Hi everyone, back after a long time as all going smooth. I've been with my girlfriend for a year and half now and recently got engaged 3 weeks back to her. But I'll refer to her a girlfriend here as it has incidents that happened from before we ere engaged. My girlfriend went for her best friends bridal shower night some weeks back.
There the bride-to-be got a bit tipsy and was clicking photo with everyone in the party bus. Then she comes sits with my girlfriend and they click some stupid face photos and 'then according to my girlfriend' - my girlfriend looked at her for another photo with the pout face and by the time she clicked the button the bride kissed her lips.
She didn't tell me this happened and I just saw it today after 2 months of this happening as she still had that photo on her phone from that night and we were just going through old photos on her phone.
She doesn't find it a big deal and says it wasn't even a kiss.. it was just a stupid pose for the camera but I don't understand why she did it. She then says she didn't kiss her and that the other girl did it because she is still looking at the camera but the other girl is totally into her. She says it can't be called a kiss as it was a light peck and that too just for the camera.
I feel irritated at the fact that she didn't tell me this before as soon as it happened because she doesn't find it a big deal and feels its just a camera pose.
-Right at the start of our relationship she sent me a photo with this girl that seemed like thy were kissing and I was upset and she then told me that they didn't.. and the only time they did was at the side of the lips as their friends had dared them so it was never on the lips. SO I did ask if they had ever kissed on the lips and she said they had never done it and I did tell her that I am not comfortable with that happening as I do consider it cheating. Even 1 week back we had another fight regarding this topic as I saw the same photo again and she said that they have never kissed on the lips ever. (this bridal shower happened 2 months ago) .
Now when I ask her why she lied last week she says because she doesn't consider this a kiss and she didn't do it at all. She didn't even know it was going to happen. When I asked her why she didn't tell me as soon as it happened because she knew it was a big deal for me and I consider it cheating for girls to kiss again she says she never considered it a kiss and it was just a pose and that she didn't do it, the other girl did it and it got clicked and that if she wanted to hide it she would have deleted the photo. It was just a photo for her. But for me it is a big deal that someone else had their lips on hers when I had specified that I don't want this girl kissing her.
I don't know why she doesn't see it as a kiss and how is it not. Just because its for a photo doesn't men their lips didn't touch. Just because she didn't kiss doesn't mean the other girl didn't give a peck. And first she said that She didnt kiss, the other girl went it for it. and now she said that she got scared when i got angry and phrased it like that but even that girl never actually kissed. it just touched the lips.. no peck or kiss lips 'pull' even. I dont know what to believe as i feel she is lying now to make things ok. I consider this cheating. Please tell me if I'm wrong. Thanks.

Yes you are wrong for making this a big deal and over reacting. That's drama queen stuff, and your are wrong to think every thing she does that makes you get a bug up your arse needs to be reported to you and explained. Yes you are wrong for thinking this is cheating.

You better listen up friend if she has to be afraid of your reactions to even simple fun because you don't see why she is as analy retentive as you are. She probably wonders what your problem is.

Lighten up, its not that serious.

Kissing is not a big deal just because it is a girl?
And she knew I didn't like her old pictures with this girl then even now after it happened and apparently she didn't even know this girl was going to do it, how come she doesn't tell me and doesn't think of it as anything when I had told her that I don't want any guy or girl on her lips..

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill! This was in no way cheating, and I agree with tal that you are being a drama queen. If you continue to obsess over this and give her grief, I hope she seriously reconsiders being with you. If you can get so bent out of shape about something like this, what else will you obsess over? Is she going to have to tiptoe around you throughout your marriage?

well but from the photo.. it does look like a proper kiss... and she knew I consider that cheating. SO why do it.. and even if she didn't.. why not say it happened because I considered it cheating always and finding out this way was worse than her telling me then itself. She calls and tells me every small thing that happens.. including things from that same night that her sister got drunk and sat on the floor or that this bride got shy as after the party the groom was outside to meet her and she was drunk in front of him for the first time. So if she can tell me such random details why not something that she knew would affect me. She even sent me other photos from the party bus but not this. How am I to feel then? And then now says.. its because their faces are not clear she didn't.. but I think she didn't as she knew it would be pissed if I saw it that's why hid it from me. And didn't even tell me of it.

How old are you both? Sounds like teenagers...

Cripes if that's to worst thing you will ever have to deal with... then you have one hell of a charmed life.

Get over it. Or get a new girlfriend.

Oy vey!

How have you been with her for 18 months when in August 2013 there was a "new" girlfriend? I guess this one is a stripper as well and you have a problem with her past too. Yada, yada, and yada...

I refuse to invest into this. He always makes the smallest issue into something. Women beware should be tattoo'd on his chest. I encourage all others to read his other posts and you too will choose to not invest.

