Who is very out of hand. Tells Father to shut up. Threatens to call 911 on us if we punish him. What can we do to protect us but not get in trouble with the law?
Can we call and have him removed from the house?

Have him removed? Where would he go?

Have you tried counseling?

Something got all parties involved to this point. If you understand what those things were then you can start the healing. I don't recommend him being removed until you have attempted positive discipline and positive structure. Sometimes you have to go through a really bad time to get there. But if this boy sees the parental figures being inconsistent, then expect no improvements. I trust that with these behaviors he doesn't have an iPhone, iPad, access to a computer, etc.

Some parents after going through what you two have been going through need to be trained in behavior modification. I would suggest learning how to do behavior mod so that you will be consistent in your positive discipline. The times where you see improvements in something or that his voice tone is decent, do you point those out? Sometimes just pointing out and praising the smallest of things can start him on the road to recovery. Bottomline is he's learned to get attention through negative behaviors and you are going to have to change yours and his behaviors. That includes not reacting negatively to anything and very positive to positive things.

It's hard but it works.

His doctor should be notified, and maybe he can give you a referral for a fuller behavior modification testing and or counseling treatment or program. That would be how I got to the root of the problem and start finding good solutions. I take it he can be violent so get started immediately.

I sincerely hope the threat of calling 911 doesn't get him out of being punished and will add as a dad telling me to shut up will never be tolerated, and my kids are kicking 40. Some rules NEVER change.

If you let him intimidate you with threats, the situation will worsen. You cannot use corporal punishment (spanking, etc.) , that may get you in trouble with the law. But you can ground him, lock him in his room, take his phone, TV, computer away, etc. These are all reasonable punishments and if he calls 911, they will ignore him.

My daughter is 13 and gets out of hand. When she does, we start with the iPod. First offense is losing the use of it for a week. If she keeps going, we add a week. The one time the iPod wasn't enough to calm her down, she lost computer and TV as well. You just have to let the kid know who is in charge...and it can't be them.

With him being only 13, barely into his teens, and both you and your husband, and your child out of control, ALL of you need help- and soon.

To keep going like this makes me afraid of what you will all face when he's 16, and into God knows what.

Get help!

There is nothing in my opinion, that will help, unless both you and your husband, learn how to manage, discipline, and gain parental control over your child. You can't just throw him out because you are not very good parents.

That you didn't mention that you had tried anything, makes me wonder why you haven't. Surely your son's behavior has been seen in school or with other children, or by family and friends?

Start with your family Doctor. Explain to him/her what has been going on, and what the exact situation is in your home. Be prepared to accept most of the blame for this child of yours being out of control, and you not seeking help long ago. Your Doctor may recommend testing of your son to rule out any physical or emotional disorders, and recommend, at the very least, family counseling.

Be prepared for a lot of hard work and a lot of accountability. Because he is only 13, you will have a lot of explaining to do as to why things have reached the point they have. In understanding that, will help forge some sort of plan/intervention/counseling to get your family back on track.

He is in need of strong parenting, and you and your husband are in need of learning how parent.

I wish all of you luck. Now get off your pitty potty, and get to work.