Ask Me Help Desk - Alone and scared

I really need some advice, I don't know who to ask anymore. I am ten weeks pregnant, I am only 17 and my boyfriend is 19, we have been together for two years and had a fantsatic relationship, this has come as a huge shock to the both of us as we definatley weren't planning it to happen. When we found out my boyfriend seemed to take it worse, as I didn't know how to react and was in shock. I listned to his concerns and everyday I tried to work out the best for both of us, by us talking it through, we went to see a youth worker and evetually decided to keep the baby. I told my parents, but knowing his would react badly, he decided to wait. He told me that whatever they said, he would still want to keep the baby, however, when he told them, they demanded I have an abortion, and then my boyfriend told me he agreed and if I chose to keep the baby, he would want nothing to do with either of us. At this point a goof friend of mine died, and my exams at college began. I wwas/am finding all this very difficult to cope with. I didn't want to have an abortion, since I was already about 7 weeks and we had made a decision I thought it would be more destructive for my life to turn back and have an abortion after deciding to keep the baby. The boyfriends brother then began threatnening me claiming that his mum's blood pressure was high and I had caused it and said that if anything happened to her he would kill me and that when the baby was born he would kill that too, and if he saw me out in the street he would punch me in the stomch. My boyfriend is aware of this and all he did was tell him off and wouldn't let him come to work that day. I feel let down by my boyfreind who had always promised to be there for me, lately he has apolagised and started to act like the guy I used to know but something is different, every so often he will make a comment like.. your looking fat' etc. that brings me down, its only two weeks since all of this happened, apparently his parents want to sort things out with me but I'm not ready, they were awful to me when they ofund out, they said the baby probably wasn't even his (we had been together 2 years and we were always together and happy). I just don't know what to do, I can't talk to my boyfriend about anything to do with the baby, I'm scared and I have and oone to talk to. I want him back the way he was but I don't understand how we got to were we are, I feel like he blames me and can't accept responsibility for creating this baby.
Please someone give me advice, I am all out of ideas and need someone to talk to or tell me what to do.
Thank you
X

Madison 89
Have you tried talking to you mother?

Yeah I have spoken to all my family, they are all supportive but there's only so much they can do, we don't have a lot of money, I would move out on my own, I just want the spport of the baby's father . I cnt understand how so much has change, we were so happy sice this happened.

You have to concentrate on YOURSELF and your child. IT will not help to worry about your boyfriend and his attitudes now. He might change his mind a dozen times in a few months. He is going through a lot of issues as well.
BUT don't let him or his family INTIMIDATE you= ever. Even if you have to go file a restraining order- protect yourself and take threats seriously.
You should be commended for your bravery and strength for not having your pregnancy terminated! You are doing the RIGHT thing!
Best wishes

Call planedparent hood and any other orgs. You can find in the phone book. And look in a few years this willl all just be a bump in the road. You are not the onlt one, there are things you can do.

As hard as it is, just hang in there. I'm 20 weeks pregnant and going through a divorce because my husband cheated. I know what stress is and how hard it is on you. Please, if you need to talk, seem me a message.

Quote:

Originally Posted by madison89

i really need some advice, i don't know who to ask anymore. i am ten weeks pregnant, i am only 17 and my boyfriend is 19, we have been together for two years and had a fantsatic relationship, this has come as a huge shock to the both of us as we definatley wern't planning it to happen. when we found out my boyfriend seemed to take it worse, as i didn't know how to react and was in shock. i listned to his concerns and everyday i tried to work out the best for both of us, by us talking it through, we went to see a youth worker and evetually decided to keep the baby. i told my parents, but knowing his would react badly, he decided to wait. he told me that whatever they said, he wud stil want to keep the baby, however, when he told them, they demanded i have an abortion, and then my boyfriend told me he agreed and if i chose to keep the baby, he wud want nothing to do with either of us. at this point a goof friend of mine died, and my exams at college began. I wwas/am finding all this very difficult to cope with. I didnt want to have an abortion, since i was already about 7 weeks and we had made a decision i thought it would be more destructive for my life to turn back and have an abortion after deciding to keep the baby. The boyfriends brother then began threatnening me claiming that his mum's blood pressure was high and i had caused it and sed that if anything happened to her he would kill me and that when the baby was born he would kill that too, and if he saw me out in the street he would punch me in the stomch. my boyfriend is aware of this and all he did was tell him off and wouldnt let him come to work that day. i feel let down by my boyfreind who had always promised to be there for me, lately he has apolagised and started to act like the guy i used to know but somethign is different, every so often he will make a comment like..your looking fat' ect. that brings me down, its only two weeks since all of this happened, apparently his parents want to sort things out with me but im not ready, they were awful to me when they ofund out, they sed the baby probably wasn't even his (we had been together 2 years and we were always together and happy). I just don't know what to do, i can't talk to my boyfriend about anything to do with the baby, im scared and i have n oone to talk to. i want him back the way he was but i don't understand how we got to were we are, i feel like he blames me and can't accept responsibility for creating this baby.
please someone give me advice, i am all out of ideas and need someone to talk to or tell me what to do.
thankyou
x

Madison89,

My heart goes out to you. See anytime you decide to bring a life into this world it changes EVERYTHING and EVERYONE, it has to... sometimes for the worst & sometimes for the better. There's really no quick fix for what you're going through and you can't just forget them and you can't just let whatever happen, happen... What you CAN do is focus on things that YOU can control. You can't control your unpredictable boyfriend or what kind of role he CHOOSES to have, you can't control his mother's blood pressure and as far as his brother.. the smartest thing to do is file a police report, it best to have such violent threats documented for any future use. Anyway your main focus is going to be that baby, you CAN control what he or she is exposed to, you CAN control what kind of positive influences you're going to have on it... that stuff matters the most. Now i'm not sure if you're religious or IF you belive in God but sometimes you've got to unburden your load... sometimes you have to trust that there's a greater force out there that IS watching out for you and DOES love you no matter what and that can help you. I hope you don't think i'm trying to convert you into a cult but for me...sometimes my problems are bigger than i can comprehend and i have to belive that if i leave it in God's hands that he will take care of it... I don't know if this helps but your story touched me.... you're still soo young and you have along life ahead of you... take care of yourself