Good catch Oliver... cripes... I think someone needs to seriously consider taking up celibacy as a lifestyle.

@ oliver2011 yes this is the girl I was talking of then. In August 2013. I was already with her a few months then. And well I never dated a stripper. Wouldn't be able to take the past anyway. I just need someone to show me how a girl kissing another girl is a small issue. How is it not cheating. Then isn't it double standards. If it's a guy, its cheating, if it's a girl, then not cheating? But it is another human being?

my issues are
1. how is same sex kissing not considered cheating if it is a person outside of the relationship.
2. when she knew i had a problem with same sex kissing or making out because we had spoken about this before, because she has kissed this girl in the past before i knew her in a truth and dare game with friends, if that other girl kissed her now and she says it wasnt her fault, why didnt she tell me then itself knowing how big a deal it is for me rather than have me find out this way.

Ever hear the quote... Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill?

It applies here.

Most women would run away screaming about now if anyone pulled this argument with them.

You sound both paranoid and controlling. Cripes... don't ever go to Europe... the common greeting there would cause a heart attack if you got upset about this.

It's a kiss, and not a serious or real one... they weren't munching carpet after all.

Does this mean I have to stop kissing my mother on the lips? Incest? (smoothy, I already used the mountain-molehill thing.)

I missed your reference Wondergirl... If he ever saw the very common double cheek kiss greeting in Southern European countries he'd have a cardiac arrest if he got upset over this.

I am going to be harsh and give you the advice you want.

She cheated. She broke your trust and doesn't deserve you. She isn't worth your time and trouble. You will never be able to trust her. She is just waiting to kiss every girl she meets. She 'hid' it because she is secretly lusting after her engaged friend.

Is that what you really want to hear? Is that how you think about her?

Now, I am going to give you the advice I think you need. You consider it cheating. She doesn't. You either accept she has no romantic/sexual interest in her friend and it was two heterosexual women who had a bit too much to drink playing around for the camera or you continue thinking of her as a cheater and walk away from a female who has no morals and isn't trustworthy.

If you consider it cheating. Dump her. You don't trust her. Never have. Never will. Perhaps, you need to find a female who doesn't have friends and thinks you are the only person in the world. It appears to be the only way you will have any confidence in the relationship.

Cheating implies an intent to do something with the other person. A quick drunken peck between friends playing it up for the camera doesn't seem to rise to the level of 'getting it on' with the friend.

Advice for her, walk away. You cannot appease someone who is controlling and insecure in a relationship. The more you try the more 'proof' the person will need that you are being loyal and truthful. You cannot spend your life walking on eggshells being worried about what your partner might get upset about and go off over. Find someone who accepts you as the person you are and who has the same basic ideals as you do or is at least willing to be open minded and to discuss conflicts.

Let those go who try to impose their beliefs on you especially if there is no attempt at understanding your side or compromising. If they can't let the past go and bring it up whenever the mood strikes them, they aren't worth your time and energy.

Good luck in the future to both of you. If you decide to continue this relationship, I highly suggest couple's counseling.

AMEN Cat. As always well said. All of what you said is why I don't invest time into his questions anymore.

She wasn't drinking at all that night as she was in charge of all the arrangements with the brides older sister.
And according to her morals it is wrong but the problem here is that she is going into technical details and saying it wasn't a kiss but just lips touching.
My view is.. how is lips touching not a kiss. And why couldn't she inform me of this earlier because she knew I wasn't comfortable of her doing something like this.

How come no person here thinks same sex kissing isn't cheating then?
Would everyone be OK if a guy kissed another guy?

Even if I come to look over the fact that they kissed and it was just lips touching for a photo.. didn't she feel weird to have someone else's lips on her lips ? Because even if I ever joked of her with someone else she would get upset and tell me not to link her with anyone even as a joke. Then how come this wasn't important enough for her to tell me.
My main issue is that even though she knew I had a problem with her kissing this friend in the past, even though this photo happened , why was I not told of it .

Why haven't you dumped this immoral and lying female? She will cheat again and you know it. What of all the times she has cheated that you don't know about?

You weren't told of it because she knew you would make an issue out of it.

Stop being so freaking controlling. She didn't reach out to kiss this girl purposely. Rather, a drunk girl tried to kiss her and was unsuccessful.

Please don't marry this girl because you are going to make both of your lives more miserable than they are already.

No she says she didn't tell me because she didn't think of it as a big deal (dont know how she forgot it was a big deal for me) and because it wasn't a kiss but just lips touching whatever the hell that means.

I did ask her that did she not tell me then because she thought id make an issue and she said that it was because she didn't think anything of it. What a bull excuse.

So what are you going to do about it?

I don't know. I want to break up with her but now that we are engaged there are damn families involved so isn't as easy. So I need space off and then maybe I'll think of this or I have told her I'll do the same thing then and lets see how she feels