Long story-short, I was a guy (university student) who was in an emotional affair with this girl who is in a long distance relationship. I realised what we were when it was too late. We have agreed to distance(without admitting any feelings) but we are in the same classes and all. I know for a fact that she puts on this façade that she hates me and tells her close friend that but we talk normally in class. However, when we are alone, for some reason, she becomes more willing to talk and is genuine and the chemistry we had is still there. (My guess is she just does not want to look like a cheater) She says she's annoyed with me to our mutual friends but she randomly texts me after about completely random things (after not texting with each other for weeks). I think she's just finding excuses to hate me and is in denial.

I don't want this to go on. I want her to settle her feelings and all without me being blamed or anything but she hates confrontation and is too insecure to admit anything. My close friends (girls) have told me to just ignore her but I'm not sure what that will achieve.

I just want us to be normal friends again without crossing any boundaries or is that too much to ask because of the strong emotional connection we had? If that is the case, is it possible to reconnect if she ever becomes single?

She's a backstabber. To her friends she says she hates you, she blames you for her own actions and feelings. Then, when no one is watching, she runs to you, playing games with you.

Your female friends are right. Ignore her. No texts, no calls, no emails, delete her from fb, and ignore her. She doesn't deserve your friendship, and she's proven that.

She needs to deal with her own issues, and what she's done. Putting the blame on you, and making you look like the bad guy to everyone you're both friends with, well, with friends like that, who needs enemies?

I guess you don't have the nerve to ask her why she puts the bad mouth on you to her friends behind your back. Or can figure she may like you and wants you to make a move even if she has a boyfriend who is unavailable to her, so she needs attention from a guy.

Regardless, she couldn't play mind games if you confront her, or ignore her as a flake. Or BOTH. Games are for kids, not adults so don't trip on kid games. She does what she does because you let her do it.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I guess you don't have the nerve to ask her why she puts the bad mouth on you to her friends behind your back. Or can figure she may like you and wants you to make a move even if she has a boyfriend who is unavailable to her, so she needs attention from a guy.

Regardless, she couldn't play mind games if you confront her, or ignore her as a flake. Or BOTH. Games are for kids, not adults so don't trip on kid games. She does what she does because you let her do it.

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I like the confronting idea but that will just put our mutual friends on the spotlight and I will be going behind their back. I've been ignoring for a few days now but what happens if she texts again? I always replied before.

Knowing what you know, why keep replying? Does that even make sense? Be very busy and unavailable. Short and polite since she is annoyed by you any way. Is that the way you want your friends to treat you? If mutual friends are letting you know what she is doing would they care if you blew her game up?

Gotcha. Yea this mutual friend has told me not to bring her in it because she just wants to be sitting on the fence and I'll respect that. I do have another question though; what happens if she becomes single and then comes to me?

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Originally Posted by benDePro93

Gotcha. Yea this mutual friend has told me not to bring her in it because she just wants to be sitting on the fence and I'll respect that. I do have another question though; what happens if she becomes single and then comes to me?

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Why would you want her now that have you found out what she is truly like?

I definitely do not want her now; but I don't know for sure how I will feel if that day ever comes. She may have some full blown apology or something and change. Clearly, her goal now is to not look like a cheater and is doing it in a super immature fashion.

The best way to deal with these confusing social situations is to keep a healthy distance with the ones you are confused by and not get caught up in their drama, or immaturity. Seems you are making such a big deal over this one person that is a classmate, and has issues that you make her issues YOURS. They are not.

You have to do something besides worry about what she does my friend, because it's pointless to let this distract you and bother you. So you got close for a while, let it fade away as people come and go in your life and no need to hold so tightly to them or their drama. Speculating on what she will do in the future is futile since she probably doesn't know herself.

Deal with your own maturity, NOT her's.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

The best way to deal with these confusing social situations is to keep a healthy distance with the ones you are confused by and not get caught up in their drama, or immaturity. Seems you are making such a big deal over this one person that is a classmate, and has issues that you make her issues YOURS. They are not.

You have to do something besides worry about what she does my friend, because it's pointless to let this distract you and bother you. So you got close for a while, let it fade away as people come and go in your life and no need to hold so tightly to them or their drama. Speculating on what she will do in the future is futile since she probably doesn't know herself.

Deal with your own maturity, NOT her's.

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Your advice is amazing! You put it very nicely! Thank you so much I will do that.