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I was dating a guy since December and recently found him on a couple of online dating sites. Then a few weeks later he announced on FAcebook that he was in a relationship with a girl 20 yrs younger in the Philippenes that works for the same company as he. I believe he used his company to meet young girls. She is just using him to get to the States. What can I do to stop her from coming here?
Unless you work for immigration, there's very little you can do.
You can butt your nose in and inform immigration, tell them of your concerns, and they'll look into it if they feel it's worth spending the time and effort. But that's all you can do, and after that, it's out of your hands.
Why do you care so much about this? Why not just move on and forget about him instead of doing your best to cause him trouble?
I see drama queen written all over this post.
You can't do anything if she is able to come here legally. You just need to butt out and move on.
Thank you for your advice.
I care because he has a 6 yr old son. I feel this young woman won't have the slightest clue how to take care of him nor herself in the states. I believe she is trying to get married to him then take his assets which are solely for his son. I just don't' want to see him hurt in all of this.
I don't feel I am causing trouble if he or she is breaking a law.
Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
I didn't ask to come on this forum and get insulted. I'm just asking a question.
No, not a drama queen... I just believe in fighting for what is right.
You don't even know this girl personally and you are making some serious accusations. You know what it means when you ASSUME!
Yes, it's for me to find out if that is why she is coming here. Geez... you guys just sit back and let things happen. I'm going to find out the truth.Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
The truth is is that she can come here if she can get all of the proper documentation.
Is his 6 year old son also your son? If not, he's responsible for his child, not you. He knows this young woman, you don't. How do you know what she will or won't do?Quote:
Originally Posted by elderberry68
You're butting your nose in where it doesn't belong. There's more to this than you caring about a child that isn't even yours, and a man that obviously doesn't want to be with you. I think you're angry that he dumped you, and you want to get even.
Here's what will happen if you notify immigration. Nothing. Why? Because you have no info that shows that what you think she's doing, is actually what she's doing. You have nothing that's going to prevent her from marrying him and entering the country. The only thing that will end up happening if you continue trying to rule his life, is you getting hurt.
You need to move on.
He didn't dump me... I dumped him after I found him on 2 dating online sites.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alty
As an educators, I advocate for children every where so yeah, it's up to someone to speak up for kids when their caregivers can't or are not making good decisions.
I don't know totally if she is up to this, but I got a feeling she is and what if Immigration finds out I'm right? Hey, then it was worth it.
I have moved on just fight for what I believe in.
So you're advocating for a child that hasn't been abused, hasn't been mistreated, and you're only doing this because it might happen? If you treat every child like that, you'll have to speak for every child on the planet, before mistreatment is proven. In other words, every child that's born needs you for an advocate, just in case something happens, even though nothing has so far.Quote:
Originally Posted by elderberry68
Fight for what you believe in, I totally agree with that. But I don't fight for no reason, and that's what you're doing.
I'm an animal advocate. My neighbors recently got a dog. She has 4 kids. The oldest used to pick on my son. I don't like that child. Should I call the humane society because I don't like my neighbors son and he could (like any other person) abuse the dog, even though he never has, and I have no evidence that he will?
That's what you're doing!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alty
Well, this has been enlightening... must be the younger generation... my generation fought for things that we had to have. Yours on the other hand... well... just followed everyone else... Good Night and I'll know I've done the right thing.
LMAO! How old are you that you think I'm the younger generation?Quote:
Originally Posted by elderberry68
I fight for the things I believe in, but I don't fight blindly, and that's what you're doing! You have no proof that this girl is going to harm the child of your ex boyfriend. You assume she will, but you have nothing to base your assumptions on.
When I fight for something, I fight tooth and nail. My age has nothing to do with it. It's called being a good person. What you want to do is the opposite of being a good person. It's very sad that you can't see that.
Good luck to you.
Oh, and just so you know, I'm 43. Not young by any means.
Younger generation? Most likely I am old enough to be your mother. It's actually the generation younger than me who creates all this drama. My generation knows when to speak up and when to keep quiet.
You are making some very serious assumptions that could land you in some very hot water should you continue down this path. Have you ever heard of slander or libel? If you have no proof, you keep your nose out of it until you have something that can back up your allegations.
Sounds to me like...and you know, I might be stretching it just a little but....it sounds to me like you are upset since you were dating him and he found someone else...so you are wanting to keep her from coming here to A) get even with him and/or B) to keep her away from him so you might still have a chance. But, like I said, it may be a stretch what with you wanting to do the right thing and all since apparently she is or potentially could be an evil, evil woman.
There is nothing illegal about dating and talking to several women at one time. Perhaps not moral, but nothing illegal.
There is nothing you can do, if the women he is talking to, are over 18. A 20 year age difference is actually not that uncommon with older men and younger women, esp when dealing with over seas relationships.
Sorry, but sounds like he was dating and cheating, really not too uncommon for online relationships either.
As a nurse, I understand your dilemma, I also advocate for children everywhere. I am a labor and delivery nurse, I can only report to child services if a mother AND the baby are positive for drugs. I can't call CPS because I think a mother might use drugs in the future.Quote:
Originally Posted by elderberry68
To do what you want to do, you need solid and concrete evidence that she may be a danger to this child. You don't have that. You are only assuming, because she is 20, that she is ill-equipped to take care of the child and that she might be a gold digger.
What is read in your post, by most of us older than you, is that you want to create drama in your ex because you found out that he was cheating on you.
You don't have a clue that this father is not making a good decision for his 6 year old son, as you don't know this woman. IF she were to come to the US, she could be the best mother in the world. IF that were ever to happen, it probably won't.
The problem here is that you are jumping to conclusions because she is 20, and because he went behind your back. So, in essence, you are creating drama to get back at him because he did this.
If you were this child's "educators," you would have a case once abuse or neglect is proven. However, you are only trying to be malicious because he did this behind your back. You have only been dating him for 4, maybe 5, months.
And I'm 50. Not quite the "younger generation."Quote:
Originally Posted by elderberry68
What shows extreme naïveté is that you think there is some way to prove her motive for coming here. So they marry - does that prove ulterior motive? Not at all. And then she 'steals all his assets.. ' Do you contact immigration then? No, if she actually steals, he contacts the police, but how does a spouse press charges against a spouse for stealing? And so on... it's all absurd.
Immigration does grill couples who marry when one just came from another country. Usually the foreigner pays the American a sum of money for a sham marriage that lasts until the monitoring is over. That's not the case here, I'm sure. If he is enamored of her, and it turns out to be a mistake, it's HIS mistake. And it's his job to take care of his son, not yours. There are thousands of children in this country who are being neglected and abused at this moment. Trying to police the future is illegal to say the least.
(My brother married a young woman from the Philippines - over 30 years ago. They met through a newspaper, I think. They are still married.)
You have nothing but your suspicions. ICE has enough to deal with then follow-up on your suspicions. All you will be doing is wasting their time (and, therefore, taxpayer money). You talk about doing what's right, well what's right in this case is to keep your nose out of it. I assume this man is an adult since he has a 6 yr old child. As an adult he can decide for himself.
Sorry, but I really don't buy the child advocate thing. I think something has your nose out of joint and you are looking for an element of revenge.
Bottom line here is there is nothing you can do if she legally obtains a green card. And it is not that easy to do so. ICE will screen her without your blowing the whistle.
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