Ask Me Help Desk - How long should I keep this going on for? When to stop?

First off, I am 18 years old. I have been dating my current BF for 3 years and cheating on him for 6 months. He cheated on me 2 years into the relationship with massage hookers who were touching him in an inappropriate way. This had a massive impact on me and I felt the need to get revenge. It destroyed my academic life, as I failed my exams and I am now retaking due to the trauma he caused me. I just could not handle the fact that other OLDER women were touching him naked and massaging his private parts.
I decided to forgive him for the sole purpose of making him feel like a complete . I am a very good actress so I manage to persuade him into unknowingly playing the game with me. It's been 3 months since and I still can't get out my head what he was doing with those prostitutes.
In short, I have been engaging in sexual activities with men for the past few months and I am proud to say that I feel no guilt at all. Should I? He is oblivious to my cheating because he started university recently and that gives me a LOT of space to do how I please. At first I only did it for the revenge but then I started to enjoy it.
I am sometimes disgusted by what I am doing and want to stop, but the urge comes back every time I think of what he has been doing. I want to find now a new partner now and forget about what happened. He has been acting very nice since the start of our relationship but I can't forgive him for hiding it from me for so long. Should I end it now or wait longer? He has been doing it for couple of years while I did it for a few months I don't feel like it's enough yet.

You're criticizing him but you are no better, in fact you're worse. You can't stand the idea if women touching him in inappropriate places but you are having sex with different men and enjoying it. Tell him you're cheating and let him decide if he wants to stay with you. I wouldn't. Your relationship is dead.

How am I worse? I never said I am having sex with them, I never go past oral sex, it's much worse if the person rubs you all over naked.

He doesn't have the privelage to do that, I want him to suffer as much as I can. I lost too much to back up. You are making me seem as bad but I am doing very little compared to what he was doing.

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Originally Posted by Lola01

How am I worse? I never said I am having sex with them, I never go past oral sex, it's much worse if the person rubs you all over naked.

Not true. Oral sex is SEX. Ask Bill Clinton.

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He doesn't have the privelage to do that, I want him to suffer as much as I can. I lost too much to back up. You are making me seem as bad but I am doing very little compared to what he was doing.

Be a real lady and just walk away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

First off, I am 18 years old. I have been dating my current BF for 3 years and cheating on him for 6 months. He cheated on me 2 years into the relationship with massage hookers who were touching him in an inappropriate way. This had a massive impact on me and I felt the need to get revenge. It destroyed my academic life, as I failed my exams and I am now retaking due to the trauma he caused me. I just could not handle the fact that other OLDER women were touching him naked and massaging his private parts.
I decided to forgive him for the sole purpose of making him feel like a complete . I am a very good actress so I manage to persuade him into unknowingly playing the game with me. It's been 3 months since and I still can't get out my head what he was doing with those prostitutes.
In short, I have been engaging in sexual activities with men for the past few months and I am proud to say that I feel no guilt at all. Should I? He is oblivious to my cheating because he started university recently and that gives me a LOT of space to do how I please. At first I only did it for the revenge but then I started to enjoy it.
I am sometimes disgusted by what I am doing and want to stop, but the urge comes back every time I think of what he has been doing. I want to find now a new partner now and forget about what happened. He has been acting very nice since the start of our relationship but I can't forgive him for hiding it from me for so long. Should I end it now or wait longer? He has been doing it for couple of years while I did it for a few months I don't feel like it's enough yet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

How am I worse? I never said I am having sex with them, I never go past oral sex, it's much worse if the person rubs you all over naked.

He doesn't have the privelage to do that, I want him to suffer as much as I can. I lost too much to back up. You are making me seem as bad but I am doing very little compared to what he was doing.

Really... in what world do you live that oral sex isn't sex. It's a hell of a lot more intimate than intercourse is.

Face it... you are worse than he is... and what makes it even worse... is that you are apparently incapable of even acknowledging that.

Would you be fine if all he did was get oral sex from a bunch of women... after all its really not sex in your tiny little world. I bet you would still be screaming bloody murder, but its fine if YOU do it.

God... listen to yourself... you ARE ten times worse than he is...

