I have met this guys online and been talking around one month plus. We never met each other as I now work outstation and only will be back after 2 months. He said he could wait for me. He was fine and all. Knowing the fact that I feel insecure all the time, he never fail to text me everyday, skype 3 to 4 times a week and call me if he is able to, telling me what is he doing.

Everything was fine until we talked about our sexual past. I am still a virgin but he have sex before and I know as we talked about it before. But that night, I asked the exact numbers of the girls. He refused to tell at first, said I would call him and stop chat with him.Age of 23, he had 27 girls in his past.

I didn't feel much impact about numbers but what killing me is he told me he kissed 14 girls and never have one night stand when we first talk and now, he suddenly got 20 other girls.

Is he a player? Should I get rid of him even he trying his best to keep me feeling secure? I have no idea how he think . And then, because after this we got no time to talk about this, I hold my grudge and jealousy for quite sometime and become not so into him anymore. Now, our texting is cutting down.

Should I even make an effort to sort this out or just let it be?

You don't even know this guy personally, he is on line, and you feel jealousy about how many women he has been involved with?? You may never meet him, he could be thousands of miles away from you.

Do not waste your thoughts and time on someone like this. Is he a player, who knows, who cares, he is just a guy on the screen or on the phone.

maybey, I am going to start by saying that a person's past is their past. They cannot change what they have done. You have to either accept it or move on.

People sometimes exaggerate or underplay their experience when they first start talking to a new person. That is why it is important to get to know a person over time before making any kind of commitment. One month or so talking on-line isn't very long. You barely know him as a person. He may be a player. He may be just a male who enjoys dating and has found other women who have the same mentality.

Even if he has been a player it doesn't mean he will continue to be one. Even players can settle down.

With that said, I am more concerned about your insecurity. You need to work on making yourself feel more secure and confident. You cannot make and should not encourage another person to take responsibility for making you feel secure. They cannot. If you don't feel secure inside yourself then you will need more and more reassurance until the person gets tired and drained and walks away or becomes resentful and strikes out. Constant contact actually feeds the insecurity. It doesn't make you more secure. It makes you rely on the other person and when they can't or won't respond the way you think they should, it increases the negative feelings such as jealousy, insecurity, anger, frustration, etc.

I suggest that you take time to figure out why you are insecure and how you can build up your confidence. I think you need to let him go so he can find someone who isn't going to hold his past against him or require constant reassurance.

If you stay in contact with this person make it as friends. No romantic ties. Get to know each other while pursuing your own lives.

How about meeting someone local... who can't hide behind the anonymity of a manufactured internet persona. Don't say you can't do it because that's how its always been done... and it worked out spledidly. You really don't know anything about someone online... they can claim to be a handsom or beautiful multimillionare... and in reality be some troll that lives in a homeless shelter with the only junk they can claim as their own fitting in a shopping bag. Them using a public library computer to play their games. Or worse... be a convicted sex offender looking for their next victim.

If he is 23 and had sex with 27 women, what do you think ? A player ? A player takes more time to know women. He is worst than a player. *( if it is all true)

I guess at 3 or 4 girls a year since he was 16, that could be true.

Issue is more, how many in last year, in last 6 months, if the past is an issue.

A quick way to ruin a relationship is to talk about who you used to have sex with.
That was rule number one, with my new girlfriend, we do not ever discuss past lovers.

Its really none of your business how he lives his life, or who he had/has sex with. It is your business to find out who you are talking too before you go blabbing your personal business (or lack of it) too, or even whether to believe him, or not. Guys can tell virgins (and non virgins) anything and freak them out, but who is dumb enough to believe an online stranger who caters to your curiosity, boredom, and need for attention? There are all kinds of people online and he is one of many no matter who he is and you are probably one of many he communicates with.

Don't fall for dumb stuff, and this is dumb stuff, and freak out when you get an answer to the questions you asked. What? You think he is an inexperienced lonely virgin or something? That's a dumb assumption, just as wondering if he is a player, or not. He may be lying or exaggerating, you never know. He may think YOU are lying or exaggerating too!!!!!!

That's the point you just don't know, so don't trip, but be cautious, VERY, VERY cautious with online strangers.

Maybey, you have just seen what people think now it is your turn to digest what they
have said. One month on the Plastic Screen, does not make a relationship. 27 womend
doesn't look like he is a beginner. So, if you do deside to go forward be careful.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

maybey, I am going to start by saying that a person's past is their past. They cannot change what they have done. You have to either accept it or move on.

