I do the same, he gets all upset and asks me to leave him alone. Isn't it unfair.?
I wonder how much time he needs for this "break" . Shall I give him a time frame?I'm like on a roller coaster.

Ive been going through the same thing lately and YES it's really hard. When my boyfriend told me he wanted a break, I just totally went crazy. He was my world, he was my everything. That was about 2 months back. I was so depressed, and have no idea how I made it this far. I do agree with you guys when you say to let him have his space. When we first went on a break, we didn't talk at all. Now he calls me every now and then... we talk maybe once or twice a week. The more distance you give them, the more they try to contact you. I know that he loves me, but needs time to figure out what he wants. I feel that if you truly love someone, you don't need "time apart," no matter what. Of course you have your friends, and your time apart, but as far as a "break," that should never be an option. I am beginning to realize that I can do so much better and that if he REALLY loves me, he will come back. But in the meantime, I'm not going to sit around and wait for him..

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Originally Posted by sammylover

they all tell us to keep ourselves busy, do new things ,meet new people but it's so DAMN HARD. when i try not to call him, he calls to ask what i'm doing etc.. and when i do the same, he gets all upset and asks me to leave him alone. Isn't it unfair.??
i wonder how much time he needs for this "break" . shall i give him a time frame?I'm like on a roller coaster.

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Doesn't sound fair to me either, but why do you put up with it? Sounds like you are more emotionally involved than he is and he knows it. Stop calling him since he needs a break and don't return his calls. I guarantee you will see things about him you couldn't see before. That's how blinded you are right now.

htowngirl02, you're really strong. How did you manage 0 calls for 2 months? I couldn't even do it for 2 days!I am totally blinded. All I want is for him to take me back. And willing to take all this unfairness. It's slightly better now as I've been keeping myself really busy, meeting up with friends etc.however, I do get my down times, I just lie and in bed and cry buckets. Sigh..

Trust me, we know how you feel.

The hardest part is not refraining from calling him, rather not answering when he calls you. Your right, it is unfair that you can't call him to talk, but whenever he decides he wants to call you, he expects you to be there waiting for the phone call.

My advice, stop being there waiting for his phone call. Even if you are there, have nothing to do, Don't ANSWER. As long as he has the impression that are you sitting there waiting to hear from him, he has no problem not talking to you.

Think of it like any other addiction, its going to be hard, but the longer you fight it, the easier it gets. If you give in, you will only set yourself back.

Good luck

I definitely believe that you CAN NOT let him be the center of your life.

Question #1 How old are you?

FACT: 1. If it I meant to be he will call you..
2. Let him call you..
3. Don't worry.
4. Realize there are many guys who are LOOKING for a girl like you!
5. Don't let this stress you out..
6. Keep yourself together, still look nice.
7. Go to the gym and do slow workouts that make your mind and body work together. Crunches really help.
8. Realize that he MAY NEVER call.
9. Its okay to be alone.
10. If this doesn't work. Wait for the right guy to find you. Don't go looking for HIM. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. If you do when he comes you will be prepared.
11. Don't settle for less than what you want.