My girl friend that I've been with for 5 years wants to have a baby, I don't because
1 I'm on SSI and can't find a job right now.
2 We live in a slum apt.
3 I don't feel that having kids in this generation is healthy or even right for that matter.
4 I don't think I'd make a good dad.
5 I don't think I'd be able to support one kid I mean damn they are expensive.
6 I don't think I'd be able to hold up to that kind of responsibility.

Now I will admit that there was a time that I said yes ,and I have been back and forth about it, and now I feel like because she wants a baby that I'm wasting her time over these years and for me being back and forth about it was indeed a real move on my part and I feel bad about it.

Her and I have been fighting about it and I just don't know what to do.

And apparently I'm being selfish about this so if I am tell me and if you can help me out please .

Thank you

Feel for you but this is a big one, if you can't agree and it isn't about logic or money then you should consider your future because you may not be on the same page

Don't have sex without protection... ALWAYS wear a condom... you can't trust her to do it.

And quite honestly... if both partners don't decide on having a kid... the other shouldn't be forcing the other into it... a child is a life long commitment.

You unlike too many others... have actually thought this through... and for that I applaud you.

It might result in breaking up... but stick to your guns... don't do it until you are ready for it.

I highly suggest you to sit and talk and make a plan to really evaluate what you want in the future. Your concerns are very valid, but so are hers at this point. Time to decide the next step and get on the same page somehow. Does she work or intend to work after having a child? How old are you both and what's her plan for making a better life for her child?

You need a reasonable compromise, and a good plan that resolves this for you both, so get her ideas about how to raise this child she wants so bad. While it's natural for a female to want a family, and just as natural for a guy not to want responsibility, chances are you want last much longer without a plan you both agree on, or it's going to happen without your permission.

So what you need is a plan either way. Maybe start with a plan to better yourself even though you are on SSI, so you can get out of that slum and see a better future somehow.

IF she is really wanting a child this may be an issue that will cause both of you to go in separate dirrections

I think you are brave, and honest, and truthful, to know that having a baby isn't something to do without at least the basics.

For all of this list you posted:

1 I'm on SSI and can't find a job right now.
2 We live in a slum apt.
3 I don't feel that having kids in this generation is healthy or even right for that matter.
4 I don't think I'd make a good dad.
5 I don't think I'd be able to support one kid I mean damn they are expensive.
6 I don't think I'd be able to hold up to that kind of responsibility.

... you are absolutely, without a doubt, not in a position to even consider having a baby.

To add to your current situation now, would be extreme hardship. You are not in a position to bring a baby into this world.

I have to say though, that when you are on your feet, and in better circumstances, with a solid relationship, then it is time to consider adding a baby, and I think you will someday make a great father, should you choose to have a baby.

To be pressured by your girlfriend shows that she is a little off in her thinking, if she cannot see how reasonable yours is. I would not leave her hanging though, and let her think that you will change your mind and give in. Let her know exactly how you feel, and that a baby is out of the question. Then it is her choice to stay in the relationship, or not.

Be careful that she doesn't get pregnant by 'accident'. Make sure she doesn't.

I don't think you're being selfish, you have perfectly good reasons for not wanting to have kids. The fact that you have thought about what kind of environment you would be bringing a child into, to me, is evidence of that. I think you need to speak to your girlfriend, as talaniman says, and see what her plans are regarding raising this child and what she can offer to make his/her life as good as it can be. If you two can agree on some kind of plan, perhaps that would make you feel better about having a child? If you two cannot agree on some kind of plan, or if you strongly feel that you do not want a child now or in the near future, perhaps you need to re-evaulate the relationship. Disagreeing on such a big issue can only lead to more fights and unhappiness for both parties.

For sure if you stay together, no doubt at some point she will get pregnant, as will any female you get with, so ready or not, get ready and be prepared for fatherhood.

You can hope for the best but plan for the worst. Life and reality don't care.

I think you both need to make a decision. She wants kids but after five years you are not married. First I think you have dated long enough to decide whether to marry her. If you do, then propose and set a date for a short engagement - none of this two year engagement crap - it has been long enough. Commit or get out and let her find a good husband and father. No kids if you can't commit to each other fully.

next, can you commit to specific steps to get ready for kids, say in a year or two? What if you made a plan to move to a nice neighborhood, get off disability and learn parenting skills? You could bank some money, meet with a free credit counselor or money manager and make a financial plan. Set your goals and honestly work toward them.

even if you are poor - especially then - you can set goals to move forward together. I don't know your disability but if you can't walk, you can still talk on the phone and type. Get career counseling to figure out your options. Start saving 5 percent of both of your incomes. Go out looking at inexpensive homes - it can be cheaper to buy than rent. There are even free grants now that pay most of your downpayment if you qualify, which is not hard to do. Meet with a realtor, ask them to suggest what and where to look. Then just go look at homes for fun. I started looking thinking it was impossible, then learned I found get a $7,500 grant and other practical help. Buying will be much cheaper than rent for me and I'm closing in one month - I am under contract to buy a condo.

I think this young lady wants to move to the next level. Talk to her about what you are willing to do, if you are:

get married
have a modest wedding so you can focus in finAncial goals to prepare for children
find resources for career counseling and training so you can work toward getting off disability
Meet with a priest or minister or counselor to talk about your values and ideas about raising a family
take a parenting class together
start paying off all your debt and saving 5 to 15 percent of all money that comes in
meet with a mortgage banker to find out what you have to do to qualify to buy your first home
ask about grant and loan programs you might qualify for to help you move to a nicer place

I think you will want to be a dad when you are married, in your own home in a safe and nice place, and are back to work. I think you will feel great about yourself and proud of these things. I think your girlfriend will be happier if you work toward being a stable provider, husband and father rather than a baby daddy,

the only difference between you and people who have all this is that they used the resources in the community (most of them are free) to learn what to do to move forward, and were willing to give up some things like eating out or designer clothes for more important goals. You can do it too. It's really fun and exciting to accomplish goals.

if you do to want to move forward toward a family life, then it's probably time to end the relationship. However, you are right to wait until you are ready. But if next year will be the same as this year, you will never be ready and are the wrong man for this woman.