I have been in a relationship for a little over 2 years. I went to basic training for the army and shortly after my return I cheated. A month later I conceived and I found out the next month. I had a lot of trouble with my boyfriend thinking it wasn't his. Our son is 3 months old now. Its been over a year since I cheated and he still doesn't trust me. He makes horrible jokes, basically calling me a whore. He put a tracker on my phone. He privately reads my messages. I've tried so hard to bounce back and be better for him but he still treats me the same. Now he's accusing me again and makes jokes about me doing things with his mom. How do I make this stop... We are supposed to be trying to get married but he'd rather suspect me then help build a future for us and our son...

You don't get him to stop, he has to be willing to do it on his own. The problem is that you broke his trust and to be honest, how does he really know for sure that he can ever trust you again? But in that case, he should be leaving you if he can't trust you. That is where the problem is. He obviously doesn't trust you but has decided to stay with you...which makes little sense to me. Perhaps you should have a discussion with him and find out what is going through his head.

No matter what though, if you do get married and this isn't cleared up...things will just get worse.

He accuses you of doing 'things' with his mom, what the heck does that mean? That would be the end of the relationship for me, if it was me. Why are you putting up with this BS ? Putting a tracker on your phone, privately reads your messages?

He is only staying with you to prove a point. Get out while the going is good.

When you cheat, there are always consequences.

Sometimes couples can work through infidelity, sometimes it ruins the relationship. I'm sure you knew that before you took off your clothes with another man, right?

The consequence is a result of your decision to cheat.

Had the cheating not happened, he would have been the same man you thought you knew. But, when a trust so deep and precious is ruined by cheating, it brings out all sorts of emotions on the victim- your boyfriend. It also affects the child you already had- I'm sure he/she feels the confusion with the arguing that goes on.
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Does he know the baby yet to be born is his? Do you know?

When you say, "We are supposed to be trying to get married but he'd rather suspect me then help build a future for us and our son... " I think he'd rather not have to suspect anything about you, but you, put him, in this position.

You might try couples counseling and see if there isn't a way to get through this, and move on with your lives. If he is unwilling to go to counseling, then don't expect forgiveness any time soon.

I wouldn't trust you ever again, but that's just me.

Did he ask for a paternity test? Did you have one?

I won't condone his behavior, but understand his hurt. He may need help to deal with it properly. Don't get married until that gets done. I recommend some couples counselling.

Its pretty classic you hurt him bad, now he has to hurt you back.

I would also recommend couples counseling to help both of you either gain the tools to work passed this or to help you be able to break free from each other if rebuilding trust isn't possible. Do not get married with your relationship like this, even if you have to call it off for now. You both owe it to your son to fix this one way or another.

Start with getting a paternity test to know for certain who your son's father is. The results might put some of his anger/hurt to rest... or, if the other man is the father, then you can end your relationship, end the constant reminders of your mistake, and both of you can move on to better lives apart.

He's angry and hurt, understandably, and it will take a great deal of time for him to get passed it, if he can. However, he needs to also be willing to accept your remorse and desire to rebuild the trust. By letting his negative emotions stay front and center helps nothing and only serves to keep the relationship in limbo until one of you will decide that you have had enough of the misery. That is not a relationship anyone wants to be in.

Find a quiet time to talk to him. Acknowledge that you made a horrible decision that you truly regret, and that you would like to be able to rebuild the trust. Also acknowledge his pain and anger, and suggest counseling together to help both of you.

Give him some time to consider the idea. If after some time it appears that he just won't consider trying to work with you, then you might have to make a difficult decision about the future of your relationship.

My son is his. And he's already been born he's 3 months old.

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Originally Posted by hisgirl92

My son is his. And he's already been born he's 3 months old.

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Does your boyfriend believe it's his son?

Question asked, how do you know it is his son. Was there a paternty test.

Next you both need counseling, the relationship will not work, like this.

You need to stop allowing a tracker, unless you have one on his phone also. Now, our entire family has them, just in case of someone missing or hurt.

Going though messages, nope, just stop it.

If he calls your name, he sleeps on the couch, or you do. This is not acceptable.