Rubbing someone all over is worse than oral sex?.....girl you must have some INCREDIBLY low moral standards.

Sorry but you lose any moral high ground to preach from if you go out and do the same thing... because that makes you worse than a hypocrite.

Keep acting like a vengeful little (word that rhymes with itch) and you better hope he doesn't have ANY nude pictures of you or you will find them posted all over the internet out of revenge.

Hell all he needs to do is spread the word around about how you are acting and how easy to are to get sex from and you can kiss whatever reputation you have goodbye.

Yes...I'm saying...suck it up, stop acting like a 14 year old needing to get even....act like a mature adult...and move on with your life.

You CAN easily make it a LOT worse for yourself than it seems now.

If you were competing to see who was the least mature person between the two of you......you won. Happy now? Don't wait for a trophey.....they don't have one for that distinction.

I don't see this as who is worse, or what kind of sex is worse than another (I mean, HUH?). I see you as a victim of your own rage, unable to lead the life you really want to live. You don't know whether you want to be with this man or a new man or many men. You react instead of sitting down with yourself and THINKING and FEELING. You embroil yourself in drama and intrigue and revenge. Well you got your revenge and it doesn't help much, does it? You didn't even tell him! That's called rubbing salt in your own wounds.
You have a lot of maturity to learn. Heck, I was just as bad at 18, so I'm not putting you down, just telling you that you need to back off from men TOTALLY for a while, and grow some more. Learn how to have friends again, and to be alone. YOU DON'T NEED A MAN. A nice man is good. Wait, be who you are, cultivate a skill and a career and interests and hobbies and a general love of learning. Then a good man will fall right over your feet.

You did not forgive him, you set out to get even and that is worse, and you didn't even tell him what you are doing. Now you are the one who is miserable. Putting your mouth on different men. That is pitiful.
Break up with the guy, spend some time alone and grow up.

Is this your husband or your boyfriend? Are you escorting yourself?

He cheated on you and as a revenge you also on cheated him! (Oral sex or whatever sex it may be), what is the difference now? If you would have not cheated, then you would have the right to say anything to him, but now you cant, because whose own house is made up of glass, they shouldn't throw stones on others house!
If you feel like stopping, do it, listen to your heart. Don't waist your life, in anger and revenge because, you are ultimately destroying your own life. If you don't believe me, then read others posts, you will know what you are becoming. If this relationship hurts you then leave it.

Likely candidate to see a "shrink". Some warped thinking here.

Had you chosen to leave this cheater instead of imitate him, and call it revenge you may not have been so out of control and lost all you have worked for. You hurt yourself for nothing because he doesn't know anything of your so called revenge.

Cheating on a cheater is not revenge, it's a lousy excuse to act as badly as you say he did.

Wrong! Getting rubbed all over by a prostitute is more intimat than just oral sex. The reason for that is that he gets touched everywhere! How is that less intimate than giving someone head with clothes on? I don't understand.

I am definitely more mature than him. He is 19 and did it for long periods, he can't even acknowledge it's cheating, but I can.

I am definitely not 10x worse than he is , that is absurd, they were touching him in very intimate places that i haven't even touched him, saying it is less intimate makes you seem like an idiot sorry.

No i am not escorting.

You have lost all contact with reality, being rubbed, even oral sex, is worst than doing the same thing, to other men. You can not really be serious.

You have made yourself lower than the boyfriend, he did it for lust and fun. You did it for revenge, I feel such pity for you.

You leave the boyfriend, he really deserves better than you. And find a real life.

I am justified in what I am doing because he has done a lot more to hurt me and he has done it in the worst scenaroo for the majority of our relationship. That to me means a lot. He was basically patronising prostitutes. He is definitely less mature than I am as he can't even realise what he has done wrong. I consider getting rubbed naked more intimate because she touchhed and washed his genitals and prostate. If you think that that's worse than giving head to someone who is fully close then you need to watch each to see what I am talking about.

How does he deserves better than me after what he's done? That's absurd he did not have a motive for doing what he was doing. I do. Saying doing it for lust and fun is OK makes you lookbad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

I am justified in what I am doing because he has done a lot more to hurt me and he has done it in the worst scenaroo for the majority of our relationship. That to me means a lot. He was basically patronising prostitutes. .

