Ask Me Help Desk - How to date with a white guy

I never thought that I would ask about this kind of questions in English, because I never thought I would be so into a white guy. I am an fobby (fresh off the boat) Asian girl and just start to date with a white guy. And I am really interested in him but cannot really understand if he has the same feeling because of the culture difference. He always didn't reply my message very quickly, like he always has something to do: his work or have fun with his friends. Does it mean that he is not very interested?

And could you please give me some tips for white guys? Like " NEVER DO" or " Somethings recommended strongly to do"? Thank you very much for your time~!

Are the contacts one way like you contact him but he doesn't contact you? Most caucasian men prefer to be the initiator, that's the cultural norm and emphasising the racial difference particularly the word "white" isn't the way to go. You haven't said what part of asia you are from and some guys may not want to get into the cultural expectations that can come with asian people, also it is apparent that english is not your first language as might be expected so he may not understand everything you say and you may not understand everything he says. I suggest you wait until he makes contact or move on

White guy from where, France, Italy, Russia, US, where? All cultures different.

But in general, he will be forward and if he likes you, you will know it. He will tell you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by paraclete

Are the contacts one way like you contact him but he doesn't contact you? Most caucasian men prefer to be the initiator, that's the cultural norm and emphasising the racial difference particularly the word "white" isn't the way to go. You haven't said what part of asia you are from and some guys may not want to get into the cultural expectations that can come with asian people, also it is apparent that english is not your first language as might be expected so he may not understand everything you say and you may not understand everything he says. I suggest you wait until he makes contact or move on

Thanks a lot for your reply!
1 No, he contacts me to go out as well. I mean that he doesn't reply message quickly, like he replies after 2 hour and told me that he was busy.. bla bla... I feel that he isn't very willing to chat.
2 I am from China, but it's not a very big problem for him, his ex girl friend is Chinese. But I agree you that communication is very important and I really need to improve my English.
3 Could you give me some suggestions? I have no idea about how to show that I like him but won't push or cadge if he is not interested.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

White guy from where, France, Italy, Russia, US, where? All cultures different.

But in general, he will be forward and if he likes you, you will know it. He will tell you.

Thank you for your reply!
I am from China and He is from England but lives in Canada for more than 15 years. I think he is very open to different culture. When we met at the first time, he embraced me and I didn't react at that time. Because Chinese don't do this before they are in a relationship. So I guess there are many different things for me to know. Can you give me a clue that how to let him know that I like him but won't push or cadge if he is not interested?

Stereotype about young women (in any country, of any race): they text their friends constantly. They freak out if a boyfriend doesn't text or call back several times a day and night.
Stereotype about young men (in any country, of any race): they don't!! They freak out at clinging, needy, demanding texts.

Enjoy your differences of cultures and talk about them with HIM, not with total strangers. TELL him about the first-meeting hug and how 'different' it was. TELL him you like him and hope that he wasn't confused about how you felt. You can say you like him as you are leaving, so that he doesn't have to reply on the spot. ASK him if you text too much for his tastes. Communicate! Don't guess.

Actually the best way to tell someone you like them is to smile when you see them, be glad to be with them, to say you enjoyed the time a lot (without overdoing it). If your eyes light up, he will see it.

I would suggest you learn more of the culture you are in now and be cautious with your boyfriend by being honest when you do not understand. I think that would be true no matter the culture, or the differences as you get to know someone. I think a lot of this issue is maybe your insecurity in not being familiar with your surroundings and customs, and you may be a bit more formal and traditional than those around you.

These are things you talk about with him, and listen as most westerners are a whole lot more casual about relationships and commitments, so you have to pay personal attention to their individual ways, and words, and actions, and not just rely on dating/relationship rules. The only rule nowadays is be careful who you give your heart too, and make sure they know what to do with it, and deserve it. That requires paying attention and listening with your brain as much, if not more, than your heart.

Have fun dating and getting to know each other and see what happens but assume/presume NOTHING. When in doubt, ask. Communications is the key and a couple define themselves, mostly by agreement and not so much culture, or tradition.

Its called working on it together. There are no guarantees to success, or longevity. Just an experiment with risks, and rewards.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Stereotype about young women (in any country, of any race): they text their friends constantly. They freak out if a boyfriend doesn't text or call back several times a day and night.
Stereotype about young men (in any country, of any race): they don't!! They freak out at clinging, needy, demanding texts.

Enjoy your differences of cultures and talk about them with HIM, not with total strangers. TELL him about the first-meeting hug and how 'different' it was. TELL him you like him and hope that he wasn't confused about how you felt. You can say you like him as you are leaving, so that he doesn't have to reply on the spot. ASK him if you text too much for his tastes. Communicate! Don't guess.

Actually the best way to tell someone you like them is to smile when you see them, be glad to be with them, to say you enjoyed the time a lot (without overdoing it). If your eyes light up, he will see it.

Thank you very much for your kind help!
And Your summary of text is interesting and makes sense! Haha Anyway, to be honest I don't like texting my friends, it's just because I like him.

Okay! I will ask him about these things. Actually I am a little bit shy as most Chinese girls. However, I will take the courage to tell him that I like him when I leave.

That's true. I am not good at it but I will try my best. My ex boyfriend let me develop a habit that I can be capricious and do what I want, and imperious to guys. I am on the way to change it.

Your answer is really helpful! Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I would suggest you learn more of the culture you are in now and be cautious with your boyfriend by being honest when you do not understand. I think that would be true no matter the culture, or the differences as you get to know someone. I think a lot of this issue is maybe your insecurity in not being familiar with your surroundings and customs, and you may be a bit more formal and traditional than those around you.

These are things you talk about with him, and listen as most westerners are a whole lot more casual about relationships and commitments, so you have to pay personal attention to their individual ways, and words, and actions, and not just rely on dating/relationship rules. The only rule nowadays is be careful who you give your heart too, and make sure they know what to do with it, and deserve it. That requires paying attention and listening with your brain as much, if not more, than your heart.

Have fun dating and getting to know each other and see what happens but assume/presume NOTHING. When in doubt, ask. Communications is the key and a couple define themselves, mostly by agreement and not so much culture, or tradition.

Its called working on it together. There are no guarantees to success, or longevity. Just an experiment with risks, and rewards.

Thank you so much for your kind help!
Yep, I am a traditional Asian gril, maybe you can find this from the way I write. I agree that Insecurity is always the invisible bomb for relationships, no matter between friends or lovers. I need and willing to learn the local culture to feel better. Sometimes I may think too much to trap myself but I will try my best.

I think he is good, as I have dated with several westerners before but not want to go out with them again. I have always been too rational as I am an engineer, haha just kidding.

Okay~!I like the way you explain communication, it makes sense! And the attitude: ordinary mind, not except too much and not give up too easily.

Your suggestion are wise and make senses! Thanks~!

For the most part, attraction works the same regardless of race or nationality. However, if he isn't replying to your messages and does not make an effort to hang out with you... he might just not see you in the same way you see him.