Ask Me Help Desk - My wife in touch with her boy friend

Hi ,
I married a girl after 7 months of relationship . She didn't reveal that she had a relation almost 4 years and they had a breakup .
During our 7 month relationship I felt she is genuinely loving me . Soon after my marriage we had arguments over simple things , suddenly she said someone proposed her earlier and didn't tell anything else further .I thought that's something normal happening in college and she might reject that guy and ignored her comment . After sometime I have seen she was chatting with her friend saying she is bored .I was curious and checked chat history only to realize that she had a relationship another guy and they had a broke up. Checking other chats I realize that she is still in touch with the guy ( though she deleted the content ) " hi , howare you " I can makeout from chat .
We still enjoy sex together ,chats when away (but less than usual) ,she says "I love you" to me and kisses

I am really worried how to handle this case ? How can I help to forget her Ex ?

First off, I don't think that after marrying her, you could have been too sure of your marriage, if you are already snooping in her phone, and learning business that she clearly has left private.

Secondly, nobody ever forgets an ex. It is a part of one's life. I don't see that from what you've said, that she is having an affair. Perhaps she kept the ex a secret from you because you would react in a jealous, insecure way?

The initial stages of being in love with someone, enough to marry them, is euphoric and exciting. New relationships, like new marriages, eventually come back down to earth, and are not as intense. Day to day living, stresses of the job, small things that come up, arguments, etc. are all a natural part of any relationship. It is a natural part of being a couple.

Where the beginning may have been exciting and clouded by love, the relationship changes in other words. And there has been enough of a solid foundation within the relationship, that that part, grows, and matures.

Part of a solid, mature relationship, is realizing that each of you come with a past. Who doesn't. The key here is, the past IS the past, and it is to be accepted simply as that. To already be wondering about her, her ex, her chats, etc. isn't trust. It is suspicious, unfounded, and immature. Not good stuff to build a foundation on for a lasting marriage.

The person you need to speak to is her. Not behind her back when she isn't looking.

I don't know why you would marry a woman after only 7 months. It is hardly (and obviously), not enough time to know a person, let alone marry them.

You have to try harder to go forward in the marriage, and not backward. You may not have directly told her of your suspicious thoughts about her ex, but it will show. There is always distance between couples when trust is not apparent. So, you are already building, from her past, reasons to not trust her, and that kind of thinking and behavior, will only get worse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

First off, I don't think that after marrying her, you could have been too sure of your marriage, if you are already snooping in her phone, and learning business that she clearly has left private.

Secondly, nobody ever forgets an ex. It is a part of one's life. I don't see that from what you've said, that she is having an affair. Perhaps she kept the ex a secret from you because you would react in a jealous, insecure way?

The initial stages of being in love with someone, enough to marry them, is euphoric and exciting. New relationships, like new marriages, eventually come back down to earth, and are not as intense. Day to day living, stresses of the job, small things that come up, arguments, etc. are all a natural part of any relationship. It is a natural part of being a couple.

Where the beginning may have been exciting and clouded by love, the relationship changes in other words. And there has been enough of a solid foundation within the relationship, that that part, grows, and matures.

Part of a solid, mature relationship, is realizing that each of you come with a past. Who doesn't. The key here is, the past IS the past, and it is to be accepted simply as that. To already be wondering about her, her ex, her chats, etc. isn't trust. It is suspicious, unfounded, and immature. Not good stuff to build a foundation on for a lasting marriage.

The person you need to speak to is her. Not behind her back when she isn't looking.

I don't know why you would marry a woman after only 7 months. It is hardly (and obviously), not enough time to know a person, let alone marry them.

You have to try harder to go forward in the marriage, and not backward. You may not have directly told her of your suspicious thoughts about her ex, but it will show. There is always distance between couples when trust is not apparent. So, you are already building, from her past, reasons to not trust her, and that kind of thinking and behavior, will only get worse.

Can you suggest some tips to build trust.. How should I behave in this scenario ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by rupmotwani

Can you suggest some tips to build trust.. How should I behave in this scenario ?

Any suggestions please..