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I am a college freshman and am involved with a girl that I like. We have had sex and I have asked her to date me, but she keeps telling me she does not want to be in a relationship with me because she lusts for me. She has told me she likes me, but doesn't want to date me for the wrong reasons. Should I move on or just wait?
Move on. You want a relationship and she doesn't. Not only is this going to remain frustrating for you if you have feelings for her that she doesn't reciprocate, but it also puts your health at risk. She's telling you she doesn't want a relationship, but she's sleeping with you. If you're smart you will recognize she's sleeping with other people, too. And do that enough on a college campus and you will end up in health services with an embarrassing, burning problem that will need medical attention. Not worth it. Do you have any idea how many girls are within 100 yards of you on a college campus who are looking for a guy who DOES want a committed relationship? Be done with this girl - kind and friendly but totally done - and go fishing, my friend.
You both are in LUST no doubt and if you cannot accept just the lust no strings attached as she wants, then move on. I might add that she may have LUST for many, so always protect yourself from disease, or her getting pregnant (You should practice safe sex at all times anyway, no matter what the female says!! ).
I wouldn't hope, or expect more after the lust has faded because she may not even like you later, or have lust for a new guy. If you cannot accept her terms, leave her alone. You are still free to date another if that's what you want is a fun date.
Well I LIKE her, I'm sprung on her and my situation is hard on because I am shy and it is difficult for me to meet new people. And I'm positive she isn't sleeping with anyone else because I am with her every night and usually stay the night in her dorm. We were eachothers first and have only had sex twice but I feel like I put more emotion into it than she did. I don't want to move on because I really like her but I feel like its what I should do because she keeps dicking me around. I have told her very bluntly that if she doesn't want to be with me than I will move on but she won't give me an answer. She has guy friends that have told her like her but she doesn't do anything with them. I feel special because I'm who she's always with and I'm the one she had sex with but I want more than a booty call. I would never cheat on her because I am too insecure of losing her and being alone. But I don't want to move on. I want to wait a couple of weeks and see where we stand. If it's the same then I definitely will move on.
It's too bad that you need so much reassurance when you have a good thing in some ways... she isn't sleeping with anyone else. And getting promises of love and devotion forever are kind of meaningless, aren't they, when so many such promises are broken? I'm a woman, but if I were a man I think I would be willing to put up with what I don't like just to have what I do like. Try to curb your insecurity, and enjoy her in the moment.
If you can relax and just enjoy your time with her, who knows? She might be happier with you. After all, you are both very likely to go through many changes in the next 4 years, and move, and go to grad school or a career far away... you just can't think about a forever mate right now.
Works for me!Quote:
Originally Posted by marshal5896
Have you asked her what the 'wrong reasons' are? How long have you known each other? How long have you been friends with benefits?Quote:
Originally Posted by marshal5896
The only thing I will add is do not accuse her of playing games with you or jerking you around if you aren't listening when she gives you an answer. Some people tend to ignore what they what don't want to hear and accuse the other person of being mean, playing games, etc. when the person has tried to be honest and up-front.
She may like you and care for you but she may not be ready for what she thinks dating involves. This isn't just about what you want and trying to get your way. Talk with her instead of making demands. Try to understand how she feels. If you can't accept her terms or come to a compromise, then walk away instead of allowing frustration to grow into anger.
If you are with her every night, is that not a date. If you sleep at her dorm, together all the time.
I think the issue is the title you are trying to put on it, She sounds like she wants to be your friend, has sexual desires and wants to see what happens. But be free to see someone else, if that happens.
If I was with the same girl almost every night, was having sex with her, I would really call that dating in my book.
She told me she doesn't want to be in a relationship based on physical attraction, so I'm assuming that's the wrong reason. We have been friends for about a month and we had sex a week ago, and haven't since then. I haven't made demands, I've just simply told her where I would like to be and where I will be if we don't commit to a relationship. And perhaps she has given me an answer and I haven't caught it, and if that's the case then I assume her answer is no because she's told me she doesn't want a relationship with me at the moment. But if she likes me enuf to have SEX, then she shouldn't have a problem being with me.
And I only want the title because if she knows she isn't with me, what's stopping her from having sex with someone else or wanting to date someone else
She has told you, she said she doesn't want a relationship, that's telling you. You just don't want to hear it or accept it.
She's also told you why. She's physically attracted to you, she lusts for you, and that seems to be it. That's not a good enough reason to exclusively date someone, at least not for her. There's nothing else, not enough for her to make a commitment. Hard to hear, but that seems to be exactly what she's telling you.
In other words, she likes having sex with you, she's attracted to you physically, but that's where it ends. She's not attracted to you as a boyfriend. Now that could be because she really doesn't know you. After all, you've only known each other a month.
What you have to realize is that sex is physical. All it takes to have sex with someone is a physical attraction to that person. That doesn't mean you want to date that person. Dating, being exclusive, is a whole other level of attraction. She doesn't seem to be feeling that with you. Or maybe it's just that she doesn't want to settle down with anyone, she wants to play the field a bit. If so, that's her right, just like it's your right not to accept that and move on.
You have to decide if you're okay with a sex buddy, and only that, or if you want more. If you want more you'll have to find it with a different girl, because this one isn't interested in that.
Good luck.
You have only been friends for a month. That's WAY to early to define a relationship and dada title to it. Slow down. Too fast, too furious = crash and burn.
Keep your pants on and spend more time together as friends and take time getting to know her as a person, not a girlfriend or sex toy. Spending too much time together tends to make relationships defunct. You each need time equal time alone and with friends. Don't get to the point where you are dependent on her. Take time to get to know other students at school. It's really not as hard as you think it is.
As much time as you spend together, she is with you.Quote:
But if she likes me enuf to have SEX, then she shouldn't have a problem being with me.
A title won't stop either of those things my friend, and she can always dump you for another anytime. Sorry but respect that she is giving you both a chance to talk and work toward it as you go along and get to know each other.Quote:
And I only want the title because if she knows she isn't with me, what's stopping her from having sex with someone else or wanting to date someone else
Trying to fence her into your program against her wishes so soon isn't a good way to share and care with someone you like, or even build a good foundation for something besides the lust. What's your hurry? Put your fears and insecurities aside for a while and enjoy what you have as you get to know each other, and see what happens in a few months or so, and then you will have a better grasp of if you work well enough to make a deeper commitment after the lust has faded.
Dating isn't a commitment, nor is sex, and a couple defines the relationship over time. She obviously thinks its way to soon for anything but casual fun. Give the lust some time to fade, and a month isn't long enough. Seems your lust, and fears have you very impatient. 6 months should tell where this will go, if it lasts that long.
Lust fades, but love grows so take time to find out the difference, as she wants, and don't rush what is better left to just a natural process, because too much, too fast, crash and burn, is a true cause and effect of those who want more than they are ready for and mistake lust, for love.
Enjoy it while it lasts and see what happens. It's a process! Respect the process. Relax!
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