Ask Me Help Desk - How do you handle friends asking compliments?

How do you handle friends asking compliments?

How would you respond in these situations:

1. Your friend tells you "Hey, I've got over a thousand followers on twitter!" when you only have several dozens.

2. Your friend brags "My post got 36 likes within an hour!" While your posts don't usually get that many likes.

3. Your friend goes on and on about how many boys are crushing on her but you've always been single and seem lonely all the time.

4. Your friend compares her new cellphone with yours and tells you that hers has a higher-definition and brighter screen.

... The list goes on and on. I know this is vain. So what? So what if you've got more followers on Twitter? I don't care! So what if your post got lots of likes? So what if those stupid boys revolve around you? So what if you've got a better cellphone?. As a matter of fact, I used to say really mean things like "Stop tooting your own horn! I wouldn't give a sh*t to those stupid boys losing their mind to crush on a b*tch like you!" But now I realized what I said was really immature. I don't have to stoop to their level and maybe I should take the high road. Then how do I respond to that? Passing off sardonicism as a sarcasm? How do I be polite?

The answer is not to respond, or simply acknowledge rather than getting into an "I'm better than you" argument.
Some people just want to be the centre of attention and the perceived "best" at what they do.

Really, life's too short to worry about such minor details.
Does it actually matter in any real and meaningful manner ?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curlyben

The answer is not to respond, or simply acknowledge rather than getting into an "I'm better than you" argument.
Some people just want to be the centre of attention and the perceived "best" at what they do.

Really, life's too short to worry about such minor details.
Does it actually matter in any real and meaningful manner ?!

Thank you. I know it's vain, but sometimes what they said really made me insecure. It seemed like I was really unpopular. I didn't have as many followers, nor did I have any boys or anything. Honestly, sometimes they really get on my nerves.

So, does it actually matter.
Actually, I know the answer is yes, at the moment, but people like this tend to be the more insecure ones as they crave constant validation.

I agree with CurlyBen. Life is too short.

As for myself I've always found that I start to gravitate to other people when they come around me. When you do that you are teaching them that it's not okay. Either they learn or you aren't around them much anymore. It's too much to have to listen to. Plus their insecurities are their issue, not mine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatiMorton

Thank you. I know it's vain, but sometimes what they said really made me insecure. It seemed like I was really unpopular. I didn't have as many followers, nor did I have any boys or anything. Honestly, sometimes they really get on my nerves.

I pat them on the shoulder and tell them "I'm so Impressed, It must be wonderful to be you". Then walk away and let them think about it a bit.

Is this the same friend(s) who doesn't respond to your texts? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...ed-797196.html

Or you can be happy for your friend and go about your own life. Is she the one doing the comparison or are you?

If she is saying 'look at how many people like me more than they like you', then she isn't much of a friend. If she is saying 'this is something that made me happy', then let her have her moment of happiness. As for comparing cell phones, you don't have to take it as a competition. You can decide that it is a comparison of brands/makes/models. One may have a better screen, the other may have better reception. What does it matter if yours works well for you and hers works well for her?

Having followers or boys hanging around you doesn't take away loneliness. If anything it makes a person more alone. They don't know who is with them because they like them and who is around them because they are the latest fad.

Why are you her friend? Because she is "popular" or because you really do like and care about her as the individual she is? If she is your friend, find time to sit down with her and talk about what is bothering you. Explain that you don't want to see your friendship as a competition and you hope she feels the same. Learn to be happy for each other when you succeed or are happy with something in your lives.

It can actually make you feel more secure in who and where you are if you can learn to be happy for others while you pursue your own goals.

You say "that's nice" and move on. It should not make any difference but it obviously does you you.
You need to ask yourself why it matters to you and why you hang out with people who make you feel this way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Is this the same friend(s) who doesn't respond to your texts? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...ed-797196.html

No, it's not. I was talking about my "friends" in general. Or maybe classmates or roommates that you can't possibly avoid socializing with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Or you can be happy for your friend and go about your own life. Is she the one doing the comparison or are you?

Thanks for asking because I just came to realize sometimes I do the comparison too, but mostly it wasn't me because I don't really have that much to show off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

If she is saying 'look at how many people like me more than they like you', then she isn't much of a friend. If she is saying 'this is something that made me happy', then let her have her moment of happiness. As for comparing cell phones, you don't have to take it as a competition. You can decide that it is a comparison of brands/makes/models. One may have a better screen, the other may have better reception. What does it matter if yours works well for you and hers works well for her?

Maybe I don't really regard her as a friend, but she's kind of my roommate.
Thank you for the pointers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Having followers or boys hanging around you doesn't take away loneliness. If anything it makes a person more alone.

Then how I can get rid of this self-loathing mentality of feeling so alone and unpopular? If I could just hook up with any boy, I would feel much better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Why are you her friend? Because she is "popular" or because you really do like and care about her as the individual she is? If she is your friend, find time to sit down with her and talk about what is bothering you. Explain that you don't want to see your friendship as a competition and you hope she feels the same. Learn to be happy for each other when you succeed or are happy with something in your lives.

Maybe I'm not her friend. Just roommate or someone she can't avoid seeing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

It can actually make you feel more secure in who and where you are if you can learn to be happy for others while you pursue your own goals.

Thank you.

Sometimes we have to tolerate people we have no choice but to deal with like roommates, classmates and co workers. We don't have to let them bring down our own attitudes or change the way we feel, or be so sensitive we feel bad about ourselves. They are likely a bit selfish, and inconsiderate, and their words and actions reflect on them, not you.

I think I have told you in another question you posted to not take the words and actions of others so personally, its about THEM and not you. They are just going about making themselves feel better and it may be the wrong way to do it. Just being a good person and KNOWING it should be enough.

For some, its just NOT. They have to make everyone else think so.

Yes, I agree with tal, How they behave with you doesn't have anything to do with you, but it speaks lot of things about them. And for your information there are lots of people in the world, they don't have twitter, FB, no expensive phone or whatever, list can go on. But still they are not feeling bad for it, because there is nothing to feel bad about, these thing doesn't define what kind of person you are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sometimes we have to tolerate people we have no choice but to deal with like roommates, classmates and co workers. We don't have to let them bring down our own attitudes or change the way we feel, or be so sensitive we feel bad about ourselves. They are likely a bit selfish, and inconsiderate, and their words and actions reflect on them, not you.

I think I have told you in another question you posted to not take the words and actions of others so personally, its about THEM and not you. They are just going about making themselves feel better and it may be the wrong way to do it. Just being a good person and KNOWING it should be enough.

For some, its just NOT. They have to make everyone else think so.

Thanks for your words of wisdom. You really helped me a lot.