No, you would be justified in breaking up with him. Stooping to his level is not justifiable.

He was patronizing prostitutes, and now you are acting like a prostitute.

I believe if I wouldn't be acting as he did I wouldn't get rid of all the negative thoughts about what he was doing. Saying what I am doing is worse is clearly absurd as he was doing it much greater extent. Strongly disagree

Since you are going to do whatever you want, what is it exactly you want from us?

I wanted opinions and a bit of support to help me deal with the memory of him cheating. I can't get over the fact that he let women do that to him. Saying I am worse is not doing any good. But I saw some appropriate answers thank you to those who didn'tspecify the bad asaspects but the good aspects.

I don't have to face that I am worse because I ain't. The person who said so is in favour for men doing whatever they want.

I conclude that touching someone naked is much more intimate that just giving oral. If you don't believe me then go and see yourself.

End the relationship... it's toxic to both of you and you are only going to go round and round with the cheating. What both of you have done is wrong when you claim to be in a loving, mature, and committed relationship.

Would he be okay knowing what you are doing? Would you being doing this if he hadn't been with others? If the answer is no, then you are merely trying to rid yourself of his indiscretion and get back at him in your own mind... not healthy, not mature, and not going to work. If the answer is yes, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone.

You can continue to as you are... dwelling on what he has done, and trying to justify what you are doing... the old, "if he can do it I can do it" mentality, just to a different degree... or you can end the relationship and move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

Wrong! Getting rubbed all over by a prostitute is more intimat than just oral sex. The reason for that is that he gets touched everywhere! How is that less intimate than giving someone head with clothes on? I don't understand.

I am definitely more mature than him. He is 19 and did it for long periods, he can't even acknowledge it's cheating, but I can.

I am definitely not 10x worse than he is , that is absurd, they were touching him in very intimate places that i haven't even touched him, saying it is less intimate makes you seem like an idiot sorry.

No i am not escorting.

You are completely delusional. You need psyciatric counseling now because you aren't thinking like a rational adult should.

Sorry.. I haven't seen ANYTHING in what you have said that shows a maturity level in excess of a below average 14 years old.

Get yourself to a mental health professional before you lose the last connection with reality that you have left. You clearly need help and I hope you get it. You are clearly having an emotional meltdown.

Crripes... everytime you say something you makes yourself look even worse than you did before... I feel pitty on this guy now for having put up with you as long as he has.

Apparently you equate physical therapists with prostitutes...because many times massage is part of the treatment.....yet you don't consider playing the beef Bugel not being sex.....seriously warped thinking process going on in your head girl. Get help.....you need it. You will thank us later if you do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

I wanted opinions and a bit of support to help me deal with the memory of him cheating. I can't get over the fact that he let women do that to him. Saying I am worse is not doing any good. But I saw some appropriate answers thank you to those who didn'tspecify the bad asaspects but the good aspects.

I don't have to face that I am worse because I ain't. The person who said so is in favour for men doing whatever they want.

I conclude that touching someone naked is much more intimate that just giving oral. If you don't believe me then go and see yourself.

YOU got our opinions... YOU are completely wrong... your actions were far worse than his. We don't support someone who is clearly in the middle of an emotional meltdown because what you are doing is wrong... what you are thinking is wrong... in fact I haven't seen anything you've done that anyone would consider correct. Your logic is wrong, your actions are wrong, and your conclusions are wrong.

WHat YOU need to do is simply walk away from him....and stay away from all men....do us all a huge favor. You clearly don't have the maturity to be in a relationship with anyone. Eventually you might.....but you certainly don't at the current time.

And if you are going to go around acting like a streetwalker.....at least be smart enough to get paid for your trouble. Oral sex is sex and prostitutes get paid for it, escorts get good money, streetwalkers do it for a lot cheaper..crack ho's do it really cheap, none of them do it free, but you are giving them out to random men for free you aren't even in relationships with. Give some thought to how that makes you look. Seriously.....give this last paragragh a lot of thought.

If you had a daughter....would YOU suggest she do this? I doubt it.