Hi everyone,

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I love him very much. The problem is that a supposed ex-gf is claiming that she is pregnant with my bf's child. I don't know what to do I'm totally confused, I do trust and love him way too much to leave him just like that. This girl seems to be obsessed with my boyfriend and he never went for her, and now that he is with me she is extremely jealous and frustrated, that I feel she has recurred to invent a pregnancy.
Please give me advice on how to deal with this situation... It's so hard!! How do I find out the truth... I can get a DNA test in 9 mo if she really is but she has disappeared from the face of the earth and I have no idea where she could be.

I know this might be stupid, because my boyfriend and I are having unprotected sex and he refuses to use a condom, and I stopped taking birth control because I'm afraid of gaining weight or getting spots on my face. I'm scared of having a baby with him, and later find out that everything was true. On the other hand I would love to have a baby but not in this cloud of doubt and confusion. I'm extremely confused PLEASE HELP ME!!


P.S. Any suggestions, break up, give it time, trust hin, lie detector test, try to locate the other girl and find out if it's true.


Thank you,

If he is not willing to use protection to have sex, then he really don't care for you that much, Honestly.

I would say move on, he does not respect you, having sex with others, then wanting unprotected sex with you ( who knows what you can get, I would be tested right away)

But leave him and find someone that will respect you.

Back away from the situation for a little bit. Clear your head. Things are too complex and there are too many unanswered questions. Do not worry whether the ex-girlfriend is truthful or not. Do not worry whether your boyfriend is truthful or not. The only thing you should be worried about is yourself. It is not selfish - it is self preservation.

Instead of worrying about someone else's problem, take care of you as having unprotected sex can have you in a situation you may not be ready for. Leave everyone elses problems alone and worry about your own.

Thank you all for your advice, and I do think I should take sometime for myself and leave all this confusion behind me, because it's not worth so much pain and emotional distress.

Thanks Again

Mysticfairy21

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Originally Posted by Mysticfairy21

I know this might be stupid, because my bf and I are having unprotected sex and he refuses to use a condom, and I stopped taking birth control because I'm afraid of gaining weight or getting spots on my face. I'm scared of having a baby with him, and later find out that everything was true. On the other hand I would love to have a baby but not in this cloud of doubt and confusion. I'm extremely confused PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

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This part of your post worries me the most. Why are you gambling with your life? Why is he refusing to use condoms? Please get yourself and your boyfriend tested. Gaining weight and getting spots on your face are worse than bringing an unwanted baby into this world? No, it is not wise to have a baby in the middle of this situation.

About the other woman claiming to have your boyfriend's baby: You said that you trust him so then leave it at that. But, from this post, I can tell you are not completely convinced that this woman may be lying so I suspect that there is more to this than what you posted. If you have reason to distrust you boyfriend (even a gut feeling is enough), please think about what you are doing. Why would you take a gamble like this (with your emotional and physical health)? Like others have said, back up and think clearly about what you are doing.

Please take care of yourself first. Whatever his reasons for not using a condom may be, none of them are more important than your health. The only way you should agree to having unprotected sex is after you both get tested and are clean, and you both stay monogamous to each other. (If you're not ready to get pregnant, you can then use the pill).

The reason he sayss that he doesn't want to use a condom is because he wants to feel me without a condom and be able to come inside of me. My boyfriend says that it doesn't feel the same with a comdom on, and I don't know what to tell him so will use it. He was my... 1st... so he says what should I worry about if I haven't been with anyone else. The times that I have had uprotected sex I took the after morning pill. That worked, but those pills are very expensive for every oops you have. Then I began to take birth control in Feb 07 and I stopped the because pill the last week of feb, because I thought I was pregnant. I had uprotected sex again in March 07 and luckily I still had hormones in my system from the previous month. Even though I had a feeling I was pregnant because I was 5 days late but I then got my period. But like you said I can't be gambling wiith my health and my well being.

Thanks,

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Originally Posted by Mysticfairy21

He was my.....1st....so he says what should I worry about if I haven't been with anyone else.

