I have a girlfriend, well sort of because we have been on a few dates and we text each other every night. However when I see her in college I just get so embarrassed and shy. Its almost as if I feel I don't have the right to go and talk to her. I have asked her on dates but have always done it by text. I was going to ask her if she wanted to go to this party with me next week and then invite her back to mine afterwards. I have been trying to pluck up the courage since Monday but everyday I find myself making excuses, I am just too damn embarrassed.We are both 18 by the way and have been seeing each other for 3 months. I kind of don't feel like she is my girlfriend because I can't even go up and talk to her! When I am in her company I often pretend to be stressed to stop it being awkward when I don't say anything. I need some help please.

What you need to do... and this is exactly what shy people tend to avoid. Is to face your fear head on.

Meaning no matter how uncomfortable you might be... and how much you might fear doing it... is to suck it up and walk up to her and ask her.

First ime will be hell... second time easier... and the third time even easier. By facing your fear you will desensitize yourself to it.

If you keep avoiding situations and things you are uncomfortable to you... you will never get over them.

Yeah..I know what you are saying...easy for me to say. Well I wasn't always the extrovert I am today....I was a fairly shy person early in my life.

A quote to live by.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." - Friedrich Nietzche

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Originally Posted by smoothy

What you need to do... and this is exactly what shy people tend to avoid. Is to face your fear head on.

Meaning no matter how uncomfortable you might be... and how much you might fear doing it... is to suck it up and walk up to her and ask her.

First ime will be hell... second time easier... and the third time even easier. By facing your fear you will desensitize yourself to it.

If you keep avoiding situations and things you are uncomfortable to you... you will never get over them.

Yeah..I know what you are saying...easy for me to say. Well I wasn't always the extrovert I am today....I was a fairly shy person early in my life.

A quote to live by.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." - Friedrich Nietzche

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Thank you smoothy a very good answer, I will do my best to just take 20 seconds of insane courage and talk to her.
Also, a quote I have lived by so far is more like "what doesn't kill you, makes you wish it did!"

Trust me its hard as hell at first ( I won't kid you)... but the more you do it the easier it gets... eventually you will never think twice about it.

Shy people tend to overthink certain things....and that turns what should be little things into huge ones in their minds. When you are alone just come out with it...it doesn't have to be the perfect moment...but you don't want to do it in front of a crowd either...not yet anyway. The less time you spend thinking and planning the better.

Oh once in a while everyone has those moments about wishing it did. In hindsight they pass quick enough....and eventually they are all but forgotten. They only seem horrible at that moment...they are also usually learning experiences....try and view events as learning experiences.....and its easier as well....you learn, OK that worked....or Oh jeeze I know not to do THAT again. Trust me...I've had my share of the latter as well as the former.

Memorize it, say it over and over.

But on a date, do you spend 2 hours just saying nothing ?

No we can talk for hours on a date. I even once just ignored one of her texts and I don't know why? I can't really like her that much then...

"I can't really like her that much then..."

Or that is an excuse just to not talk to her. Find something she is interested in and ask her about it. Let her do the talking while you learn more about her.

And seriously, are you afraid you will embarrass yourself if you say the wrong thing? If you do laugh it off. Learn to laugh with people about you and it totally takes the pressure off. My friends know I have no filter on my mouth. I say things before thinking and it is usually something that is embarrassing. I've learn over many years to just laugh with my friends at me. My buddy Brian when I start to open my mouth now goes "Careful..." trying to get me to think before I say something. Plus man, laughing with people about you is a blast. Try it.

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Originally Posted by brian13

No we can talk for hours on a date. I even once just ignored one of her texts and I don't know why? I can't really like her that much then...

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Ignoring one of her texts doesn't mean you must not like her. There's no rule in dating (or life) you have to reply right away to a text or even at all. You could be busy doing something else or just not in the mood.

It amazes me how texting has taken over young people's lives. There are newspaper and magazine articles written about this. In hunting for a baby gift the other day, I noticed a fake cell phone with colorful buttons was one of the toys suggested.

Does she text you a lot?

