Hello,I'm new to this website and wanted to know guys opinion on my situation. I'm a dancer. :( I know the stereotype and so on. Don't want it to sound cheesy but no, I don't do drugs, I'm a university student (graduating next year), and yes, I'm a single mother. I've met an amazing guy and we hit it off. I mean we had a great chemistry and both fall in love. We play the same sports, laugh at each other's jokes, cheer for the same college team (he went to the school I'm going to), everything was just great. Except for one thing, he hated my job.

I only work on weekends and when we were dating I started to work just one day on the weekend so I can spend more time with him. Anyway, he has been telling me about this job but was understanding. Until recently out of the blue he just broke up with me. On Wednesday we met for a dinner, planned vacation once semester is over, he had a drink and everything just went crazy after that. He told me he hates me working there, but understands I have to do it for a year and that his heart is torn. I could see that he really suffer, I hated myself for causing so much pain. The next couple of days he kept really conversations short and was just sayingthat he is hurt, he doesn't want to let me go, that he loves me but he can't deal with me working there.

Honestly,I knew it was bothering him but had no idea he was that upset. Following weekend he got wasted (my friend dates his friend and she told me), we met for a talk and he broke up with me. I offered him a compromise, I said that I am willing to quit if it hurts him so much, and that I'll get student loans and apart time job, but would need his help to help me pay my rent and bills .Basically I offered him to move in with me and pay bills together. To split them. I was trying to save that relationship. But he said that it is unrealistic right now and that he will never get over the fact that I have given guy's lap dances, even if I quit. It's been 2 weeks since it happened. He did contact me, apologizing for everything and telling how special I'm and that we have the same heart. Other than that he keeps no contact. It hurts so deeply. We didn't date much, just 5 month, but it was enough for me to fall for him.

Is there anything I could do to save this relationship?

Nope... I doubt it because he might always bring it up any time you have a disagreement.

You won't be having issues this serious only 5 months into any relationship that has any chance of surviving the long haul.

Every couple has disagreements... but not like this when you still barely know each other.

The only relationship you need to worry about is your relationship with your child. You are doing what you need to do to pay the rent, provide for the two of you, and get through school without debt.

I think too, that your compromise of him moving in with you, wasn't a good idea, because you have a child and the relationship was too new to be able to properly judge how he would fit in to you and your daughter's life. Never a great idea.

You were smart to tell him that you compromising to please him, and keep the relationship going, meant that he would have to contribute to the shortfall in order to pay the rent and keep up with expenses. You probably don't realize it, but right there he showed only that he wanted you- and didn't want to share your life. It would have been a one way street.

Not to mention that you taking on a part time job, would have required you to work far more hours for far less pay, than you are getting now. All that you would have sacrificed would have been only in his best interests, not yours.

Keep doing what you are doing and beware of men who make demands on you, and cannot accept what you do for a living, and expect you to quit. You will be graduating next year, and had you made all those compromises, I doubt a man like that would have stuck around for the long term anyway.

Thank you so much for the responses . I sometimes think that if he loved me enough maybe he would've stuck around , on the other hand , I understand that this job will drive any man insane . We did text a little , since there's a tournament is scheduled soon and I'm playing , I needed equipment he has . But that's it . I can't help but wonder does he even miss me . We were calling each other every night before bed , texting , playing tennis , laughing . It is just crazy .

Just remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Meaning sometimes things just don't work out even if both people were hoping for the best. 5 months is very little time... everyone is usually on their best behaviours for the first couple years before they figuratively let their hair down...

5 months is really very little time to be moving in together. You really don't know all their anoying habits yet... all those skeletons they have in the closet and under the bed... etc.

And that would be if you DIDN'T have a kid that's living with you.

What if you moved in and found out he was a registered sex offender? Because it never came up and you never saw anything suspicious enough to look.

K-Swiss, you have a plan and under the circumstances a good plan, don't change it to
satisfy him. Remember, men don't think with just one head. You, your child and your
education come first.

It hurts right now and the misery at the way things turned out is quite understandable. However if he couldn't handle this in the short run, then he isn't long term love material. It may take time but you will keep the good stuff and heal from the bad and good luck with your plan for you and your daughters future.

Its him that's the loser, NOT you. Head UP!

Thank you so much for support.. Deep inside me I do realize that it is over and even if he comes around I don't think I'll be able to get over the fact that he left . I don't think it was fair and felt and still feel that he just quit on me , on us . I was committed to him and he knows that , was being supportive and understanding . Since its been almost 2 weeks since we last saw each other , it gave me time to cool off and see things I didn't see before . Not long ago he confessed to me that he had a drug addiction . He started doing OxyContin pills back in law school and been on them for quite a while , I was so upset and almost broke up with him . But thought about it and accepted it . Bad things happen to good people . He begged me not to tell anyone from our circle of friends , but I found out that he said to anyone where I work . I really wanted to tell everyone as well about his addiction and that he isn't saint but changed my mind and just let it be . I also can recall that he was getting very jealous about me playing tennis with guys , I explained to him that I play competitive and need aggressive partners not soft ones , I also wanted to introduce him to them but it never happened . I'm at the point right now where I'm analyzing what went wrong . Unfortunately , I cannot have that connection and attraction often . He satisfied me emotionally , intellectually and physically and I doesn't happen very often with me :(

You will get over it in time, everyone does... and eventually you will find someone a lot better than he was. When that happens any resentment you feel right now will go away when you realize you would have been settling for less than you were able to get.

