He has been in and out of detention centers, now he has felony's, and needs a job now that he is trying to turn his life around. It has been hard for him because of his felonies. I am trying to keep him encouraged and out of trouble. He is living with me, mom in NC and father has moved back with his mother. I am the place he is living now but it is so hard. He has many issues and I am doing my best keep him straight. I need help. I see all these places like Judge Mathews, Steve Harvey but how do I get help from them? How do I contact them and will they help me?

I am trying to save my grandson life. If he don't stay out the street, smoking drugs and listening to the crazy rap music it is so hard for me to get through to him. He went to college for a year says he is going back in the fall but he leaves my house and goes places on a tangent and I don't know where he is or what he is doing. I am so scared for him. Seem that I am crying out for help and nobody is hearing me. I pray because I am a Christian follower of Christ so I know God will help me to get the help I need and I will keep writing, keep praying and asking for help until someone somewhere hears my cry.

He is my first born grandbaby and sadly to my daughter that did not have good parenting skills neither did his father so now he is totally out of control. Please I pray to God I get help somewhere. I am not rich I work for the Federal Government but I can't pay thousands of dollars to him to get out of trouble all the time. Right now he is not in any trouble but I am so scared that he will if he doesn't change. So please if you read this know someone that can help him, mentors, programs, etc. that can help me I am seeking all suggestions.

"now he has felony’s" - as in more than one? Were they all related to the same event and timeframe? Did the felonies involve violence?

You and he need to focus on finding any employment to start with, such as a local restaurant or maybe a yard service. Yes it's a crap job but it is income and it is much easier to look for a better job when you are working a job. He also needs to start with a crap job because he needs discipline and structure in his life. Children, men, and dogs crave structure in life.

One thing that might help is if you approach this positively with him. Yeah he had a bad start in life but he can only blame that for so long. As an adult he is responsible for whatever happens now.

How old is he now? You say he is a troubled young man and you want to straighten him out but at the same time you say he runs off to do the wrong things with the wrong people. Ultimately, changing his life is going to be up to him and there is only just so much you will be able to do about it. If he wants to run off and keep up this lifestyle, how can you really change that? It will have to be him that wants to change.

Thanks yes we are looking for all type of jobs but his attitude is so bad, I can't kept allowing him yelling at me when I am trying to explain something to him. He is so damaged. I feel he needs to be mentored by a strong man a leader, someone to look up too besides those rappers. I can't continue to take his yelling at me, I will pick up something and hit him and then he may hit me back then it turns real bad because I will call the police on him, then he locked up again. This is just much for me. He needs help real bad what happened to him in Jail I don't know but his attitude is horrible. But yet he is trying he can't handle discouragement. I pray all the time but I am having such a hard time with this. If he could go into the services, if he could go to a somewhere like that see the other side of the world where people live in worst condition then he do over here. I don't know what the answers are but it is real bad. He has I think four felons on his record. BE's and gun charge that never went to court, and stealing from stores, stuff like that but no violence. I don’t’ know is there a way for me to pull all his records to see what is on there then I will do that and I will see. I felt like I want to go and talk to the recruit officer for Marines. Trying to get in touch Judge Mathews, or Steve Harvey thought may they could send him somewhere for a while to one of their camps but I don’t know but I do know this I need help.

I think the services were an option before the felonies. I am not so sure they are now.

I agree with Odinn. You can only do so much. If he wants to stay out of jail, then it is up to him and only him.

Next time when he goes to jail don't bail him out.
If he want the life of a criminal let him live like one in jail.
His attitude won't be different then the ones in prison.
Prison will change his mind. Protect yourself from being harmed because guys like him will hurt their own family. Depression anger can cause a troubled mind.

Okay thanks.

How old is your grandson?

Why are his parents no longer responsible for him?

Them giving up might have a lot to do with this. Bad parenting is not an excuse to dial out. Parenting can be learned if parents are motivated.

