Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend troubles

Boyfriend troubles

Okay so I'm new at this posting my issues online thing. I guess I can start with my boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. We have two children. One from a previous relationship and one together. He is a good dad, but not so much of a good boyfriend. He is very selfish and only thinks about himself. He never plans anything for us as a family to do, but always leaves whenever he gets the chance so he can hang out with his friends. We work opposite shifts so we already don't see each other a whole lot. We rarely have sex, usually once every two weeks, but sometimes it is every three weeks. He would rather spend time with his friends than spend time with myself and the kids. I find myself home a lot with the children, even when he is off he leaves to go hang out with friends. He will even break plans with me to see his friends. I don't think he is cheating or anything like that. I just feel he is very inconsiderate of me and my feelings. I express my feeling about all of our issues, or what I think is an issue and he completely blows me off. I mean I'm not a sex freak or anything, but what guy only has sex with his girlfriend every few weeks? Half the time I try I get turned down and he NEVER initiates sex EVER!! Ive been thinking of breaking up with him because I just don't feel I am being treated right. I want a boyfriend who wants to spend time with me and the kids, wants to have sex with me, and isn't such an . I don't think that is too much to ask. I guess what I am looking for here is a little back up maybe? Someone to help me decide whether to stay in my relationship or not. Im not happy more than half of the time, I express my feeling and he tells me "it is what it is".

Quote:

Originally Posted by brooky1234

1. He is not so much of a good boyfriend.
2. He is very selfish and only thinks about himself.
3. He never plans anything for us as a family to do.
4. He always leaves whenever he gets the chance so he can hang out with his friends.
5. We don't see each other a whole lot.
6. We rarely have sex, usually once every two weeks, but sometimes it is every three weeks.
7. He would rather spend time with his friends than spend time with myself and the kids.
7. I find myself home a lot with the children, even when he is off he leaves to go hang out with friends.
8. He will even break plans with me to see his friends.
9. He is very inconsiderate of me and my feelings.
10. He completely blows me off.
11. He NEVER initiates sex EVER!!
12. I just don't feel I am being treated right.
12. I'm not happy more than half of the time.
13. I express my feeling and he tells me "it is what it is".

Again, your question is? (I would have left yesterday.)

You already have the answer.

You try to talk to him about it but it doesn't seem to be important enough to him to talk to you. There isn't much left. You stay and deal with being treated like this or you leave. He doesn't sound like he is going to change.

Yeah, I guess you are right. I don't even know how to bring it up, and end it all. We have so much together. A dog, the kids, the bills, I can't afford our place alone, and neither could he. But I guess these are not reasons to stay. More so excuses not to leave...

Tell him how it is and that you are leaving because you and the kids don't seem to be important enough for him and he is immature. Maybe then he will want to talk but keep this in mind...I've seen this before. he might be willing to talk, tell you he's going to change...and then in a few days or weeks, slowly go back into doing what he was doing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by brooky1234

Yeah, I guess you are right. I don't even know how to bring it up, and end it all. We have so much together. A dog, the kids, the bills, I can't afford our place alone, and neither could he. But I guess these are not reasons to stay. More so excuses not to leave...

Would he go with you for couples' counseling? Even just three sessions?

Ask him about counseling. If he still says it is what it is, leave. Sounds like he does not care one way or the other. Not a good relationship to be in.

And, I bet he has a list of things he does not like.
And after three years, while it is best with someone like him, why no talk about needing a HUSBAND.

He sounds like he has never matured, and you have just allowed the behavior also.

Brooky, if he breaks up dates to hang out with his friends it's not a good boyfriend. You are better off with another boy

I never cease to be amazed by people who think someone is OK to move in with, have a child with... but aren't good enough to marry, then wonder when there are problems they have been seeing all along.

You need a plan that start with a place you and the kids can afford and an order of child support, and when you are ready, move.