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What? If he was your first, then HE has nothing to worry about, not the other way around, Mystic!

I already told you what I think about his excuses (and the one he is giving you now is the most selfish and lamest excuse in the book!) in my other post so I'm not going to preach to you.

The more you are telling me, the more underlying problems I'm starting to see. You must not think your own life is worth much if you are risking your own health so he can have more pleasure. Please take some time to figure out what is going on with YOU.

Again, I strongly advise against bringing a baby into this situation so please use your head and think before you act to please him.

The more you explain the less I trust this guy. Getting you pregnant and dependent on him is what I think is going on, and him being your first means you have no experience, and are totally blinded by him. Sorry that's just the way its looking to me. Use protection.

I know your right!! I have to think about myself first because I do think he is being selfish just so he feels more pleasure, and I don't think it's fair. I guess I just go with the fow because I am so in love with him. But I have to see past that because I might get pregnant, and I'm not even ready mentally, emotionally and financially. I'm going to talk to him and tell him if he cares and loves me like he says then he will use a condom to protect me and prevent a pregnancy because were not ready. I rather be completely ready for a baby, then being unprepared and bringing a child into the world in these circumstances.

Thanks,

This situation reminds me of the war in Iraq- It feels better to shoot first and ask questions later-

I will not feel sorry for you if you get pregnant or a disease. I will be pissed if I find out my tax dollars are paying for your stupidity though.

In this scenario, I think it's more your fault than his. You have the ability to stop the problem. You have to realize you are not a victim here. You are in control. If he doesn't like your decision, you can move on to someone who will.

The reality is that you can get sex from just about any guy. I'm sure you can walk into a bar, hold out a condom, and say "who's next", and you will be overwhelmed with the amount of jacka*ses that will have enough respect to use a condom. Where is the problem?

I think the real issue is that you are putting more value on the sex than you are on your dignity. If you don't like something, then change it. Us guys are easy to replace.

Your totally right, and I'm sure that whatever happens always happens for a reason, and that maybe something better is in store for me.

Thanks

No trust him

Don't worry I will think more about myself, and most definitely use protection and of course I will have a baby when I am ready for one and my partner is as well. I have to admit your words are a bit harsh but truth hurts but trust me it helps me so I thank you for that. It's always best to speak the truth, than to beat around the bush. I see what your saying so your comment is appreciated. I truly believe I have to look after my health, and looks only last so long and the only thing your left with is your health. I rather be healthy and disease free than to have a baby in these circumstances. Because it will then be my fault like you said for bringing a baby into this world unprepared.

Thanks Again

See u need to find out if he's cheating don't listen to people people always try to get me and my man broke up

I know what your talking about because ever since me and my boyfriend have been together their has been people in our business since day 1. I hear stuff all the time but I ask him and we talk about it and I just think people talk because their jealous and want what you got. How should I go about finding out if he's cheating on me?? It doesn't seem like it because we talk everyday and we see each other all the time. It's just this ex-gf of his that keeps butting in and trying to break us up. I feel like she is frustrated and cant't stand the fact that we are together So, she feels that she has to make up these things to distrub my peace of mind. I feel that I shouldn't let her take my peace of mind away because she's just wasting her time and I'm not leaving him because I love and trust him, but I do question some things but I can't just ignore them... Please give me advice on this!!

Thanks

His refusal to use a condom is slam-dunk evidence that he's a selfish jerk who cares more about his pleasure than about your life, future and happiness. Drop him like a hot rock and don't ever have sex with him again, condom or no condom.

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but I can't just ignore them... Please give me advice on this!!

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Slow this train down and think with your head instead of following your heart.

Unprotected sex is a negative. If he is willing to have unprotected sex with you, then he may have done so with the other girl and it may be true that she is pregnant. I know you may not believe it, but that is what unprotected sex does. You may want to take a step back and think about the serious implication of both of your options. If you are unsure about him and not married to him, why would you want to bring a baby in the equation?