Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs now, he is all I ever wanted in a man.. but he is a big time money saver. I love that he doesn't spend his money irresponsably. He believes in saving for the future, and investing in himself. When we go on dates he obviously pays for everything,sometimes we even go to fancy hotels and spend the night there. But once in a while I wouldn't mind to receive a little surprise here and there,just because Im thinking of you (it doesn't need to be expensive!) He has only done it ONCE, but that's it.. Other than that I just get lucky on valentines and my birthday. I on the other hand surprise him with little goodies every noe and then. Right now he is far and Ive sent out some care packages, Im not arguing the money I spent because I did it from my heart, but why can't he be thoughtful too? Earlier we were talking about meal prepping when he came back amd he said "we'll take turns cooking, you'll just have to pitch in for food ya know?" Like really? At least help me save! I need advice, am I overreacting or am I right for feeling this way?

This is normal, what you are feeling is normal too. The thing is you both have different ways of doing things when it comes to Finance. Its not that he doesn't love you or care about you, its just his way of doing it, if you love him then communicate with him directly don't expect him to know your heart magically, tell him that you like surprises or whatever you expect with him and be patience. One thing is sure that He is responsible person but I agree with you that sometimes a little thoughtfulness is good thing. But again if this is how he is then you have to be patience and understand him, eventually he is doing every saving for both of your future only.

You are over reacting in my opinion.

He takes you to dinner and pays, he takes you to hotels and pays, and you still expect more?

If you choose to give him gifts, that's your choice. He seems to be doing a lot for you too, but it's not enough for you.

He doesn't want to spend his money of frivolous things, but you do. That's the difference between the two of you, and the fact that it bothers you means trouble later on if you two stay together.

Time to talk to him about how you feel.

Thanks! I think you're right. I really don't have anything else to hold against him ,these three yrs have been amazing and Im not planning on throwing that away over this, but sometimes it does upset me a little you know? We girls like to ne showered with thoughtful things every now and then, and yes I need to tell him about this or at least hint it lol I never have asked him for anything really and he knows me for being independent. Which I am, I have two little ones from a previous relationship and I work hard for them, for that same reason it'll feel nice to be pampered once in a while,thanks again and I will follow this advice! :)

Alty.. in my opinion he does what a boyfriend should do when it comes to dates. I believe if a guy asks you on a date is because he is paying. He is a sweetheart, and showers me with loyalty just like I do. I just don't think it would hurt to surprise me every now and then, but then again his way of showing he loves me might only be by actions, I would have to find this out, and if this is true I would try to understand because my relationship isn't worth losing over this, all I wish is he had little shows of gestures (doesnt have to be of big value) anything coming from him would put a smile on my face.

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Originally Posted by wonders25

Alty.. in my opinion he does what a boyfriend should do when it comes to dates. I believe if a guy asks you on a date is because he is paying. He is a sweetheart, and showers me with loyalty just like I do. I just don't think it would hurt to surprise me every now and then, but then again his way of showing he loves me might only be by actions, I would have to find this out, and if this is true I would try to understand because my relationship isn't worth losing over this, all I wish is he had little shows of gestures (doesnt have to be of big value) anything coming from him would put a smile on my face.

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Then tell him that. Let him know how you feel. Obviously he hasn't been able to guess, and any hints you've given have gone over his head. So if this is a big issue for you, tell him. That's how relationships work, you talk to each other when things are bothering you.

If you can't do that, you have no hope to last with this guy.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Then tell him that. Let him know how you feel. Obviously he hasn't been able to guess, and any hints you've given have gone over his head. So if this is a big issue for you, tell him. That's how relationships work, you talk to each other when things are bothering you.

If you can't do that, you have no hope to last with this guy.

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I will talk to him, thanks for the advice! Communication is key.

He is saving for future and as far as I understood from your post he doesn't reject in paying for you. For example, a friend of mine dates a guy, he owns an apartment where they both live. So the guy asks her to pay for electricity, water, food, household items half and a half. So in your situation, your boyfriend is reasonably right, he is very practical. Accept him the way he is.

Think of needs, and think of wants.

You have a good, solid relationship. He is honest and trustworthy, and is good material for a long term relationship. I would call those needs, and needing someone with those traits, is at the top of the list.

Wants are something entirely different. Wanting a little extra, something special, to show, in other words, that he is thoughtful enough to do more, are wants that may not ever happen.

But to put minor wants, on par with major needs (that are being met) is out of whack.

You can tell him how you feel because your 'wants' are not being met, or you can take a very critical look at how your needs are being met.

If the needs outweigh these minor wants, let the minor stuff go, and be grateful you have a man in your life who meets your needs.