My close girlfriend of 20 years has been in an abusive relationship with her hubby for 6 yrs. I have always kept my mouth shut, as I want her to know I will be there for her when she is ready. I've already let him get away with things he has said to me that were disrespectful for years. This time I didn't, as he tried to bully me and say my friend couldn't see me anymore. Then a nasty text he had her send me. She seems to make light of this situation, but I talked to her about abuse, as I have been abused most of my life. Now she is mad at me? Anything I can do? I am so hurt by this.

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Originally Posted by orzeeya

My close girlfriend of 20 years has been in an abusive relationship with her hubby for 6 yrs. I have always kept my mouth shut, as I want her to know I will be there for her when she is ready. I've already let him get away with things he has said to me that were disrespectful for years. This time I didn't, as he tried to bully me and say my friend couldn't see me anymore. Then a nasty text he had her send me. She seems to make light of this situation, but I talked to her about abuse, as I have been abused most of my life. Now she is mad at me? Anything I can do? I am so hurt by this.

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WHy are you fooling around with a married woman? The last thing she needs is a rebound relationship... and you don't want to be in one either. They rarely work out long term.

Plus if she'll fool around on him with you, one day she will be fooling around on you with someone else. History does repeat itself.

Gee... you should be glad all he did was say disrespectful things to you... most guys would have put you into the Intensive care ward... if you got off easy. ANd they would usually get away with it because you were fooling around with their wife.

I know a few cases where the guy fooling around simply fell off the planet... never to be heard from or seen again.

In fact if it was me or a lot of other guys I know... You would be having to sleep with one eye open and always looking over your back every time you step outside your house.

Sorry, you won't get any sympathy from me.. or most other people... you reap what you sow.

I believe the OP is a female and this is a good friend she is talking about. ;)

One of the very basic and common characteristics of an abuser, is control. Control is maintained through violence, and other forms of abuse. Any threats to the 'authority' of the abuser, result in more, not less, abuse.

As you are experiencing now, he considers you a threat, therefore she is forced to submissive response, and dismiss the friendship he doesn't want her to have.

It has nothing to do with anything you have said or done. Indeed, you've stuck by her with a lot of skill, in that he hasn't done this before now.

Things could have come about because maybe in an argument the two of them had, your name came up. Or he could simply be stomping down any and all hints of independence, and that means time with you, her friend. It is an insult to his character that she would need anybody other than him. (in fact it is the other way around).

My advice to you is to not push the envelope. Wait for her to contact you. She knows you well enough by now to know that you won't abandon her. When she feels safe enough she'll be in touch with you.

You may have actually done some good in cracking the abuse cycle she is living under, by just being there for her, and letting her know if she needs you, you will be there. Don't be surprised if that has happened, that she is considering options, and getting help, you'll be needed.

He is an abuser, and in control... She will not to anything, until it gets worst. You are really wasting your time. Your best, to stop preaching to her. And just stay a distance. Let her come to you.

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I believe the OP is a female and this is a good friend she is talking about. ;)

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If that's the case... then it changes everything I based my answer on. When I read it last night itsounded like it was a guy, but reading it again this morning, you might be right.