Basically there is this girl I met on tinder a couple of months ago, we really hit it off and had a ridiculous amount of stuff in common. Including a shared love of anime, she is also heavily into cosplay, something which I've never done since I more of the sporty type and have no friends into anime or anything like that so anime sort of been my secret, but I wanted to experiment with cosplay because she was so into it and I know it would be fun to do with her. I was so surprised I had found a girl that I really liked and was also into the same things that I couldn't believe it and was super excited. At this point she told me how excited she was to meet me and how happy she was we started talking, this was one of the best feelings I've felt and just really wanted to make her feel like this all the time, I had planned an amazing date to take her on, and she agreed to going out with me then but she lives in Thames just over an hour away so I wasn't in a rush to do anything since she said she may be coming up for Easter and I was planning to do something then and everything seemed perfect. She was even planning to move to auckland for uni in the future.

Anyway a few days later she got back together with her ex who had cheated on her. I was pretty upset and got a bit soppy but wished her the best. A few days later they broke up again and she messaged me. I said I'd give her some space till she was feeling a bit better, since I didn't want to take advantage of her when she was vulnerable. About a week later she started talking normally again and seemed OK so I started being more flirty. She kept seeming on and off she told me about this game she plays gw2 which she enjoys but wanted someone to play it with, so I bought it so I could play with her. Eventually I asked her out again and she said she didn't have a way to get to me since she lives about an hour away and only had a moped. I said I'd pick her up and drop her home. She didn't reply so I just left it a few days later I had to know so I asked again and she came back with she was just wanted to be friends. I kept pushing because I knew she was sort of on and off and she'd agreed before, and if I could just take her on this one date I had planned. I knew she would see how much she meant to me. I know now I shouldn't have pushed but I felt I was so close.

She then came back with she was seeing someone else which I knew was a lie and called her on it another mistake. I then asked to just let me take her out on this one date and after if she still felt the same it was fine I wouldn't expect a second, I just wanted one chance to try. She said I was scaring her by being so persistent she then blocked me on fb. A few days later the ex a twisted son of a smarmy wrench started talking to me and offered help, I thought sure cause he said he was seeing someone else anyway he got her to unblock me and we started talking normally again, I apologised to her and her friend who she had talked to about me. I explained to her a friend a week or so later what I had planned and why I was trying so hard. After telling her this she also agreed that she wished she would have given me a chance too. I took this to heart and sort of started trying again. Later on I found out from her friend that she was back with her ex and he was playing me. The so called girl he was apparently seeing was a fake account and apparently had done a similar thing to the friend I had been talking to.

Long story short things got worse, she thought it was my fake account and I had also seen she had deleted him as a friend on her Facebook. I asked her friend about this if they had broken up again or something and her friend must have told her I had stalked her page and she blocked me again and I tried talking to her through her friend that night and I had told her friend how much I liked her and had never felt like this about anyone before. She helped at first relaying my messages and I tried to just salvage a friendship so that I could stay in contact and meet up with her etc and eventually make something happen much slower this time. But she wouldn't listen and her friend started to get pissed of thinking I was taking it too far and saying that you can't like someone this much when you haven't met.

When I think about this its sort of true but we had talked so much that I knew a lot about her and from what I knew I really liked and just wanted a chance to see if she was the one, she had the potential to be a best friend as well as a girlfriend. A few days ago I hand wrote her a letter explaining the date I had planned and why I had tried so hard and hoped even if she couldn't forgive me now that she would be able to one day and talk to me again. Attached were two tickets to the Hamilton Armageddon. She had wanted to go to with me in the beginning, and I said I would love to go with her but I understood if she didn't want to and to take her friend if that was the case. Also made a usb of some of her, what I thought would be, her favourite episodes of Bleach, her favourite movie and a series. I had told her about that she might enjoy. And flowers in her favourite colour, probably over the top, but I was hoping she could see I wasn't just talk about how I felt. I drove to Thames and left these for her at her work. I had really wanted to talk to her face to face but didn't want to pressure her or scare her, thinking back I wish I had tried. Even her friend agrees the guy she is going out with is a scumbag and doesn't really care about her. I just like her so much and I know I shouldn't try contact her again. If you have any advice could you please help? I don't know how things are with her ex but I know they are friends again on fb but nothing more. Is there anything I should do? Or just wait and hope she realises I did only have good intent.

