I'm asking this for a friend in TN - no really!:o
My friend who is a highly paid professional has been married to a man for about 20 years. Although the hubs is also educated they made the choice to have him stay home and even homeschool their children (now college aged).
NOW... the wife finds out hubby is having an affair, with a married woman no less. He's not even trying to hide the fact and has said if the wife divorces him she will have to pay him alimony forever. Basically, he's in hog heaven doing whatever he likes and telling her if she doesn't like it leave him but sign a blank check on the way out, thank you very much.

My questions: Is TN a no-fault state? If she leaves him due to adultery, which she has ample knowledge and evidence of, will she have to pay support to him because he stayed home with the children.

According to my friend, this has been happening about 6 months and has no evidence of prior adultery. (mid-life crisis?) She is somewhat isolated socially and desperate to stay with him and save the marriage - they go to joint marriage therapy currently. I would like for my friend to know her options but she is at this time reluctant to seek legal advice.

Please help and many blessings to you all!

Did he agree to stay home with the kids until they were done with school? How long has it been since he hasn't worked?

If he's been a stay-home parent, she will probably have to pay alimony. How long is a question, since it has been 20 years. But simply put, if it would be reasonable for a woman to get alimony in the situation, it's reasonable for the man to get it. She should probably find a lawyer and see if she can get a feel for how much and how long she'd be paying, and then see if it's worth doing that to get out of the marriage.

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Originally Posted by froggy7

If he's been a stay-home parent, she will probably have to pay alimony. How long is a question, since it has been 20 years. But simply put, if it would be reasonable for a woman to get alimony in the situation, it's reasonable for the man to get it. She should probably find a lawyer and see if she can get a feel for how much and how long she'd be paying, and then see if it's worth doing that to get out of the marriage.

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They mutually agreed that he would stay and home school the kids and therefore she would be the primary breadwinner. The two kids are through high school and one has gone off to college.
Personally, I agree that were the gender roles reversed certainly alimony would be awarded. I don't even have a problem with that myself. I have urged her to seek legal advice as you suggest - it doesn't mean she has to actually do so but would certainly help in making informed decisions.

Thanks!

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Originally Posted by karent23

Did he agree to stay home with the kids until they were done with school? How long has it been since he hasn't worked?

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He has done some home-based work over the years but not what you would call traditional work. <selling handcrafted items and produce> It has been about 20 years since he has held a conventional job. He does however hold an advanced degree and with some good self marketing is employable. I know him to be highly intelligent and creative.

My friend got a divorce in TN and was awarded alimony only for a few years. They had agreed when they were married that she would stay home with the kids until they started school and then she would go back to school and finish her degree. The kids are now all in school so once she finishes college he'll only be responsible for child support.

Your friends situtation might be sticky but I have a feeling the judge will really look down on his affair. Depending on where you are located in TN I could always find out who her lawyer was... I'm in the Nashville area... just let me know.

Thanks karent23. The friends live east of Nashville close to Lebanon. Do you know any atty's you might recommend? Or at least know by reputation?

I think once the shock of all of this is past, and if the affair continues, my friend may consult an atty, but is still too taken aback. The hubby keeps throwing in in her face, making it all very public and saying basically he will do whatever he wishes - unless she wants to leave him and pay him alimony forevermore. In her profession her personal reputation is fairly vital as she works with the public.

Pretty sad situation. I would not have ever expected this from him - perhaps it is a terrible mid-life identity (and sanity?) crisis. My friend has spoken to the other woman (who is also married) to try to get her out of the middle so she can try to save her marriage. Surprisingly, this other person seemed sympathetic. What a tangled web we weave!

I digress... essentially, my gut tells me what you expressed - that although my friend may have some obligation to alimony, a judge is not very likely to be sympathetic to an adulterer, esp. and unremorseful one... thanks again.

Abby R. Rubenfeld
Rubenfeld Law Office
2409 Hillsboro Road, Suite 200
Nashville, Tennessee 37212
615/386-9077
615/386-3897 (facsimile)
[email protected]

Well even if it does work out that he will get paid, it won't be forever.

I know that Tennessee was a no fault state several years ago. Your friend would need to definitely have her lawyer get documented evidence of the affair. I have a feeling in Tennessee, usually a conservative state legally, she is not going to have much of an issue. If the affair can be documented and proven, that will be her grounds for divorce. Most judges in Tennessee will take issue with him. They will se right through the issue and know that he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. I know an awesome lawyer a little farther east in Johnson City, but not that far west. My suggestion, if she does file for divorce, is to never file on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. This would allow the husband too much leeway to put up a fight for alimony. The judge needs to see the truth. The judge needs to also realize that the decision for the husband to stay at home and teach the kids was a mutual agreement that he volunteered to take on and continue to work out of the house. The judge should also be made aware of the advanced degrees the husband has so the judge will realize that work could easily be found. My real hope is that they can work through this issue and the husband will realize that he is wrong and try to reconcile the marriage after all these years.