Hello to all !I am 22 years old girl. My brothers friend likes me and I like him too as he is really a good boy.My mother doesn't allow me to meet him nor my brother(Narrow minded). The boy is asking me to go out because he wants to know me more. I do want to go but I am confused that should I go without informing my parents? The boy is nice and he is not liking that I am putting the meeting on delay and that's why he is thinking that I am "double faced" and he is getting me wrong. What should I do after all this as I also want to meet him and tell him who I really am! I want an LTR with him, so how should I talk to him as he is angry on me? And should I meet him ?

Why are you referring to a 22 year old male as a "boy"? How old are you? (since you live in fear of your parents) How can you know if you really want a Long Term Relationship with him since you barely even know him right now.

I am 22 and he is 24 And I don't have fear of my family but I don't want to inform before I know the guy well. He is a nice human and we're matured to understand the relation.

You do have a fear of your family if that is what is keeping you from going out with this guy and delaying things like you have said.

Maybe it's your culture or whatever but here, at the age of 22, most people don't allow their parents to run their lives.

Where do you live... I will assume you live in a more middle eastern, or Asian culture, where often the first date, is a path to marriage.

Why does your mother not allow you to meet him?

If she does not approve of him now... why would she change her mind later?

Not telling your mother, if you are from an area, I think you are... will be the issue. You should not be going behind her back

So what should I do ?

WHat country are you in... I'm guessing India or some other country in that region. That would give us a better idea of the culture involved.

I am from India !

I know If I'll tell my mother about marriage she'll allow but the guy wants to know me first then step by step. He is ready to meet mom and I have told my mom about the guy but she refuses me to meet because she lit scared about me. But I know once I'll meet him everythin would be fine.

Why is your mom scared about this?

Do your parents insist on an arranged marriage?

I can understand your mothers concerns based on some rapes in India that have actually made international news (not sure how often it actually does happen over there, but the news makes it seem like its common and growing even more common). You are still living at home so you need to please your parents. And it's a good idea that your parents know who it is as well as knowing his parents and where they live as a matter of safety for you.

This is very much a cultural specific question and I don't have that many Indian friends I could formulate an answer that would please both your parents and his.

Here in the USA you would not even meet their parents until you have dated for a little while and it appears you will be dating a lot longer and maybe even more in the near future. But it's a different culture with different realities in life.

Yes ! They want me to get marry at the early age but I want to live my life and want to be something then marriage! But I want to date that guy !

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Originally Posted by Chloe Edwards

Yes ! They want me to get marry at the early age but I want to live my life and want to be something then marriage! But I want to date that guy !

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But you must live at home until marriage, correct?

Would he be willing to visit and meet your family?

I just can't get past the futility of dating someone knowing you are going to have eventually marry someone else you don't have any decision in picking. Dating others would usually make it that much more painful when it happens.

But then I grew up where everyone picked their own spouses.....sometimes good, sometimes bad......and the thought of having someone else tell you who it is going to be is foriegn to me...and ever at 53...I still can't quite understand....even though I do have a few friends were is such situations...(they are just not Indian).

Of course with the divorce rates today....I can't say most people anymore are capible of making the right decision on their own.

Honesty with the boy is your best path. You tell him what your family expects and do NOT go behind their back. If he is as you say he will understand and comply. Ask your mom and dad if chaperoned dating is acceptable. Until you are "someone" other than a dependent daughter, you ask for trouble being dishonest, or deceptive and have little chance of success without much drama going against the rules of your parents.

They are already against your ideas, parents and brother, so will you take them ALL on to date a boy you like? I don't think you are prepared to take on the traditions of your society, for a date with a boy you are not ready to marry, so think long and hard before you rebel against the wishes of your parents. The price you pay may be more than it's worth.

I would keep working to convince your parents of chaperoned visits. I hope you do not fall for deceiving your own parents though, in any form or fashion because I doubt they stand for it.

Sorry.

I could be all wrong, and frequently am, but, in India before an arranged marriage is in the works, you have the freedom to at least participate in the decision right? You may be pressured in the end to marry this one or that one, but, you can say 'yes' or 'no'?

Maybe it is your mother more than you, that is not ready for you to meet potential boyfriends/husbands. After all, it is the parents who arrange meetings with a prospect, and negotiate the details of the marriage as far as I know.

Why can't your brother assist in breaking the ice with your parents, and allowing you to possibly simply date? Is it maybe that they are just not ready, and perhaps your brother could help them understand that it won't harm you, and that you can be trusted, and they have nothing to worry about?