I have been in my current relationship for 3 yrs. My boyfriend and I needed help moving so we paid for the help of my daughter and her husband. Us paying them to help us move made it possible for them to move close to us. Soon, my daughter got in a fight with her husband and ended up in the sack with my ex who was at this point my best friend and because of problems in my current relationship we were even considering getting back together, which my daughter was fully aware of. I have not seen them for 6 mo.my daughter, my best friend (soul mate), my son in law, my 2 grandbabies and all of my friends (whom were mutual friends of my ex and I). Because it goes against my morals to accept that my ex was introduced for 7 yrs to my daughter as a child and was now having sex with her.

Wow. I think I saw this episode on Knots Landing. You said "it hurts". Well yeah, it should hurt and you shouldn't feel guilty for it hurting. That situation is totally out of control and it's not something you can control. They have made their (really bad) decisions and apparently they could care less how it impacts your life. People in these sort of situations rationalize the justification in their mind so they don't have to feel the guilt. You would do yourself a world of good if you got involved with other people and other interests. It would help you move forward. I am so baffled why people do what they do.

I'm with Oliver on this...

Your daughter should have known better, your ex should have known better... but neither really cared about anything but what they wanted.

You don't have to accept it... nor should you.

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Originally Posted by Kimberly9303

I have been in my current relationship for 3 yrs. My boyfriend and I needed help moving so we paid for the help of my daughter and her husband. Us paying them to help us move made it possible for them to move close to us. Soon, my daughter got in a fight with her husband and ended up in the sack with my ex who was at this point my best friend and because of problems in my current relationship we were even considering getting back together, which my daughter was fully aware of. I have not seen them for 6 mo.my daughter, my best friend (soul mate), my son in law, my 2 grandbabies and all of my friends (whom were mutual friends of my ex and I). Because it goes against my morals to accept that my ex was introduced for 7 yrs to my daughter as a child and was now having sex with her.

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This will probably seem harsh and not what you want to hear, but you need to wake up. Your daughter getting into a consenting adult relationship goes against your morals, but what sounds like cheating (emotionally if not physically) doesn't?

You are in a relationship but you were thinking about getting involved with your ex. Are you really upset about their age difference and past relationship or that your playmate isn't available? Is it jealousy and envy or moral upset? Be honest with yourself.

If you are unhappy in your current relationship, get out of it. Do not leave him to be with someone else. Take time to heal and work through the issues that caused the last relationship to fail before you even think about a new relationship.

They may have met when she was a much younger, but they are now both consenting adults. They have to deal with their own relationships. You need to deal with your own.

That would TOTALLY freak me out, and I have no good advice except deal with this by having a life that you enjoy without them, even though it will take many distractions, and a long time to be NOT totally freaked out.

Naw, nix that. I would be totally freaked out for decades, but I wouldn't stop living a great life over it. Let them bear the consequences, not you. I think its supposed to hurt when you get backstabbed by selfish BEtCHES! Remember your SIL and grand kids are probably just as freaked out too.

FOCUS out, NOT in! Because people close, very close, lose their mind, don't lose YOURS.

Good luck.

I will be blunt also, how much did you pay them, that they could move close to you. I need moving jobs like that.

But they are both adults. They have no blood ties, and it is not as uncommon as it may sound. You are upset, most likely because it is your ex, or well not quite ex, since you were going to leave your current person to go back to ex, but your daughter did it first.

Your friends, why do you care, and why should you have to accept this, ( I bet their friends are laughing at them also)

So you don't accept the relationship, sorry, but the "morals" does not come over well, with all the rest of the story. You do not have to see the ex, not allow him in your home, but no reason not to see grandkids ( sounds like there are) and friends

There's even a possibility that your daughter (consciously or not) is punishing you for jumping from her 'almost step' dad's bed to a new boyfriend's and then thinking of jumping back again. Only you and she know the details of that break up and what effect it had on her at the time. Or even all the way back to when you and her father broke up, if so. Maybe this is the only way she perceives that she has power over something for the first time in her life.

In short, you are part of her actions in a way, just by virtue of being her mother. For the most part a parent has some role in the way a child makes choices.

I'm not excusing her actions or even saying I'm right, just food for thought.

My initial thought was this relationship is so wrong. He was a father figure to her while she growing up and He was involved with you at the time. Plus, he's old enough to be her father.

But, logically they are consenting adults and they don't need anyone's permission to pursue a relationship. Emotions are unpredictable and they are doing what they think is right.

My conclusion is even though it's weird, they have a right to be in a relationship. I'm sorry you're understandably upset, but I hope you'll be able to make peace with it in the future. Or they'll break up. Whichever comes first. Good luck.