Can you give more detail as to his history, for example, has there ever been a mental health assessment, or has he ever had counseling.

How long has he lived with you, and is his grandfather in the picture?

Are there other family members that might be able to help?

He is 19 and his parents were young when they had him. Not married and later more concerned with their other kids. He is the oldest. I have been by his side ever since he was born. Trying to help my daughter with him but she is very defiant against me so never would listen to me. I saw this coming long time ago. He had a rough childhood going from one parent to another. Confronted with abuse and seeing relationships abuse with his mother and father as a little boy. His father took him from her only because he did not want to pay child support and the court would not allow me to step in and they gave him to his father at 9 years old. He then started smoking cigarettes; I think using drugs and drinking, and sexually tampered with by someone one older then he was in his father's neighborhood. I only thank God I believe it was a teen girl massing with him at a young age. We never knew but I suspected all of this and would try to confront my daughter with these issues but she would curse me out and say I was over dramatic and sometimes she would take him from me not allow me to see him at times stuff like that. I would humble myself so I could continue to get to see and keep him bring him over my house. I knew a lot was going on and there is so much more that I don't know and he will never tell me. I don't know what happened to him in juvenile detentions center as I was the only one going to see him. Went every weekend drove 7 hours each other Sunday to go check on him. They never went to see him not once. I have been to every court case; they have not been but maybe once. My daughter finally fought to get him about 14 or 15 years old because he was getting into much trouble but he was so out of control that she just gave up on him. Now she is in Charlotte, NC and he he got in bad trouble down there, BE and gun charge something I never thought he would do, it was not him. He is like he don't understand so much about life, He tries for a minute then off the chain again. Now he is in Maryland living with me. He will be with me for a while now and I am trying my best to keep him out of trouble and on a positive road. But I need help. He needs a job and school, he is saying he will go back to college in the fall but he needs part time employment and it is hard with the felons. He deserves a chance it is not all his fault. He wants to change but discouragement hurtshim then he goes into a stupor and that when I worry about him getting back in trouble. He needs to feel good about himself he wants to change but he result back when he loses hope and will not talk about it just act out and hurt himself. God only knows what this does to me and to him. I pray some one have in their heart to reach out and help him give this child a chance.

Mentoring Programs and Youth Services - Programs and Information - Resources - Center for Prevention of Youth Violence - Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health

MENTOR Maryland - MENTOR Maryland

Mentoring Male Teens in the Hood :: Welcome

Unfortunately you can only guide, and suggest, but he has to want it more than you do Gma. I hope the links can help you, AND him.

Thanks so very, very much.

If he can't change his bad attitude... then nothing else is going to change.

Nobody wants to hire someoen with an attitude... nobody wants to work with anyone with an attitude... employers don't want to keep anyone with an attitude.

Good people don't want to be around people with bad attitudes...

See where I'm going. Get him therapy for his attitude issues... and he's going to have to want to change his bad attide.

He's not going anywhere in life untiul he changes his bad attitude. He's an adult now... whatever happened to him as a kid are the past... he now owns his own issues, Not everyone that had a hard childhood turn out to be the scum of society. Many take charge of their lives and work towards improving themselves... SOme do so well you would never have guessed they were once like that. Others... well, lets just say they spend their lives in prison.

Otherwise come to terms that the best place for him might be in prison... before he escalates into far more serious crimes. And it can and does happen.

The proplem isn't how others see him....there are consequences to actions.....but how he is behaving that continues to feed the cycle. He needs to be the one to break that cycle.

Its not impossible...but he needs to see a problem and want to fix it or nothing will change.

I see you are a Christian woman. As such, have you ever heard the phrase "let go and let God."

Your grandson may never learn unless and until he is forced to fend for himself. As an adult he is responsible for his actions and the consequences thereof. I understand you love him and want the best for him, but you can't turn him into something he doesn't want to be.

Sometimes tough love is the best love.