Okay so my brother (the one that raped me) is back in town. I usually don't see him more than once a year,but he keeps coming back for some reason. This time it is to spend easter with our family. I am having bad anxiety about having him around my son again. Do I have right to worry. I tried to talk to him about how it is inapproiate given his background to be alone with my son, and he justs laughs at me. No one in my family is taking me seriously, except my husband, who is about to beat my brother up. Is there any adivce you can give me about how to make easter not so stressful. I want it to be low stress because my aunt is dying of cancer and she will be there. I want her to have a good easter cause we don't know if this will be her last. Any advice?:confused:

Yes I think you have the right to worry!! Something is not right with your brother!! Just lay low and keep an eye on him. He's not staying at your house is he? I hope not. Do not let him out of your sight or your baby. I would not trust him if he did that to you. I am sorry for you uncomfortable situation-just do the best you can and be the better person. Have you ever talked to your brother about what he did to you. What is your family's deal? Why aren't they taking you seriously? Do they not believe you?

I agree that you should not trust him around kids, or anyone else that can not defend themselves. But If me I would try [as hard as it is] to just kept the peace for your aunts sake. -- Savage

My family thinks that he is cured. It happened when he was a teenager and they think that it is over and done wth. My mom will let john hold him. The last time that John was down here he was holding Baily, and when my mom took him so that she could play with him... I Looked up and I think that he had an erection. I tried to talk to my mother about that but she just laughs and says that I have nothing to worry about. I am just scared. My family gets mad when I stay right by Bay's side when he is around, they say that I should let bigans be bigans. But what happens if I did let bigans be bigans and he did something sexual to my son. I would never forgive myslef for something like that. I do want to keep it peacful but John is a very touchy guy. He is always trying to touch me and bay... no one else but us. When I get around him I freeze, so I always have my husband around. Even if he has changed, I just don't want to take a chance with my precious son, you know?

Considering what you went through, your family can get mad all they want. I would absolutely not let my son ( I have an 18 month old) be alone with him no matter what, no matter how long ago, even if has "changed", you never know. Better safe than sorry. Be strong and don't let them make you feel bad for looking out for your pride and joy and innocence.

A brother is a brother but your son is your son. You would die for your son!! I am sorry but a person cannot be cured of this. No way, No how. Sorry to say but your brother is a pedophile. He wasn't just "touching" you. He raped you and he was old enough to know better. If he were to do that to you these days he would be in jail, and your family couldn't sweep it under the carpet-he would be a registered sex offender and people would have a right to know that he was in your neighborhood. Why do you think he is not allowed to see his daughter?? Please please you have every right to worry. Don't get weak when he is around-be strong. He can sense that. You need to get a visual image of your brother enjoying your son and maybe that will help. I know it's your brother but he did what he did and now you have to be strong and do what you need to do.

Your very right. I do need to stick up to him. I am not that scared little girl anymore. Tommarow I will not let him have contact with my son. Thank you missk.

I agree, you need to make sure that you never let this ---hole near your son. I do not understand how your family get take this so lightly especially after what happened to you.

I do not even understand how he can be invited in the first place?

Anyway, Have a good easter and focus on your son and your family. Your aunt. Make her time a pleasant time.

At the same time do not take any s--- from your brother.

Joe

I think I'd call and cancel my attendance. Does your husband have family? Spend Easter with them and plan a private visit with your aunt. If no one is taking you seriously I think you should demonstrate how serious you feel by not participating in family events that include your brother. I know it is hard to cut someone from your life, but I think you need to.

I am sorry you are having to live through this yet again. It is very scary I am sure.

Now, having said that. To get your point across you may need to cut your ties with him all together. If there is a family function that he will be participating in, you should stay away for your mental and emotional health.

Yes, it will be hard, and yes, the rest of your "family" may give you a hard time. But who is important here? You are, after what he did to you and seeing him just brings back the memories, and your son is just as important.

It is apparent that your family is not a healthy family by choosing to believe that he is "cured." It is time you make a healthy family for Bay and keep him safe from whatever harm may come.

You will never regret it if you listen to your family and your worst fears are one day realized.

She should have cut ties along time ago.

Completely cut it off, that might cause ruffled feathers in the family but if they truly cared what you thought they would be supportive of that decision. If not, none of them are really worth it.

Cutting ties of family members is really really easy. I found it real easy. If it something you need to do to give peace to you and your own family. Then it just makes it easier. I have a long story in my own side. Nothing like yours but we are better off and that is exactly what we did. Some of the family members came around and others did not and that is just fine.

Best wishes;

Joe

I would cancel, but my aunt is dying and I want to spend time with her on the holidays. We don't know how much longer she has. I just ignored him yesterday and I told him not to go near or touch my son. Now my mom is mad but it felt good.

It's a start, and I am very happy to hear that you made your wishes clear in regards to your brother staying away from your son. And you're OK with your mom being upset. GOOD! Small steps like these are the laying the foundation for feeling in control again.

I feel bad that you had to go through that experience and that your family has forgiven him and let him around you and your children they should respect that you feel uncomfortable around him and you have every right to and as far as him touching your kid or holding that your child and you have every right to say who does what he's your child and you have a responsibility to protect him don't do what your family had done to you learn from them.

See your family when he is not present. Do not have him around yourself or your son. Ignore criticism from the rest of the family.

Instead of feeling like his presence is forcing you out of time with your extended family, start some new traditions with your husband and child so you have something special planned. You do not have to explain your decision, just act on it.

I think what happened to you is very serious, your brother should not be invited to family functions, if he is then I just plain out would tell everyone in the family that you will not be there if he is. Your family is crazy as far as I am concerned. If you have to, remind them what he did and say that is the reason why I will not be around him. Besides the fact that he freaks you out! I hope you can stand up for yourself honey!