Ask Me Help Desk - My ex passed away

Okay.. I recently lost an Ex boyfriend[[Mitch]], because the night before he passed away we argued about him and I getting back together and I was with another guy[[Eric]] at the time. Mitch wanted me back and I had wanted him back just as much. Well, he asked me how I was going to end it with Eric, who I was with at the time and I told him I wanted to end it to where Eric and I were still friends and then go back to him. Well he didn't like that too much and we fought about it and some things were said between us.. and I had simply told him I just wanted to end it with Eric and it might take me a day or two.. so that way I knew Eric and I were still friends and Mitch and I would get back together. Mitch didn't understand why I wanted to still be friends with him even thou Eric treated me like dirt. So we fought about that. Then the last part of the conversation before he hung up on me was, "If you won't have me now then no one will have me, Ashmash, cause I love you and want to be with you" then he had hung up the phone on me.. well come to find out that morning.. Mitch killed himself and left me a 3 page [[front and back]] letter explaining to me why he loved me so much and why he couldn't stand that he had to wait for me to end it with Eric.. well I went to the wake and I couldnt' go to the funeral because I was upset as it is.. knowing he killed himself because I wouldn't go back to him that night.. I don't understand and I hold myself partically responsible for what he did.. don't get me wrong but I just don't understand why a person would kill them self over a girl.. I loved mitch so much and I still do to this day.. I can't get over him and I don't know how to deal with it.. I cry every night before I go to bed.. cause I can't get over it..

I don't know what to do or anything.. I need some help with this one.. it's been 6 months since he died and I don't know what to do.. I haven't even been to see his grave or nothing.. How do I get over it!! Why did he kill himself cause of me??

If any of you can help me.. I don't know where to start or what to do.. I need a lot of help and it seems like no one can help me.. my friends don't know what to say or try to help me feel better! Help me out..

Thank you so much!! [[ashmash]

If he loved you he would understand about what you wanted out of your other friend. He killed himself because he felt that you are his and no one can have you. He sounds CRAZY if you ask me. He didn't kill himself over you he killed himself over your choice and there was no reason for him to lose his life over something silly like that.
Don't worry its not your fault.

Kriscool

Kriscool I agree with you. He killed himself cause of the choice you made. It's not your fault Ashmash. He didn't kill himself cause of you. He knew you wanted to end it right with Eric but he couldn't accept that.
I hope you feel better. Try to forget about his words, and try to not blame yourself for what he did.

Do not blame yourself, I have been in this situation, in my case he was found before he was dead, but he is a vegetable, and it took me a long time to realize that he was not doing this over me but he was doing it out of his own selfishness and stupidity, he wanted to hurt me for moving partially on, I love hi and part of me still does, but you cannot live your life blaming yourself for someone else's choices, I have visited trevor, and it was hard it took me a year, I'm sure you'll know when your ready to visit his grave, trust me it will hurt but it will add closer for you

Actually no he did not kill hisself because of you at all, not your choice, not you having another boyfriend, If you were going back to him, he would have and should have been happy.

It was and is obvious he had serious control issues in wanting and controlling things the way he wanted them to be. He would have killed hisself if you had broken up with him, if you had agreed to dump the other guy, nothing you could have done would have changed the fact. He was merely looking for an excuse to blame someone else for many issues in his life and wants to make others feel bad because he could not cope with life.

So you go on with life, get new boyfriends, and continue with life, He is trying to control you in death ilke he wanted to control you in life, it is obvous signs of someone with seroius mental health issues, He was the one with issues not you. ( well OK, being with someone who was"treating you like dirt" and still wanting to be friends is an issue)

But there is for sure a lot of clues and things in a long letter like that I am sure points more to the true issues.

But anyone who kills thierself is not in control, and have mental health issues, since no one who is actually sane will do it. So no you are just an excuse for him to do what he most likely had already planned on doing.

Very intellegent point Fr_Chuck.

Kriscool

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kriscool

He didn't kill himself over you he killed himself over your choice and there was no reason for him to lose his life over something silly like that.

Wrong... and

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lotz_of_Questions

He killed himself cause of the choice you made.

Wrong. It is apparent that the two of you know nothing about mental illness.

He killed himself because he was mentally unstable. Anything could have thrown him over the brink that night. His mother could have told him he was having hamburgers for dinner when he wanted hot dogs. He still would have done it.

This is the nature of the beast that is called mental illness.

He was mentally unstable and there was nothing you alone could have done to stop this.

It may be best for you to seek counseling with a professional to understand mental illness and suicide. It would help you with the healing process and to understand that you had NOTHING to do with his death. Not what you said to him, not the choice you made, nothing. Sweetie, please do not blame yourself. If you look back, I am sure you now see warning signs that lead up to this.