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I had ejaculatory sex with guy #1 on the 22nd of March and my period ended on the 16th of march... I had a one night stand with the pullout method with another man #2 on the 25th and then had full ejaculatory sex again with #1 on the 29th... I am now 31 weeks pregnant... who's more likely the father? Please no judgement:/
At this point it is 50/50 because the encounters were so close together. You will need to inform them both and have a DNA Test after the beby is born.
You are 31 weeks because it's based on LMP (March 16 is 217 days ago). There is no way to pinpoint conception. Sorry if that's the 'obvious' you mentioned.
Pure probability would give weight to the person you had the most sex with closest to mid cycle (and you could factor in the pullout method a tiny bit), but what good is probability? None. Even if you had sex with #1 a thousand times and #2 only once, there is SOME probability for each. And that means you will have to find out or never know.
Question moved to pregnancy.
There is no way to know,
1. pull out really does not work, even if they pull out on time, there is still sperm in early fluids.
2. the dates are too close together, Pregnancy and conception dates are give or take a week, at the best.
So, nothing you can do, but wait for a DNA test.
This is actually a fairly common question, so you are not alone in this happening.
Take a DNA test... but notify both potiential fathers now. They are going to be really bent if you knew this and kept it from them. One of them is going to be paying child support. You need to know the right one. Everything else is a wild guess with out a DNA test. That is something that can't be argued or contested.
I'm curious what was meant by your subject line. What is the "obvious" you refer to. But as for opinions, we have none. It could be either guy and the only way to tell will be a DNA test after birth.
I'm afraid you are going to have to suck it up on the judgment issue and just take responsibility. Do the behaviour, and people will react accordingly.
I agree it is too hard to know without a DNA test. You should also let your doctor know you had multiple partners so appropriate screening can be done for STDs. Hopefully it won't be an issue, but if it is there are some measures available to minimize risks to the baby.
She asked for opinions on probability, and I didn't make mine clear: Probability is a wonderful, marvelous, (and to me mysterious) thing. It is meaningless when wondering who got someone pregnant, because
A) there are too many variables
B) it doesn't help to know what the odds are, even if you could calculate them
I guess what I need is a piece of mind :/ I'm married and they are aware... guy #2 was at a point when my husband and I were considering a divorce but have since worked things out... I'm just stressing out so much and we were actively trying to conceive before I made the worst mistake of my life...
Peace of mind ... does your husband know he might not be the father and why?Quote:
Originally Posted by mommabird26
You will not have piece of mind until a paternity test. You had sperm of both men in your reproductive system during the same period. It could be either. So no there is no way to tell.
Only one of the men needs his DNA tested - which one will it be?
We are all telling you that you 'have to' notify the one night stand. That's not true. There's too much knee-jerk belief these days that every guy a woman has sex with has to know if she gets pregnant.
So if you can live with the fact that the child might not be your husband's, then live that way - that's what women did for thousands of years before DNA testing.
I personally would want to know, and would be forthright about all of it.
I tend to agree with joy. If you are married and want to continue to be, then leave it be. But I would still get tested because there may be health history issues you need to deal with.
I it ever came out later I was led to believe I was the father of a child by my wife and it turned out I wasn't... the marriage would be over immediately because of the serious deception. If I knew at the birth then it would have been my choice to make at that moment.
Point of note to remember. A man will be far more upset about being deceived about a child actually being his, than he would be if he knew at the child's birth it wasn't.
I really wish we could give you peace of mind, but your dates are literally days apart, that means we can't even guess.
You stated that your husband is aware of this, or did I read that wrong? If he is, then he knows that the baby may not be his. I'd do the paternity test after the baby is born. I'd also go to counseling with your husband since things aren't that great if you were considering divorce which is why you sought out another man to begin with.
Get the DNA test done after the baby is born. The child has a right to know who her father is, and the man has a right to know if he fathered a child. I don't think it's right at all just to cop out because you're married and the law presumes the child is his. That's not fair to the child or the man that may be his/her biological father.
I speak from experience. Not mine, but my cousins child. She was told at the age of 20 that her father may not be her father, that her father could be one of 5 different men, including her Uncle. It's destroyed her life. She chose not to get DNA testing, but her once close relationship to both her mother and father, is now over with. That was 9 years ago. She barely talks to either of them.
The truth always comes out sooner or later. It may be painful for you, but you did the crime. Your child doesn't deserve to pay for that crime because you don't want to own up to it.
'The child has a right to know who her father is, and the man has a right to know if he fathered a child.'
Ah, but which man? I was implying that the husband should be tested. The one night stand has no right to know if she doesn't want him to, even if he is the father, IMO. If I win a million dollars, I don't let a one night stand knock on my door for a share of that either. She can tell the child when the child is 18, and keep the name of the guy on a scrap of paper.
A child isn't a lottery win. I find it extremely wrong that even in today's society when DNA can be tested and paternity can be proven, women still think they have the right to deny a man his child, just because they spread their legs for the wrong man.
I agree to test the husband first. If he's the father then that's that. But if he's not, the other man has a right to know he fathered a child, he has a right to be a part of that child's life if he chooses, and the child has a right to know who her father is!
We're dealing with human beings here, not money, not property, but human beings!
It appears that both men already know there is a chance they could be the father. I will say that testing your husband first is a good idea. It might save the cost of a test.Quote:
Originally Posted by mommabird26
While I understand the stress of not knowing and that it isn't the best timing, there isn't anything you can do at this time other than continue to work on your marriage and try to relax. Stress isn't healthy for you or the little one. Try to let any negative feelings toward yourself and/or the pregnancy go. Put your focus on having a healthy baby and preparing for his/her arrival.
I totally disagree with the idea of keeping it a secret if the child is not the husband's child. Be honest. It might be embarrassing to you, but get over it while the child is still an infant and unaware of whatever fallout you might experience from family and friends or one another. Get family counseling to help your husband past it, and raise the child knowing his/her father and with an honest understanding of the truth that is age appropriate. They will find out - someone will tell them and it damned well better be you, and it damned well better be when they are small children and have not developed an entire identity based on lies. Nobody deserves that kind of deception from their parents. If the biological father wants a relationship, make sure they have one and don't make it uncomfortable for your child to love him and enjoy his company. If the biological father does not want to be responsible and your husband is willing, get an attorney and have your husband adopt the child. If you can, arrange for your child to be able to have some contact with the birth father growing up and later - maybe not every other weekend, but more like a semi-open adoption, in which the child can get their questions answered, and can have family photos and things of that nature.
Best interests of the child - that is the standard here. It's not about you or your husband.
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