Let me start by saying that yes, I have been in some trouble in the past but the day I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to turn things around if I was going to keep this baby. When I (we, father is one of thos dead-beats) decided to have this baby I didn't realize it would be something my mother could use against me.
Things got bad enough that with the baby's father that I decided to leave him and move in with my parents so I could get back on my feet and get my life back together for me and this baby. Pretty much the day I moved in was the day it started with her and it sure hasn't stopped. She started by constantly telling me that I was just a guest in this house. I guess at the age of 22 anybody could be made to feel like that. She always had some snotty remark to make... infact the day she found out I was pregnant she told my dad that with any luck since I was only 7weeks along I would lose it, get over it, and move on.
-------Meanwhile they're in the middle of move up north to retire--------
Anyway, my dad seemed to be handeling everything OK although he did say he was disappointed in the choices I had made lately. Mom called the baby a disappointment. Up until the last 2 weeks she really hasn't even talked to me. But she sure didn't hesitate putting my PERSONAL business out there to this small town (pop. 2653). Then when I tried to get a job around here so I could pay bills that were growing I got turned away because they knew I was pregnant and what kind of trouble I had been in.
Well 2 weeks ago we went at, and I mean went at it!! She told me I was a screw up, well actually she said f*** up. Told me I was a burden and last night told me that I was too much of a burden for even god. Now I am not a religious person but damn!! She went on to tell me that I've never done the right thing, that I lie about everything to my friends. She even accused me of being pregnant while in high school and getting an abortion. When I denied it (crying and everything) she said there were plenty of ways for me to have had it done and been sneaky about it... Yea right. But regardless my opinion on that subject doesn't mean to her now. So now we don't really speak and we're living under the same roof. My dad tries to keep things chill but she even gets mad when me and him joke around or have a good conversation. All this after she told me I could come home if I needed and start over.
Just tonight she took all the books I put in a bookshelf for her and threw them all over the floor downstairs. I was just told to go clean it up.
Why is it that my dad can tell me he is excited about being a grandfather and that he's here to help but my mother calls me a disappointment, a burden, a liar, a loser... it just goes on. Why should I have this baby here? I don't want her to have anything to do with my baby... am I in the wrong after everything that's gone on?

In my opinion you have to live your life for YOU. People and relationships particularly with immediate family members are so very complex as I'm sure you know.

But no one else has to live with you and your life and counselling is always a good way of discussing the pros and cons to a situation and taking everyone's point of view into consideration.

Life is too short however - try and work out what's right for ryou but also that you never know what's rounff the corner in life and therefore could you live with yourself if... a particular decision was made.. etc.

Would like to know how you went.

Best of luck I hope everything plans out OK.

Kind regards

Marge

How old are you ?

I think you have to get out of this house. Your mother is poisoning the environment for you and your unborn child. Maybe she has reason to be angry with you because of your attitude and actions, maybe not, but beyond food and shelter, she's not helping you get back on your feet.

If there are no other options, contact social assistance and stay at the YWCA for awhile.

Once you are out, you need to figure out how you are going to support yourself and your baby as a single mother. From this point forward, you can only count on yourself to make things happen for you and your child.

Do you have any close friends that you can rely on to be there for you and support your decision in having your baby? If so I would say your going to really need there support when it comes down to it, right now you need to talk to someone about getting help such as dss, or even your wic could help you find services available to you. Maybe after the baby is born and your mother sees it for the first time she'll change her aittude.

OK. You mom is angry and has a right to be angry. She is also scared about what will happen for you, and probably about what kind of financial responsibility she will end up having, unwittingly, for you and your child. She and your Dad were planning to retire, looking forward to this time, and you came back home pregnant by, in your own words, a "deadbeat".

That said, she has said way too much and much of it was abusive and nasty, and throwing the books and the language were way over the top and not deserved. I'm not sure what you said or did, but I'd guess you probably held your own and made a few remarks that might have been better unsaid?

This is my suggestion...

First, contact an attorney to find out what you have to do to enforce child support payments from the deadbeat. You will want to do this the moment you can.

Second, make a financial plan for yourself. Determine what it will cost to survive on your own including child care, an apartment, a reliable vehicle, reasonable living expenses. Add about $500 per month to whatever you think you will need because you will forget some things and will have some unexpected expenses, particularly with a child.

Third, find out what kind of resources are available for health insurance for you and your baby and make sure you are both insured. If you can't afford insurance, check with your state - you may well qualify for all kinds of assistance that you do not even know about. Do that right away and make sure to get good prenatal care.

Then, make a plan and determine how long you anticipate being with your parents and how you can earn your keep there so that you will not feel like or be viewed as a freeloader. Can you take over making dinner a few nights a week? Are there errands you can run? Could you make a financial contribution to the household at least to offset the additional grocieries?

Once you have a plan, talk to your mother - make sure nobody has been drinking and don't wait until evening, when people tend to be tired and more argumentative. Ask if she'll have a talk with you and let her know your plans, and ask for and listen to her advice. Don't criticize or defend against her advice - tell her you may not agree with it but you are going to listen and give a few days to thinking about it. Thank her for letting you come home and apologize to her for disappointing her. Tell her you need her support and love, and that while you know you screwed up, you want to fix this and make a good life for yourself and your baby.

You have a window of opportunity while you are with your parents to straighten your life out, and make a path for yourself. Wallowing in negative energy with your Mom is not productive, and you have no time for anything that's not productive. She was wrong, you were wrong - forget about it and take the high road.

If you are not likely going to be able to earn enough money to live on with your child (at least $3,000 per month I would guess), you need to go to school and get an education so you can earn more money. See if your parents would be willing to let you stay with them until you can earn an associates degree, for example, so that you can be more stable once you do move out. You can do a lot of college classes on-line.