So, me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and 1 month... recently, about 3 months ago, we had broken up because he wouldn't let me talk to or see my girlfriends, or family. We were broken up for about 3 weeks, I was certain that we would not work things out so I started dating someone else, which I know probably wasn't a smart decision, to help me get over my ex, since I did and do still love him and care much about him.

During the 3 weeks I was with this new guy the entire time, I did end up sleeping with him , as he stayed at my apartment a few nights and we were taking things quite seriously very quickly. He had a job and a car and blah blah blah, basically, he had his life in order unlike my previous boyfriend.

My ex called me one night while I was with this new guy and said he had found someone else, and told me ALL about how much sexier she was than me, how much better she was than me, etc. I have low self esteem, naturally due to an abusive relationship, so this hurt me very badly. I ended up driving up there to see him and we ended up making up and deciding to try and work things out.

Well, now... 3 months later after this, we are back together and everything I thought was going smoothly. He has a job, I have a job, I'm going to school and getting my things sorted. But, today he said to me when he woke up this morning...

"I can't handle being with you anymore knowing you slept with someone else, so I'm going to leave, the only way I will stay is if you let me f**k another girl while were together still, it will make me feel better"

And my first thought was...are you kidding me...but he's being completely serious.. Is this right? He said it would make him feel "even" if he got to sleep with someone else. His rules were, he got 3 weeks to do whatever he wanted with this random girl that I have no idea about... Is it my fault because I was with someone else that it should be okay for him to do this to me? OR am I crazy for even thinking of accepting this?

Why...WHY are you still with him? What a complete and utter idiot he is! Why are you putting up with being treated like this? Are you that afraid that you won't be able to find someone that will treat you with respect? First he was controlling you by not letting you see people (is he still doing this?) and now he wants to get even with you for being with someone else while you were broken up? forget it...he's an as$ and you know it. You talk about low self esteem but one thing that would help you out is to get away from this guy and stay away from him. Find someone else...you know you can.

He wasn't sleeping with anyone while you were broken up? (If you think he was being squeaky clean and faithful to you, I have a nice bridge to sell to you.)

I'm sorry to hear you dumped the nice guy to go back to this manipulative, controlling jerk. No, it's NOT okay for him to do this. You're crazy even to be with him again. Grab some self respect and get out of this relationship!

I'm sure he probably was sleeping with other people while we were broken up, he will just never admit to it. He never admits to anything, ever. He's always "right" about everything , always.
I feel like he's brain washed me so bad that its sad I have to check in and ask advice from an outside point of view to make sure that I'm not the one in the wrong here.
Thank you for being blunt about it

Quote:

---

Is it my fault because I was with someone else that it should be okay for him to do this to me? OR am I crazy for even thinking of accepting this?

---

It's the latter. You would be crazy to even THINK of accepting this. You may have been insane by going back to him in the first place and he is just going back to being a selfish controlling boob like he was before. You didn't learn the first time, and here you are back at the same place again.

Get it right this time please, leave and don't look back.

Be sure to let us know that you got away from him. We won't be sleeping well until we know you're safe and building your self esteem :) You go, girl!

He is controlling and willing to cheat on you. You need more convincing than those two things to help you break up with him? It's time to call it quits, find someone who is going to value you and not someone who is willing to cheat on you just so that he "feels better".

First of all, a guy who loves you, wouldn't demand any of the things that he is demanding ! It is so strange that why have you gone back to him ?You are too young but "girl" you should always respect YOURSELF. He just disrespected you by demanding such a nonsense thing from you, he sounds just so immature. It is better to leave a guy like this who doesn't even value yourself.You are not crazy, but you will be if you get ready to accept whatever he says and get back to him !Be respected to yourself, be an adult, Leave this dirty relationship. Hope you'll get the one who respects your love ! Bless you :)

Well I hope you realize that what you did was also not good option, people fights but it doesn't mean that you change relationship like a clothes. But neither your BF did a good job, also his demands are not right, so you tell him this- 'well you don't have to be even, Now even though you know everything what I did but still you've forgiven me and is with me you, you are greater, so to make yourself even you don't have to do what I did, then what will be the difference between me and you, at least now you are greater. Then see what he says and if he still wants, thengo ahead and 'dump' that cunning person!

Of course this is not acceptable, and the only way is for him to be kicked to the curb and get rid of him... he is a jerk even talking like this.

What should have reasonably happened, with how you described your relationship with him, is that when you left him, you meant it, and learned from the experience, and that you moved on wondering what you ever saw in him in the first place.

The control he 'had' and now, again, 'has', over you is obvious. Not allowing you friends, or family is classic abusive behavior. He hasn't changed a bit. He knew what buttons to push to get you back, and he wins again at getting what he wants.

Your old relationship with him, will be the same as the renewed relationship with him, because he has not changed, and neither have you. Just keep rewinding this relationship for the next time, and the next time, and the next time.

While you may very well have self esteem problems, that alone is not enough to explain your own behavior, in going back to him. You got out once, you can get out again, but you need to figure out how to leave him alone completely, and give yourself time to get your independence act together before even considering involving yourself with another man.

Now he wants to screw around on you, and he's not even hiding the fact. He's upped the ante as many abusers do, and there is nothing you can do about it. And, like an abuser, he is blaming HIS behavior as being caused by, you.

So it's up to you. Realize it will get worse, not better. That he is the same man he was is bad enough, but imagine your future with him.