I hope someone can help. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years with 2 of them being blissfully happy. We got very serious within the last 3 years but his attitude towards me has been flaky, I have had to question his motives over Facebook a few times though I am pretty sure there is no cheating involved. He has also started to ignore me randomly in which he denies but it is very obvious he does it - I feel he takes no responsibility for his part in how he acts which in turn makes me defensive and hurt.

Recently I have been going through a family bereavement and have been away for a month. The first two weeks he continued to ignore me randomly again and now I am back it's like he is caught up with being there for other people. I have been back 3 days and have sent him some frustrated messages and he has continued to ignore me and now will not respond to me at all.

I don't know what to do. He says he loves me when I ask him but he doesn't tell me like I believe he should. He hardly pays me any compliments and I cannot remember the last time we spent time together as a couple. I also feel it's very insensitive of him to be acting this way toward me now, when I need his support more than ever.

When we got together we agreed that we would not waste any time and if one of us felt it wasn't working, to be honest and finish the relationship. We are not cheaters and I am pretty sure he would finish with me first if he wanted to be with someone else.

I have always been a strong girl but the last 3 years have taken a toll on me and now I feel weak and needy. I know I have probably pushed him away as this was not who I was 5 years ago. I have tried talking to him though we seem to communication solely through Wassap (a messaging app on our phones) and I can not remember the last time he called me.

I feel angry and hurt he has not been there for me recently and him ignoring me has become a real sore point and I find myself almost obsessive over it. I have asked him to be honest as to what he is feeling but he says he loves me to pieces and knows things need to change, but then falls back into the same patterns.

I am over run with grief right now and the thought of losing him too has made me an even more emotional wreck than I am already... I just don't know what to do.

You have to give him space... no matter what... way you feel... and instead of waiting for his calls.. msgs... or IMs... stay busy.. and do something good for you... go shopping... hangout with friends anything... which you like... I know your mind will be there... but that's what you need to divert... take it as... you are giving him time... to decide... and meanwhile you are getting ready... for separation... as I feel... he is not interested anymore... and don't look for reasons... it could be anything... and it hardly matters... I don't think you need to chase him to get hurt... leave him alone... and be strong...

Maybe he is trying to figure out what he wants... maybe he is feeling overwhelmed with your recent neediness. Broken_heart has a good idea; give him space.

I know it is hard, because the more he ignores, or doesn't respond how you think he should, the more you want to find out why. It may just end up continuing to be a vicious cycle if you aren't careful... you pushing for a response or reasons and him backing away because of it. Also, some people just aren't good with showing sympathy. They don't know what to say or how to fix it, so instead they back away. Have you dealt with being needy in the past and, if so, how did he respond?

Instead of your boyfriend, do you have friends and family that you can rely on for emotional support for the things that have been going on in your life? Turn to them instead. Spend time with your girlfriends and family.

Acknowledge to your boyfriend that you realize that you have been more needy lately, and it appears that it has come at a time when he apparently has things on his mind and is needing some space, so you are going to focus on spending time with friends and family a bit more. Tell him that you love him, and that you will be there when he is wanting to get together. Then try your best not to contact him so often as you get some of your needs met elsewhere.

He'll either tell you that he doesn't need space, let you know that he will be in touch, or perhaps tell you that that things aren't working out for him and he wants to move on. At least you will know.

Is this a long distance relationship? Sure sounds like it.

Thank you to everyone that has responded. I am trying very hard to now give him space and see what happens, it's hard in this time not to have anything solid as I think I need it more than ever but I am trying hard to have some restraint. @broken heart - thsnk you for your advice and I will try to keep myself busy. It will be there in my mind but I hear what you are saying. @DoulaLC - thank you to you also. I am trying to give him his space. We normally speak everyday so this silence speaks volumes and not in a good way. I fret that I have done something to cause this lack of communication or the silence he is giving me but I know I need to focus my mind elsewhere. I think I have been needy since this ignoring thing started, it's been going on a while though he does deny he is doing it which I find confusing. He is not confrontational at all and I am scorpio so I think that says it all. @talaniman - no, it is not a long distance relationship though it does seem like we are a million miles away from each other at the moment. Again, thank you all for your input, any advice is help and I appreciate it all.

I haven't heard from my boyfriend now in a week. I've tried reaching out to him and he's ignored all my messages - some of which were quite horrible. I was just so desperate to hear from him and am going through a rough time in my life right now and thought he'd stand by me. Instead, he's done the disappearing act.

I cannot think what has caused this. I keep wondering what I've done and why he's suddenly given me the cold shoulder. We have been together 4 years, going on 5 and I find this behavior confusing and hurtful.

I don't know what to do - should I move on? Which is hard without any closure or should I wait it out and see if he does come back. However, a week without any contact from him is not looking good, we used to talk every single day.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I think you were half way there, in giving him space, which would have allowed you time to work through the grieving process of the death. In a way, you are forced into grieving the relationship too- starting with the anger toward your boyfriend over his zero response to you.

Take a step back, and give yourself time away from your boyfriend, until you feel steady on your feet. You have already said he lacks communication skills, but he isn't likely to cheat, so another week of silence won't hurt, and might even be helpful. One serious situation at a time!

I admired the way you were able to put into words, the clear way you were able to sum up the relationship.

The angry texts probably drove an otherwise non-communicative man further away, but as you said, you needed him, and he was not there for you, even with the expectation that he should have been. I would have felt the same way as you- and he lacked the skills to be supportive and loving. I think it was the most glaring example of all of how this flaw of his, is a very serious one.

When you are feeling you are coping and dealing with the loss you have suffered, then contact him to meet. You have said that he has a problem that he has admitted, in that he needs to change. I would take advantage of that, and set some expectations. Ask him if he would be interested in couples counseling. If he is serious about resuming the relationship, he will step up, and go through the process of change, in therapy.

My guess is, that he feels as badly about not being there to meet your needs, as you feel angry that he wasn't. He just doesn't know what to do about it, and instead of retreating, he needs to step up, and do the work to change. He may very well surprise you and unlock what is already there, and become confident enough to show compassion, support, love, and understanding.

Shelve your anger, and look for positive ways that you can contribute to him changing, but offering a firm, but useful solution.

Realize that these two emotional upheavals are separate and distinct from each other, and focus on coping on what you have in front of you at the moment, which is the loss. Mixing the two together, only makes matters for you, worse, not better.

Leave this guy alone and deal with your own personal tragedy without him. Sorry but for whatever reason he chooses NOT to be there in your time of need, closure from him is not going to happen.

No doubt you are overwhelmed by all that's happening but you have no control over him, just yourself. Leave him alone.