Ask Me Help Desk - Workplace Romance

This may be the wrong forum to post in, but I'll take a shot.

I've found myself attracted to a co-worker. I have been thinking about exploring it, but we don't really come into contact much despite the fact we sit in the same general area. I think I've spoken three words to her six months. I've never been one for office romances, but I find myself considering it There isn't much time for chit-chat, so it would be hard to strike up a conversation during office hours. Besides, I don't want to be obvious, because these things tend to spiral out of control due to office gossip. I don't really know anything about her other than that she doesn't wear a wedding ring.

I'm wanting to avoid being "that creepy guy at work." Any suggestions as how to approach it? We don't live anywhere near each other, or I would consider a more social setting. My main concern is to keep it quiet and have a decent chance of success.

Workplace romances are never a good idea. Supposed to working not romancing! However, given your scenario, I mean about not communicating with each other very much at work and all, an initial asking her out would probably be okay. Just don't be carrying on at the workplace during your work hours. The fact that you are in the same room bothers me a bit, because there is room for temptation there. Also, please consider what might happen if you do really get involved with her and you end up getting into a terrible fight and then break up. I know that I could not work in the same place where I could come into contact with a former fiancé with whom I broke up.

If you ask her out and then find that you are truly interested in her, I would take things really, really slow.

You seem to know what might jeopardize your job. So, please stick to what you know.

I know that this has not been brought up as an issue, But, just in case in might come into play, if you use a computer owned by the company at work or home for that matter, either on the Internet or Intranet, it would not be a good idea to use it for anything other than work purposes. Frequently computers that are owned by a company and used by employees are monitored while you use them online or are inspected from time-to-time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

Workplace romances are never a good idea. Supposed to working not romancing! However, given your scenario, I mean about not communicating with each other very much at work and all, an initial asking her out would probably be okay. Just don't be carrying on at the workplace during your work hours. The fact that you are in the same room bothers me a bit, because there is room for temptation there. Also, please consider what might happen if you do really get involved with her and you end up getting into a terrible fight and then break up. I know that I could not work in the same place where I could come into contact with a former fiance with whom I broke up.

If you ask her out and then find that you are truly interested in her, I would take things really, really slow.

You seem to know what might jeopardize your job. So, please stick to what you know.

I know that this has not been brought up as an issue, But, just in case in might come into play, if you use a computer owned by the company at work or home for that matter, either on the Internet or Intranet, it would not be a good idea to use it for anything other than work purposes. Frequently computers that are owned by a company and used by employees are monitored while you use them online or are inspected from time-to-time.

Your reasons are exactly why I am totally against workplace romances. I work for an investment firm, so all IM's and emails are tracked and filed. The NASD loves reading those juicy tales back and forth. I'm not really into that kind of stuff, even though many people I work with are.

Is going right up and asking her out too forward? I kind of feel I should try to socialize platoncally first and then set the table for a date. I'm sure you can tell that I'm on the fence, worried both about my employers view and my co-workers views. Despite the professional environment, most of the people in the company are not very professional.

Slow would be the only way to do it. Too many of those flash-in-the-pan romances tend to get one or both terminated from the job.

I've been thinking about kind of sitting back and waiting to see if we can work on a project together or meet at a company event where the mingling will be more casual.

Of course, it's just physical attraction, it could just pass. ;) But oh boy, that smile! LOL

Women like the "creepy guy"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt3046

Women like the "creepy guy"

You think? What do you base that on? Normally I've seen it as a workplace hindrance.

Second thing that I just thought of. I don't really think this woman even knows I exist. What would be a good, quiet way to get her to notice me?

I don't know how many employees work in your office or what kind of get togethers they have like parties. If you are already social with some of them you might want to suggest a party or gathering for some if not all of them. At that time you could do your mingling. Surely, so-and-so knows so-and -so, and we might also like to invite... and it goes on.

If it is a smaller size group that is in your office, maybe you could have everyone over to your place for a party.

How about finding out when peoples birthdays are and being the one to organize the observances.

You mention meeting at a company event. Why not create the event?

Just some ideas. I don't know the social atmosphere in the office where you work.

If you want something, you're going to have to go after it. Do your part to make it happen and then the rest is out of your hands.

I'd suggest finding a time where she's relaxed and not busy and ask, "Would you like to have dinner with me this Saturday?" That's it. Put it out there. A simple question like that is not, in my opinion, creepy. If she says yes, you've got a date!

If she turns you down, it could be for many reasons: she has a boyfriend, Saturday's no good, she doesn't feel a spark, etc. Maybe she'll tell you, maybe she won't. If you have the guts, you could always ask her why. No harm in that either. Just conduct yourself like a gentleman. You could always say, "I'm going to ask you again in a month to see if you've changed your mind."

Oh, after you fight the fear and ask her out, reward yourself no matter what she says. If you were a woman, I'd suggest a manicure or new lipgloss. But I don't know how men reward themselves these days. Maybe buy yourself a new hammer or pack of underwear? :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gem07

If you want something, you're going to have to go after it. Do your part to make it happen and then the rest is out of your hands.

I'd suggest finding a time where she's relaxed and not busy and ask, "Would you like to have dinner with me this Saturday?" That's it. Put it out there. A simple question like that is not, in my opinion, creepy. If she says yes, you've got a date!

If she turns you down, it could be for many reasons: she has a boyfriend, Saturday's no good, she doesn't feel a spark, etc. Maybe she'll tell you, maybe she won't. If you have the guts, you could always ask her why. No harm in that either. Just conduct yourself like a gentleman. You could always say, "I'm going to ask you again in a month to see if you've changed your mind."

I was going to ask you if you were a woman, but your subsequent post says you are.

If this was a social setting like a bar or gym, I wouldn't hestitate, but my previous experiences watching work relationships blow up, as well as not wanting to have some stigma attached to me.

Tell me, is it awkward to have a co-worker that you've never talked to just walk right up and ask you out? My job is important to me, and that is my main concern.

I've actually started dressing nicer since I noticed I was kind of into her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gem07

Oh, after you fight the fear and ask her out, reward yourself no matter what she says. If you were a woman, I'd suggest a manicure or new lipgloss. But I don't know how men reward themselves these days. Maybe buy yourself a new hammer or pack of underwear?

I guess a new stick of RAM or a new shirt would be nice, but what would the reward be for.

Thank you so much!

Seriously just start talking the first chance you get.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt3046

Seriously just start talking the first chance you get.

LOL. Seriously just start babbling like a school boy the first chance I get, you mean.

Thanks. I'm definitely going to find some time and take the plunge. What's the worst that can happen, right? She might say yes, and then I'm really in trouble.

Why not ask her to go to the movies? That's an easy topic to start a conversation with at work and if she shows a particular interest in one - voilà! There are some good ones coming out soon and if it doesn't work out - oh well - just movies.

If that isn't to your liking maybe an art exhibit or wine tasting. Something where you can cover awkward pauses with an activity.

You will never know until you ask her. Go for it!

~Em

I don't really like the idea of workplace relationships but getting to know a co worker is fine. Say hi and get to know her. She may not be worth the attention and nothing wrong with friendly convesation to find out.