-Esther ([email protected])

You have received some many nice, and helpful replies that there really isn't much I can add. I just wanted to add my support, and tell you that you are a very brave young woman, and to stay strong. There are times in life that force us to have to really mature and strengthen in so many ways, and how we face those trials when they come, make us into the people we are down the road. You are having to go through one of these learning situations at a very young age, and my heart goes out to you for having to face it so young, and without the support you need. However, you are already showing strength in chosing your babies life over the threats of others. I definitely suggest that you go to the police and file a report. Not only would this help to protect you, but also help the family to know that you are not going to just lay down and let them run you over. Do not feel guilty about his moms blood pressure. She has nothing to do with it. Ever hear that saying " no one can make you feel inferior,but yourself" Well, you are not responsible for her blood pressure, or anything else. You are responsible for you, and for your baby. That is it. Everyone around you will chose to act how they will, and them blaming it on you is just their way of trying to put the blame on someone else for their actions, pretending they are not at fault for behaving that way. Get what help from the police that you can, then just stay away from the family, as you don't know what their true intentions are, and it could be bad for you and baby. As far as your boyfriend, he has a decision to make. He needs to figure out what is most important to him. You or his family. He shouldn't have to chose, but the actions of his family is going to make it so that he must chose. At least for now. He needs to face up to the facts that he needs to grow up, and its not just something he can ignore and it will go away. It's not something he can want one day, then not want the next, and make it go away. Its responsibility, and its parenthood. Once that baby is conceived, you are a parent, no matter the outcome. If he can not come to an understanding of that, and he can't love you enough to stand up to his family for you, then its time for you to walk away. Maybe in time it will get through his head what a mistake he is making, but until then, make sure you do what is best for you and baby. Rely on your family for love and support. I am sure they are more worried for your well being then they are of financial obligations, so don't feel like a burden. I hope that all works out for you hun, and that you will keep being the strong and smart young lady you are. Don't settle for less in life, always aspire for the best you can.

Hey I was like that once.my boyfriend wanted me 2 have an abortion or he would leave me but I decided 2 keep the baby the baby meant the world to me and know he is with me been with me almost 12 years everything will progress don't worry.

This is a very hard place to be. For his family to put you in this position is unfair. It sounds like they are starting to come around a bit, but I would suggest that if they want to get together with you to set things strait you should invite them over to your house. That way you can sit down with them and with your parents. There may be a bit more control that way. Remember that only you can make this decision in the end. It sounds like your boyfriend is very influenced by his family. Hopefully they will come around and change their thinking on this situation. I know you say you can't talk with your boyfriend about the baby anymore, but it sounds like you had very open communication until he told his parents. Continue to have open and honest communication with him. He may surprise you. Let him know exactly how you feel, and how his family has made you feel. Let him know it's okay to be afraid. Lord knows you are too. Just keep your head up and pray. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don't know what the reason is, but ultimately in the end things always work out. This will only make you a stronger person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by madison89

i really need some advice, i don't know who to ask anymore. i am ten weeks pregnant, i am only 17 and my boyfriend is 19, we have been together for two years and had a fantsatic relationship, this has come as a huge shock to the both of us as we definatley wern't planning it to happen. when we found out my boyfriend seemed to take it worse, as i didn't know how to react and was in shock. i listned to his concerns and everyday i tried to work out the best for both of us, by us talking it through, we went to see a youth worker and evetually decided to keep the baby. i told my parents, but knowing his would react badly, he decided to wait. he told me that whatever they said, he wud stil want to keep the baby, however, when he told them, they demanded i have an abortion, and then my boyfriend told me he agreed and if i chose to keep the baby, he wud want nothing to do with either of us. at this point a goof friend of mine died, and my exams at college began. I wwas/am finding all this very difficult to cope with. I didnt want to have an abortion, since i was already about 7 weeks and we had made a decision i thought it would be more destructive for my life to turn back and have an abortion after deciding to keep the baby. The boyfriends brother then began threatnening me claiming that his mum's blood pressure was high and i had caused it and sed that if anything happened to her he would kill me and that when the baby was born he would kill that too, and if he saw me out in the street he would punch me in the stomch. my boyfriend is aware of this and all he did was tell him off and wouldnt let him come to work that day. i feel let down by my boyfreind who had always promised to be there for me, lately he has apolagised and started to act like the guy i used to know but somethign is different, every so often he will make a comment like..your looking fat' ect. that brings me down, its only two weeks since all of this happened, apparently his parents want to sort things out with me but im not ready, they were awful to me when they ofund out, they sed the baby probably wasn't even his (we had been together 2 years and we were always together and happy). I just don't know what to do, i can't talk to my boyfriend about anything to do with the baby, im scared and i have n oone to talk to. i want him back the way he was but i don't understand how we got to were we are, i feel like he blames me and can't accept responsibility for creating this baby.
please someone give me advice, i am all out of ideas and need someone to talk to or tell me what to do.
thankyou
x

Hey
I can relate some... I am 5 weeks pregnant and going through a divorce and my husband does not claim this child as his... It does hurt and I am so glad you didn't go through with the abortion God blessed you with this child and always remember if "God brings you to it He will see you through it"!