Ask Me Help Desk - How do I deal with all this?

My mother is a raving narcissist. Lately due to loss of control I assume she began the silent treatment with me. Also it seems because my sister had a baby. Rather than be happy and have everyone happy suddenly she's not talking to me. She is highly abusive and wants total control power over me. She has spent years destroying my life and is evil on another level but towards me only. I'm trying to understand why a narcissistic sociopath like her would suddenly CHANGE the abuse of her target suddenly begin playing the silent treatment for extreme control power and to make the target suffer. I get the silent treatment is about power and control and it's pretty disgusting but this is her first time doing it to me and it is not just painful it's like a kind of torture Since even though she's my worst enemy and abuser we also have a dysfunctional kind of trauma bond relationship going on. So her suddenly not talking to me after 35 years of conversation is going to be painful for me. How can someone deal with something like this. It's really scary

She hasn't spoken to me in three months. She told my sister she will if I apologize to her for of course nothing. I refuse to apologize to a sociopath who torments me for fun and abuses me then wants an apology. It's like apologizing to someone who raped you then beat you. I can't figure out why she seeks to torment me more when her other daughter has a baby

I even just wanted to talk to her for a minute and she hasn't done so. I even almost had a heart attack and she didn't care to ask how I'm doing it's shocking. She used to hold her phone by her telling people how worried she was about me and how she keeps her phone by her just to take my calls yet now won't talk to me? She even called the police once because I didn't answer my phone for 12 hours. She's a control freak sociopath and I'm stumped at her reasoning and motives but I know they're there. Why would a narcissist control freak up the abuse of a target in the face of a major but positive life event?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer9299

My mother is a raving narcissist. Lately due to loss of control I assume she began the silent treatment with me. Also it seems because my sister had a baby. Rather than be happy and have everyone happy suddenly she's not talking to me. She is highly abusive and wants total control power over me. She has spent years destroying my life and is evil on another level but towards me only. I'm trying to understand why a narcissistic sociopath like her would suddenly CHANGE the abuse of her target suddenly begin playing the silent treatment for extreme control power and to make the target suffer. I get the silent treatment is about power and control and it's pretty disgusting but this is her first time doing it to me and it is not just painful it's like a kind of torture Since even though she's my worst enemy and abuser we also have a dysfunctional kind of trauma bond relationship going on. So her suddenly not talking to me after 35 years of conversation is goijg to be painful for me. How can someone deal with something like this. It's really scary

She hasn't spoken to me in three months. She told my sister she will if I apologize to her for of course nothing. I refuse to apologize to a sociopath who torments me for fun and abuses me then wants an apology. It's like apologizing to someone who raped u then best you. I can't figure out why she seeks to torment me more when her other daughter has a baby

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer9299

I even just wanted to talk to her for a minute and she hasn't done so. I even almost had a heart attack and she didn't care to ask how I'm doing it's shocking. She used to hold her phone by her telling people how worried she was about me and how she keeps her phone by her just to take my calls yet now won't talk to me? She even called the police once because I didn't answer my phone for 12 hours. She's a control freak sociopath and I'm stumped at her reasoning and motives but I know they're there. Why would a narcissist control freak up the abuse of a target in the face of a major but positive life event?

Gee... you have a wee a bit of an attitude I see.

If its so horrible to live there and you are an adult... then move out, get your own place and support yourself. Its her house. SHE sets the rules everyone in it must abide. You might find the outside world isn't the Utopia of free will you imagine it is. If you are under 18, then you suck it up until you are and then move out, get a job and support yourself.

If you do have your own place.....then she only has as much control over your life as you let her have....and that falls on you if its the case.

Sorry, but with this much negativity and hatred towards your mother oozing out of every pore of your being. I find it difficult to take much of it seriously because people that tend to to that also tend to have a much greater responsibility for causing the situations they are complaining about.

It may well be hurtful, and painful, but if you are so intent on not apologizing, then the only way to deal with your mom is leave her alone. You both are too stubborn for whatever reason to give into each other so what's the point of keeping this crap going and being as miserable without each other as you say you are with each other?

Like you said, traumatic dysfunctional.

Your words ooze with the need to talk to her. IF you want to, THEN you have to drop the horrible name calling, not just apologize (no matter whose fault something was). You can't have it both ways.

Send her some flowers and a written apology. Ask if you can start with a clean slate.
I know, it can't possible happen that way, but the gesture is a good one.
Tell her that you won't talk about the past, only the future.
I'm getting depressed just writing this, because I know how impossible it is.

I'm really shocked that you care so much that she's not talking to you. From what you wrote you're better off without her in your life.

Have you ever had counseling to deal with your issues? I think it's long past time.

Bottom line, she won't talk to you unless you apologize, and you won't apologize, so get used to the silent treatment. We all have decisions in life that lead down different paths. You've chosen your path, so walk along it and move on.

Good luck.