Where can I go for help

JS, sorry you are going through this. I assure you that I know how you feel. It was a long time ago, but I remember it well, and it persisted for 18 months. I don't have any professional advice, but I can tell you that it was my faith in Christ that got me through and over. If I had not had that, then I don't know what I would have done.

Some counseling can no doubt be good, and others here can advise you on that.

We can help you research a clinic near you if you tell us where you are.
We can try to help you get started with steps to self help, if you tell us more about yourself - a LOT more. You are totally anonymous here, and unless you live in a tiny town of 100 people, I doubt that anyone would even notice you here. Not even then!

Don't worry about costs for now, if we help you find a clinic...