I had an affair and became pregnant from that affair my husband wants to raise this child as his own. My unborn baby's biological father what's to take me to court for full custody trying to say because I have been in counseling for almost a year because of my bipolar panic attacks PTSD depression and marital problems. He's trying to declare me unfit to raise my unborn son. I'm scared to death a court would even consider that. My whole pregnancy I have been off my meds and have done exceptionally well. Since my affair my husband and I have been in Marriage counseling as well. Can the courts really consider me unfit and take my son from me. Mean while my husband and I have bought everything this child needs when he comes into this world all he's done for this child was a few bottles and two outfits and rocking chair. What chances do I have? I'm so scared he will win this and take my son from me.

Since you are married and also married at the time of birth then your husband is considered the father under the law. The man you had an afair with may have no standing in court.



Ref:

http://www.pafamilylawyers.com/blog/...sumption.shtml

The rule of law cdad mentioned is only a presumption in most places. The other man can try to prove that he is the father to overcome that presumption. If he is able to do that, he could ask for custody, but that doesn't mean he stands much chance of getting it.

The rules in Pa appear to be pretty strict for proving otherwise. Here is a quote from the article I posted.


If a married couple has a child, and continues to function as a family unit, a third party is not allowed to attack the marriage by claiming to be the father of the child. The presumption favors the intact marriage over a third party claim that would harm the marriage in any way.

To cut to the chase here, this man can file, but given the propensity of PA courts to "favor the intact marriage", it is unlikely his petition will get very far.

This guy wants to prove DNA and wants to prove that my husband is sterile because he knew my husband had a vasectomy years prior to our marriage. And I did leave my husband for a short period. And this guy was with me then left and told me he didn't want anything to do with the baby. But my husband and I since got back together. Every thing changed once this guy found out I'm having a boy I can't help but wonder if it was a girl of he would still try this. That's why worried he might have a slim chance. Because I did leave the marital home for several months and because the that my husband has had a vasectomy. I know I read the pa paternity law but the part about a husband can refuse paternity if he can prove he didn't have access to his wife or prove he's sterile. So I'm worried this guy can use that. Along with my documented mental health problems even though this guy knew I have been in counseling dealing with theses issues which steam from my abusive childhood. He knows I don't have much of a family support. He also said the only way for him not to take me to court if I give my child my family name not my married name. And he would walk away. But I also think this is a lie and won't give my child any other name but my married name as I do want my husband and I to raise this child.

Document everything. Also your husband should be tested. Having a vasectomy doesn't mean he is sterile it just means he had a procedure. Until it is checked up on its possible it didn't take.

If he is trying to make a walk away deal then be sure to document it. It shows that he has no interest in the child. Also you haven't said if anything has been filed yet or not ?

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He also said the only way for him not to take me to court if I give my child my family name not my married name.

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That's really none of his business.

This appears to be a case where you should tell him to "put his money where his mouth is", and either file suit or shut up. From what others have written, it doesn't look like he has much of a case; so he appears to be "flapping his jaws". And biological paternity (which can easily be proven with DNA evidence) doesn't seem to be as significant as an "intact family"

His procedure did take he had several collections come back his procedure was after his daughter was born years before we even met we been married 10 years and have gone through fertility. And I have every text message as well as my husband has every message stating everything. Nothing has been filed yet as the child has not been born I'm due at the end of this month.

I would ignore him for now, and I wouldn't have a DNA test unless ordered to do so by a court.
The 'other man' had an affair with you when you were still a married woman - don't dwell on the rest of the story.
BUT
What's this about 'all he's done for this child was a few bottles and two outfits and rocking chair.' HUH? You are accepting baby items from the man you want out of the picture? Have someone take them to his door.

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Originally Posted by Worriedmamma

This guy wants to prove DNA and wants to prove that my husband is sterile because he knew my husband had a vasectomy years prior to our marriage. ... He also said the only way for him not to take me to court if I give my child my family name not my married name.

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Whether your husband is sterile or not has absolutely no bearing in this case. I doubt if a court would even hear evidence to that affect. There appear to be only 2 key points here. First, is that you are legally married when the child is born. If that is the case, your husband is the presumed legal father. The second key point is whether he is the bio father which would be resolved by DNA testing. However, if you and your husband refuse to allow DNA testing, I don't think he will be able to force it. I think the courts will look at the fact that the child is being born into an "intact marriage" and disallow any challenge to paternity.

As AK said, whatever name you use on the birth certificate will have no bearing on his suit for paternity, except to reinforce the fact of an intact marriage. So giving the child your husband's last name actually helps your case.

Also as AK said, you should tell him to put up or shut up. Tell him that you have researched PA law and you believe he will not be allowed to challenge legal paternity. And without being declared the legal father, he has no chance for custody.

However, I do have to make another point. Assuming you are sure this is not your husband's child, the child WILL need to be told at some point that your husband is not his biological father. This WILL come out at some point and he should be told as soon as he is old enough to understand. He may want to have a relationship with his bio father and I don't think you should block that. At the very least he will need to know his bio father's medical history for his future.

The items was bought while I was living away from my husband while we were together he left when I was 5 months pregnant and I wasn't living with my husband when I got pregnant.

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Originally Posted by Worriedmamma

... and I wasn't living with my husband when I got pregnant.

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If you look at the article linked by Cdad, you will see the following:

"One way to rebut this presumption is to prove sterility on the part of the father. This could be shown if the father was born sterile, or even if he had a procedure to make him sterile before the child could have possibly been conceived. The second way to rebut this presumption is to prove lack of access. This usually must be more than just sleeping in different beds. For example, if the husband spends a whole year in a different country and does not make a trip home to visit the wife, then the wife becomes pregnant at some point during this year, father may be able to rebut the presumption of paternity."

So, as I read it (and a bit contrary to what we wrote earlier), sterility is pertinent. And the other man could also argue "lack of access", to rebut the presumption.

You need to consult an attorney in Pennsylvania, assuming the other man actually takes you to court.

My husband and I are going to be speaking to one in the morning through his company they offer attorneys. My main concern isn't him trying to be in my baby's life my main concern is him taking my unborn child once he's born because he's going to try and say I'm unfit because of my medical issues that I have been working on. Some of my medical issues do require me to be hospitalized because I do have sever Crohn's disease. But he's trying to use my bipolar and depression and sever anxity and PTSD against me saying I'm mental unstable.

The way I read it, while the bio father clearly has a case for paternity, there is a major question of whether the courts will hear his petition because of the focus on intact marriages. A local attorney can better advise you on this. Make sure you talk to one who specializes in Family Law.

Even if we discount the intact marriage issue, I doubt if your medical issues will override him being a single parent. So I don't see him getting anything more than visitation if the courts allow a custody petition.

Please understand, this man is trying to scare you. Your biggest mistake is even talking and listening to him. Make it clear, to contact you, only though an attorney.

Taking medication and having an affair is really not that much of an issue, so you should be fine.