No matter how good one persons seems at the time...eventually you meet someone even better.

This is tricky... I can understand where he is coming from in regards to been a strip/lap dancer etc and I can understand where you're coming from, however why did you choose this as a job preference? Was it hard to get a job else were or was it just the money? (Please don't think I'm having ago just asking you can't tell emotions via the internet)
I know this happened to a friend of mine where he met his girlfriend but she didn't tell him straight off the bat what she did for work. It didn't end well either, I know it's hard because it's sort of well how come guys can go to strip clubs bars etc and have a girlfriend and be fine with getting a lap dance while there girlfriend sits at home but if it's the other way around and you are the girlfriend but also the dancer it's like OMG your damaged goods or something. Sweetheart if he can't respect the fact that you'd be willing to give this up for him (even though I'm sure its good money) whilst having to support a child then he's just no good you deserve better you were willing to drop it all for him and it's still not good enough... that's saying something.

I will go on and say, the stereotype people have of strippers, at least in better places is all wrong. They are dancers, nothing else. Few use drugs, (no more than general population) and a very large number are college students. Most I have known often prefer women to men.

But... never change for the other person, esp at 5 months. If he can not accept you just the way you are, then it is his problem. If he had said yes and moved in, the stripper comments would come back over and over and over in the future.

He knew what you did, you tried to work with him, but he wanted his own world, and control yours also.

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Originally Posted by Confushasay

This is tricky... I can understand where he is coming from in regards to been a strip/lap dancer etc and I can understand where you're coming from, however why did you choose this as a job preference? Was it hard to get a job else were or was it just the money? (Please don't think I'm having ago just asking you can't tell emotions via the internet)
I know this happened to a friend of mine where he met his girlfriend but she didn't tell him straight off the bat what she did for work. It didn't end well either, I know it's hard because it's sort of well how come guys can go to strip clubs bars etc and have a girlfriend and be fine with getting a lap dance while there girlfriend sits at home but if it's the other way around and you are the girlfriend but also the dancer it's like OMG your damaged goods or something. Sweetheart if he can't respect the fact that you'd be willing to give this up for him (even though I'm sure its good money) whilst having to support a child then he's just no good you deserve better you were willing to drop it all for him and it's still not good enough... that's saying something.

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To Confushasay . It's OK . I did start working there for money and open schedule . The thing is , I came to America to play D1 tennis in college , had back problems ( scoliosis ) , went D3 walk on and had to pay for school myself . Anyway , I like working there to be honest , it's upscale , clean and pay is great . Also , I can easily take 5 classes per semester and study all I want . My school schedule is different each semester and it would be hard to adjust work schedule .

Since we broke up we exchanged some texts . During one of my emotional moments I told him that I miss him , he responded saying that he is thinking about me all the time and that misses me ,and just small talk about NCAA . And no contact again . He always visiting my FB though . Everyday he likes a pic of me , my daughter , or status . It's confusing to me . I find myself back on square one every time I see his name . I know that he is also going through a tough time , I feel it . It surprises me how strong minded he is . I would've not be able to stay away from the person I love and know its mutual . We had such a great communication , cared about each other feelings , barely ever fought and always expressed how each other feels about certain things . Sex was getting better and better every day . He told me that he never married until 38 because he was waiting for the right person and he believe it won't get better than our relationship . He introduced me to his family and wanted to meet mine . He even talked jokingly about marriage . We both like athletics , similar music and list can go on and on . We planned the trip 10 minutes before he confessed how much he hates this job , that he afraid ill meet someone better than him , that he doesn't want to get hurt and other BS and just broke up . I know I need to delete him from my FB but can't have enough guts to do so . I know that I need to move on and there is no sighs if reconciliation , but having hard time letting go of that small piece of him I have left .

Your story is probably the most common problem among strippers. Google it and you'll hear other women sharing their experiences. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by carolmonroe38

Your story is probably the most common problem among strippers. Google it and you'll hear other women sharing their experiences. Good luck.

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Maybe you're right . I don't know . I wouldn't do a search since I don't think it relates to me anymore . I don't want to be dating while in college and working at the club and don't want a rebound . Just want to heal , concentrate on classes and prepare for my CPA exam . I only have a year left and really don't want to waste any more time nor deal with insecurities someone has . I did delete him off my FB , deleted his phone number and will not get into any contact with him whatsoever . At the end if the day he broke up , I respect his decision and need to move on .

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Originally Posted by K-Swiss

Maybe you're right . I don't know . I wouldn't do a search since I don't think it relates to me anymore . I don't want to be dating while in college and working at the club and don't want a rebound . Just want to heal , concentrate on classes and prepare for my CPA exam . I only have a year left and really don't want to waste any more time nor deal with insecurities someone has . I did delete him off my FB , deleted his phone number and will not get into any contact with him whatsoever . At the end if the day he broke up , I respect his decision and need to move on .

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You are on the right road. Good Luck