People sometimes exaggerate or underplay their experience when they first start talking to a new person. That is why it is important to get to know a person over time before making any kind of commitment. One month or so talking on-line isn't very long. You barely know him as a person. He may be a player. He may be just a male who enjoys dating and has found other women who have the same mentality.

Even if he has been a player it doesn't mean he will continue to be one. Even players can settle down.

With that said, I am more concerned about your insecurity. You need to work on making yourself feel more secure and confident. You cannot make and should not encourage another person to take responsibility for making you feel secure. They cannot. If you don't feel secure inside yourself then you will need more and more reassurance until the person gets tired and drained and walks away or becomes resentful and strikes out. Constant contact actually feeds the insecurity. It doesn't make you more secure. It makes you rely on the other person and when they can't or won't respond the way you think they should, it increases the negative feelings such as jealousy, insecurity, anger, frustration, etc.

I suggest that you take time to figure out why you are insecure and how you can build up your confidence. I think you need to let him go so he can find someone who isn't going to hold his past against him or require constant reassurance.

If you stay in contact with this person make it as friends. No romantic ties. Get to know each other while pursuing your own lives.

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Thanks for your heartful advice.
I fully understand that I have nothing to do with his past. That's why I never release my anger or jealousy to him, and I didn't accused him for it. I did expect he has numbers of girls in his past but just not that much.lol.

Agreed and believe that players will eventually settle down on day. I just don't think that any players will settle down for me.

I am extremely inconfident as I got plenty of flaws myself. Unlike other girls in my country, they all behave nicely while I smoke, I not slim and I got skin allergies. You might think that I am ridiculous like this but yeah this is who I am. I think a lot and feel insecure when I saw the pictures he has a lot of hot girls with him and all. Think that he will cheat sooner or later, just a time being, now plus the fact that he might be a player.

I aware that he is a player. He said he want to settle down and all, which every players said so. I knew this is much a lie. Just that I can't really differentiate what's in my heart and head and get attached to him maybe too soon. So I freaked out and ask for help over here.

You met him online and only a month or so ago. This is not a relationship in any way, shape or form. He can do whatever he wants when he is not online and, so can you.

thanks :) we been great

How old are both of you... and why can't either of you meet someone local to you in person? I'm guessing neither of you live in remote Artic outposts.

Second.. what exactly does a guy wanting sex have to do with commitment anyway? None is the answer. A guy doesn't even need to know your name or anything about you to want to have sex... he just needs to find you somewhat attractive.

He wants a booty call... its obvious. Booty calls don't involve the promise of ANYTHING else in the future.

You are doing a lot of acting and deceiving. Just act honestly with people. You don't know where he stands because he is responding to your fake games.

yesterday he called and i have talk to him. he said he is extremely sorry for being a jerk. i decided to give him a chance. understood i might get hurt or how, but i jusst can't get over him. thank u guys for the all heartful advice. appreciate.

What's with all the drama? This sounds incredibly immature. If you two are older than middle school, wow, I would be shocked.

No he doesn't love you. You two don't know each other.

"And one day, he experienced bad stuffs in his life" Oh whoopie. Who hasn't? If I was you I would run the other direction.

Looking back at your older posts, it's clear to me that you two just don't know how to express feelings about how a relationship is developing. You wonder what he wants and expects, and he's wondering the same things.
How to start REALLY communicating?
You yourself can start by saying that you like him but are cautious because you want to have a good sense about a man's ability to commit, about his life and past and hopes and plans for the future, about what your dreams are and what his are.
That's what people do to feel each other out, before hopping in bed!
Good for you for waiting, but start learning how to talk about what you and he are all about!

Don't chase this obvious game player. And stop playing games yourself. If you cannot just date and have fun getting to know each other without trying to have an instant relationship before you do, then you are wasting your time in the first place.

You are both dishonest with each other because both of you have confusing hidden agendas. He wants in your pants and you want a dedicated boyfriend. Neither will get what you want, and that's REALLY obvious. You see that for yourself, but are ignoring the obvious. Texts and online chatting are NOT honest communications, and take NO efforts, so really mean NOTHING but tease and intrigue.

I told you about caution with online strangers, because it sparks fantasy and false high hopes and distracts from what you really should be paying attention too. You have reason to be afraid to give him your heart because he is a stranger, so drop the hopeful fantasy and protect yourself until you know much more. I highly recommend you explore other option because if he is your ONLY option, you are already in deep doo-doo!

Oy vey!

When middle school starts, concentrate on your studies.

Enough said.