At the moment I just really want her as a friend again so that we can talk etc and maybe I will have a shot in the future when she moves here if she still does, but I know if I can't even get her to talk to me anymore I can't make anything happen in the future. Please any advice would be appreciated I know its stupid to say I love her cause I haven't even taken her out but I've never felt this sort affection to someone and just making her happy just make me feel happy. I'm sure I've scared her by being so persistent and saying how much I like her, but honestly it was only cause I really wanted to take her on that one date, and see what developed. After that dates would be more standard and I'd lay off and let her decide if she wanted a second etc. I just wanted the first to be something really special we could both remember fondly whether things worked out after that. I had even planned o take her to this cosplay ball in June and had started growing out my hair so I could cosplay as grey fullbuster.

Below are the details of the date I had planned, in the letter I gave her this was what I told her accept hand written in a hope she could see why I tried so hard. The letter also contained other information about how special I thought she was but really just wanted her as a friend again.

Stage 1 the pick up my only clue to you was to wear something formalish. I managed to figure out that your favourite colour is blue from the amount of blue clothes you wear, so I was going to get you a bouquet of blue flowers and id got you a silver necklace with a saphire pendant which id give to you with a note inside the case saying thought these would look nice with your blue dress, since I'm 90% sure you would wear a blue dress. I also planned to get you a box of those dairy milk trays, you know the flat rectangular boxes, I was then going to carefully cut the seal, open it up and remove all the centre chocolates enough to fit a book in, among the things you said you had wanted to do with me was go to the libraries to see comic books, so well I found this comic book store in the city and I was going to get a couple of comics from the batgirl and teen titan series since I know those are your favourites, I was then going to put them in the box along with two pieces of blue card one at the top and one at the bottom, the one on top would say I thought you would appreciate these more than chocolates. The one underneath the comics would say I hope I can always make you feel like this and attached would be a picture of our first conversation that I had saved before you deleted your tinder account, I think you know which one, it’s the one where you say how super excited you are to meet me and I say the same. Every time I read this I can't help but feel a spark of happiness that I made you feel that way, and its really soul crushing to know that I drove those feelings away. I would then carefully reseal the box so it looked like a normal box of chocolates. I then planned to turn up with these in my tuxedo to make it as romantic and memorable as possible

Stage 2 trip to auckland - I have a two seater convertible so the drive would be fun and I know you want to learn to drive so id give you a bit of a fun lesson on the way up, let you change gears etc once back in Auckland I planned to take you for walk along the viaduct and get some gelato they have some really cool flavours like fererer roche and pistachio etc

Stage 3 the actual date - I would then have a booking at the 360 orbit for 530 a restaurant on the top floor of the skytower that revolves giving you a view of the city and viaduct, it’s a flash romantic place well at least I've heard, hence the tux and your formal dress. Id take you there at 530 because the sun is meant to set at just before 6 which means we could have drinks and appetisers whist viewing the sunset. This is the main reason I was trying so hard to take you out these holidays so that the weather would be good and we would have a nice scenic view. After dinner id take you up to the observatory deck where we could talk and take in the night time surroundings see the stars and watch the people in the city below scurry about through the glass floor. After this I had planned to take you to go see the new captain America (well spiderman 2 since a few weeks ago maybe lucy) movie at imax cause I know you have never been to imax and neither have I,I thought you would really enjoy it since your into comics so id assumed you'd like these sort of movies like me. After that I would drop you back to your doorstep give you a hug goodnight and a small kiss on the forehead, and hope you enjoyed yourself as much as me and can see how much I care about you, how much you mean to me, and hoped it would be night we could always remember fondly even if things didn’t work out after.