She does text me a lot but I would text her first almost just as much. We tend to talk everyday by text and I am just afraid it is almost becoming an 'online' relationship. All I want is for things to be taken slow so then we can get all our exams out of the apway and all the stress and then enjoy the summer together.

My young friend you are creating far to many extra problems for yourself. That's not an honest approach to dealing with anything. Nor is reacting out of fear. Better to just express your concerns and stop pretending to cover for your own fears and insecurities. Lack of honesty with yourself and her is where misunderstanding and conflict arise because nobody can read the mind of another.

Relax and keep it real, and stop playing the mind games out of fear. She may accept your awkward silences and not make it a big deal, and if you are so worried about exams she may also understand that. Give her a chance why don't you to judge the truth and decide things for herself. Don't let fear and inexperience coping properly with that fear stop you from learning how, and its scary and uncomfortable at first, but practice makes it better, and you will gain confidence if you are not discouraged by fear and making early mistakes.

Just express yourself honestly.

Hello everyone I need a bit of advice. Last week I invited my girlfriend out to a party. I text her about the details and was like it finishes late you are welcome to stay at mine or my pa will drop you home. She kind of just ignored my offer of staying at my house. I was just confused and wondering how long I should wait until I ask her to stay round my place again without appearing to needy for sex which I am definitely not by the way. I would happily have her come round one night for a film and pizza or even after we have been out on the town until the early hours.

She obviously is uncomfortable going to your house so make sure she gets home. For a while, that's the way it is.

Trust me.. when she's ready.. she'll let you know in her own way.

Okay thanks, I know she has gone to another guys house before so naturally out of curiosity I wondered why she would be uncomfortable at my house? Also are there any common tips she may drop to let me know?

She would hint at spending the night... but in all honesty... there can be all sorts of hints. Some difficult to notice unless you are really good at paying attention... to where she flat out says it.

Okay, so it would not be sensible to ask next week again as it is too soon, (like 2weeks since I last mentioned it) best to play the waiting game. Its just hard you know friends have been asking has X stayed at your house yet... and it is tough to say no she hasn't, because she ignored my offer for now. Any advice on this?

Its really not their business if she is or not.

If you blab it to your friends and it gets around... its likely she won't be a girlfriend very much longer.

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Originally Posted by brian13

Okay, so it would not be sensible to ask next week again as it is too soon, (like 2weeks since I last mentioned it) best to play the waiting game. Its just hard you know friends have been asking has X stayed at your house yet... and it is tough to say no she hasn't, because she ignored my offer for now. Any advice on this?

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Tell your friends none of their business, and don't fret on their gossiping mouths. You are focused on the wrong thing fella, get to know her and she may get comfortable enough to WANT to visit you at her house, but for now you are just a stranger trying to get her to your house. The more you ask, the more suspicious or uncomfortable she will get.

Are you trying to please and impress your friends, or have fun getting to know this female? Did she tell you she use to visit a male friend, or was this something said by someone? Does he even know she is your girlfriend? Have you visited her ever at her house?

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Originally Posted by brian13

Hello everyone I need a bit of advice. Last week I invited my girlfriend out to a party. I text her about the details and was like it finishes late you are welcome to stay at mine or my pa will drop you home. She kind of just ignored my offer of staying at my house. I was just confused and wondering how long I should wait until I ask her to stay round my place again without appearing to needy for sex which I am definitely not by the way. I would happily have her come round one night for a film and pizza or even after we have been out on the town until the early hours.

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Is "your place" your place or your parents'/father's place?

What she may or may not have done with other males or in other relationships has no bearing on your relationship with her or what she will or won't do with you.

Your friends have no business asking if she has stayed over and you should not give them any details if she does. Finding out that people are talking about where she sleeps would be a way to ensure that she doesn't with the person spreading the gossip.

During any of your long talks, have you discussed sex and birth control? If you do live your father/parents, have you discussed how she feels about sex with your parents in the house or the possibility they might come home?

I completely understand the need not to bother what others are thinking. She didn't tell me that she went to his house but I know for a fact that she did. She was in a relationship with this guy for 6 months. It is my parents place, and I have pretty much no intention of instigating anything sexual the first time she comes over so no need to worry about birth control.