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I'm 28 yrs old. I'm a doctor, getting married to a engineer in 30 days. I don't want this marriage. I still love my boyfriend, he has left for the US, now lives in Texas. I fought with my parents for three yrs. got irritated, and agreed to this crap marriage.
You say no and refuse to do it. Sure you will probibly upset your parents because it sounds like an arrainged marriage. But are you a human or someone's property?
In most of the civilized world both people make the decision themselves to get married together. Not third parties.
You still have to live with them if you do it just because someone else thinks you should. Its only your life that will be affected.
Yeah... its an arranged marriage... im staying in madurai... they don't understand my feelings...
They knew I'm not interested in this marriage
You either do as they say, or do what you want. They will never be happy with what you want and don't care since they know best(?). So decide what you will do since you probably still live with them. What happen if you live on your own? If you refuse to marry this fellow? What if you told him you want nothing to do with him?
What happens if you go against your parents wishes? Do you have younger siblings that cannot marry until you do?
I do have a younger sibling... sister.. im frustrated... im irritated with these people..
All ing people in my life... i.dont wish to live...
This is a artificial world and fake, people
How does a woman with all your education and now skills out in the wide world still act so passive? You don't say anything about loving them and wanting to please them, or that you feel you have to because they paid for your schooling, or anything! So just GO. Apply for a work visa (doctors are now lacking in the US), get a passport, and if you can't get the work visa, get a round trip ticket for 2 months, and go as a tourist. Work out your relationship with your boyfriend, and if you have to, go back to India, and get your own place to live while you wait for Immigration let you live in the US.
Their mission in life is to get their kids married to suitable mates. What's yours? The boyfriend left this way of life, and if its not for you, why not change it and leave yourself? Can you? What are the consequences of doing what you want?
Can you delay the wedding until you have decided? No doubt they want you married so they can get your other sibling married to a suitable mate of their choice so being irritated is not enough to change the traditions of your society. Is leaving an option?
I tried to please them for three yrs n still they don't understand okay...
They want you married by their rules and traditions. What part of that is it you just don't get? If they are so wrong then leave and do your own thing, but don't expect them to like it. That's not going to happen. NEVER.
In india .tamil nadu... where are u from?Quote:
Originally Posted by nischintha
I was brought up traditionally.. I didn't know I would love a guy so deeply... I m very tensed...
I live in Texas, where such things as arranged marriages are not a part of the tradition. Why didn't you follow your boyfriend? Few of us know how we will feel from day to day let alone year to year. Get over your boyfriend and accept the traditions you were raised under or leave.
So... marry your boyfriend instead.
Forced me and did this engagement... I didn't know those people come and get me engaged... I thinking how to break this marriage... see I can't l live peacefully
I'm going to run away.from home...
You said you love him deeply.. you also said you don't want to marry the peron they want you to marry... So I am assuming they are not the same person.
As was mentioned by Talaniman... make arraingements so you can follow your boyfriend... and do what its clear you want to do.
Both are different... im mailing my boyfriend since four months.. he isn't responding...
Keep in mind the differences in time between Inda and the USA. As I post this its 12.55 in the afternoon in the Eastern time zone, Depending on what part of Texas he is it could be 10:55 (Mountain time) or 11:55 (Central time) in the morning and its in the middle of the night for you. Unless he works an off shift, he's probibly working right now.
Okay... im literally fed up with my life... thanks for your help
Is there anything positive about this engineer? Is there any way to delay the marriage for a longer time?Quote:
Originally Posted by nischintha
What are the consequences for allowing yourself to be pressured into an arranged marriage. To you, to your life, to your husband to be, to your boyfriend.
You must have spent some time with who your family, and his family, chose for you. How does he feel in particular, and if I remember from prior posts like yours, if he is about your age, I think the added pressure to both of you is the older you get, the harder it is to get a husband/wife.
You are understandably feeling miserable. It is hard for someone like me (in Canada) to think that my husband would be chosen by others. I can't imagine that kind of family pressure. It was bad enough we were different religions.
But, with your education, you do have choices don't you? What I'd like to know is, if you choose not to marry, and instead follow your boyfriend, what will happen. Will your family come around? Will you have to face life without your family? Will you be shunned? Will they be?
And there is nothing to say that your boyfriend is worth betting the farm on. Maybe he will end up marrying someone else. Perhaps he will fall out of love for you- who knows what could happen.
In that case, are you able and willing to go alone to a different country and live your life on your own to fulfill your dreams? Why does there have to be a man in the picture at all?
WAIT - we aren't used to 'since 4 months.' Please explain whether you mean that you two have been in mail contact back and forth for the last 4 months, or you've been mailing him for 4 months with no response.
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