Is my case completely hopeless? I don't even know if she kept the letter and things I gave her and if she is back with her ex he knows how I feel about her so that possiblly could also be a factor stoping her from unblocking me. But she hasn't contacted me in anyway since the letter so I have no idea, and I don't want to try contact in case it makes me look needy and clingy when really I just want to be able to be friendly with her again and if things don't work out with her cheating ex again which I really don't think they will, maybe try be there for her then and hope she realises how much I care about her and rekindle some of her initial feelings for me.

Please any advice or help would be greatly appreciated!

I am sorry, I can't follow this with bad punctuation and no paragraphs. I am sure others here will feel the same. But... got the gist of it. No you can't have feelings like this, not having met.

Why get SO upset with people you have never met, and probably never will (thank god).

They are playing with you, don't you get it ? Leave off this communication and get one with your normal life, if you have one.

WHY do you want to continue dragging out this ridiculous drama? You are merely a yo-yo, something to have a bit of fun wi​th. Move forward and find serious and honest dates nearby.

Leave the girl alone and get a clue. You are acting pretty creepy. She is obviously not over this ex and not in to you. Your writing and gift giving is a sure sign of being desperate. Leave her alone!

Well thanks for the advice, though it doesn't make me feel any better or like her less, I know I've acted like a creep and was hoping there was a way to right it, in the letter I told her that it would be the last time I contact her and hoped she could forgive me one day and could see I only wanted to make her happy like in the beginning.

I geuss I just wanted to know if there is a chance she would in the future and give me a chance not to be a creep, I've learnt a lot from all the mistakes I made, but she was sort of perfect with all our stuff in common and things we wanted to do. I know how desperate I looked and I just thought I was so close I had to push a bit more, then I realised that was a mistake and tried to make it right but made it worse.

Yes, you pushed too much, should have backed off, but under the circumstances I don't think that would have done any good. As I stated, they were playing with you. Should teach you a lesson to stay away from trying to initiate long distance relations, on line relationships. They don't work !

I've never wanted to be in a long distance relationship, but its not really that for only an hour and she was planning to move to where I live for uni and had a trial sort of thing in June where she was coming up abit so everything seemed like it would work perfectly

This girl was still hung up on her ex, so this was not going to work anyway. Making friends with her ex and talking about her with him... that is messed up. I think they were playing games with you and I don't know why you would want to get to know anyone like that better.

Well because she is sort of innocent in this and looking back most likely just hurt and confused, in between all this she said she was still friends with her ex, thought this was a bit weird but didn't say anything about it cause I didn't want to upset her, then when he talked to me he seemed OK and I thought maybe this isn't so weird if she's still friends with him.

Sounds like a great well thought out plan. Problem is she wants nothing to do with it, so stop being an obsessed psycho drama queen who can't take a hint, or no for an answer.

That IS creepy... super creepy!! Leave her alone.

I have left her alone,and am not trying to contact her, all I really wanted to know was if there is any chance she might have her old feelings for me again? If I've done something that won't ever be forgiven? And if there is any possibility I will have a chance if she does end up moving here

I think she is done with you and you should be done with her. I think the only feelings she had for you is, you were her rebound. No real feelings there.

Well I hope your wrong, but I think maybe only time can heal this, I guess I knew before I posted this that I would need something short of a miracle to happen. I'm 20 and she's 18 so time kind of is something we have, I don't know, I don't intend to pursue her because it could only make things worse but can't help but hope I get a chance with her, especially if she moves here for uni.

Spend you time pursueing something realistic... a girl local to you.

Instead of a fantasy. And she IS a fantasy because a person ALWAYS creates a fantasy nobody could live up to when they chase a long distance online pseudo relationship.

There is no way to change, or make her forget the stupid things you did. And she has a poor maturity level also. I see no way to save this ( well actually there is nothing to save, any relationship is merely in your imagination.