Ask Me Help Desk - Does my boyfriend like my sister

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 10 months and he was always close to my sister which never really bothered me until they started talking on the phone, its been going in for about 3 months and when I say talking on the phone I mean they talk for about 4 hours and sometimes even all night and he always messages her and calls her but doesn't message me or call me until I do so.
And when I talk to him about it he tells me he loves me and that I shouldn't be jealous of my sister but then he always wants to talk her and if I say something to him he goes don't worry about it I won't call her anymore or talk to her and I don't want that because him and my sister are really close and my sister talks to him about everythig she considers him as a really good friend and I don't want to take that away from her so I tell him no I'm sorry I'm just overreacting don't worry about it and he does the same thing .
Today he didn't message me at all but he was messaging her all day and when I messaged him at 11 pm he knew I was mad and I told him that I should at least message me and see if I'm OK especially because he knows I've been sick for 3 days and he goes what's wrong with you why you mad for ge doesn't want to talk about it so I just left it and told him I was going to sleep.

And I always tell him how can you say you love me more than your life but then you don't call me or message until I do.

And he flirts with other girls.
Me a him were hanging out one day and it was so beautiful until one of he's friends called him and he called her babe right in front of me and then blamed me for being mad and said that he's known her for 4 years.

Am I just overreacting please someone tell me

His personality will not change and neither will yours it seems, and you don't feel like you are #1, but if things continue this way, and you can no longer deal with the way he is, then you will hate him and be tired of this crap, right? I get you may love the guy but he doesn't seem capable of loving you back the way you want.

One thing for sure, if his words and actions don't match then you have to accept him as is, or reject him and do better. You can always do better and never have to accept somebody else's crap. Bet he is older, and certainly seems popular.

In some ways, yes, in other ways, no.
Calling someone Babe - nothing.
Flirting - a little flirting is fine, normal, good for both of you when young. Defining when it goes too far isn't easy.
Spending all his time talking to your sister - not acceptable (but you can't order it to stop, you can just break up). I have a feeling he likes her because there are no demands for love words, no jealousies, no worries about checking in often enough. In other words, maybe you are too demanding of attention? I don't know. No stranger online can know what he is thinking, only what you tell us. So you tell us! Do you ask too much of him, his time, checking in with you, not looking or talking with other girls?
Jealousy and possessiveness are guaranteed to drive anyone away.
So are demands for silly expressions of love.

Your sister should not even consider doing this.
She should have respected the boundary.

Have you asked them to stop?

But, he sounds like sisters boyfriend, not yours.

Guys will all flirt some, but spending hours talking to another girl, nope, not acceptable.

Its not my sister I'm mad at she doesn't have any wrong intentions what so ever I know her she's my age but she's to innocent to even realize if a guy was flirting with her and he doesn't flirt with her they just talk a lot and now I spoke to him about it again he said I always think of him negativly and he doesn't want to talk about it

I don't demand a lot of attention I just want him to make me feel like I'm his girlfriend and he's proud and loves me as much he says he does I think I have the right to be mad at him for not asking about me at all and not giving a... I do don't I?

Nope. You DO demand too much. Your last paragraph says it all, and it fits with everything that's going on.

I don't know where people get the idea that they have all sorts of 'rights.' You have the right to call the cops and get a restraining order if he hits you. Other than that, you have the right to LEAVE someone who doesn't do what you want. The end!

I think when you realize all this, he may like you more.

Force yourself for one whole week to ask for NOTHING at all. And don't dish it out either - no I love yous, no will you miss me, no will you call me tonight, nothing. See what happens and report back.

How old are both of you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

How old are both of you?

I'm 19 and he's nearly 21

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Nope. You DO demand too much. Your last paragraph says it all, and it fits with everything that's going on.

I don't know where people get the idea that they have all sorts of 'rights.' You have the right to call the cops and get a restraining order if he hits you. Other than that, you have the right to LEAVE someone who doesn't do what you want. The end!

I think when you realize all this, he may like you more.

Force yourself for one whole week to ask for NOTHING at all. And don't dish it out either - no I love yous, no will you miss me, no will you call me
tonight, nothing. See what happens and report back.

I will try hopefully everything works out
Thanks for your suggestion

I dated two out of three sisters in a family (but not at the same time), I eventually married the second one, and over 23 years later, we all still remain very very close to this day (close enough it would trigger jealousy in a lot of people). So there isn't necessarily anything to worry about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahjames1995

Its not my sister I'm mad at she doesn't have any wrong intentions what so ever I know her she's my age but she's to innocent to even realize if a guy was flirting with her and he doesn't flirt with her they just talk a lot

Sarah, I wasn't born yesterday, and although you thinks she is too innocent, cant realize a guy is flirting with her,(why would she not, she is the about the same age as you) then what kind of game is she playing? She talks for hours with him and they text? Sorry, I don't buy this.

Of course this bothers you, that is why you are on here asking us, and I would have to say kick this guy to the curb, he is not being honest with you about his feelings for your sister and hasn't got the guts to tell you this.