My husband received a letter in the mail from a girl who he dated for a few weeks 14 years ago. She is saying he has a son. He respond back saying that he will like to do what is the right thing however he request a paternity test in order to continue with this situation, she agree. The DNA test was sent to her house and my husband checked to see if she had sent it and it had not arrived. After 3 weeks he sent her an email to confirm she received the box with all the information in it. She reply she had. She said she was going to send it back. It's been 6 weeks and no samples have been sent back to be tested. What should we do now??

Wait for the court ordered DNA test... private DNA tests are generally not going to be accepted when it comes to child support... which can only go back to when she files for it... not when the child was born.

In fact... do not agree with anything but a court ordered DNA test... and don't agree to anything until that test comes back positive.

Meaning he can't be held responsible for the last 14 years of suport since it was never filed for, but if it turns out it is his... he will probibly he responsible for the next 4 (its 18 some places.. 21 some others).


The fact she waited 14 years to say anything sounds fishy. I'd never agree to a private DNA test... you never know what the motives are.

I agree with smoothy. I don't know what test your husband sent. But that's not the way I would have handled it. I would have told her to file for child support and have the court order a DNA test.

My answer won't be any different than the other two. Don't do anything else. Not until ordered by the court. That way it is a reliable result and everything (child support, visitation, custody) can be dealt with at the same time by court. Fourteen years is a very long time. It just doesn't sit well with me that she all of a sudden had an epiphany and everything was clear about the child's father.

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Originally Posted by stinawords

Fourteen years is a very long time. It just doesn't sit well with me that she all of a sudden had an epiphany and everything was clear about the child's father.

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My suspicion here is that she thought the father was someone else. That for some reason, that person discovered he wasn't the father and that has sent her scrambling to find a father.

Ok the story is like this she send a letter to our house letting my husband know just that the he had a son Off course there was so many questions/confusion.My husband reply to her and said OK no problem but is been 14 years and in order for me to continue we need a DNA test she agree to do a DNA test my husband paid for a private DNA since she is not coming at him with CHild support in fact she said I don't want any money etc... I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW HE IS YOUR SON but then again he only dated her for 2-3 weeks so my husband paid for a DNA test private since she is not coming at him trying to get $$$ but he can't just say O OK I have a son what is his name? Off course he needs to do a paternity test before anything even if she is not asking for child support so my husband send her a paternity test to do at home send to DNA laboratory in order to continue with this case.She has not summit NOTHING SO... he is wondering why?? If she sends a letter 14 later and the "Father" is coming out positive and willing to find out what is holding her back now?? I don't think he should keep asking if she has confirm to receive the DNA sample to do at home and she has not send it WHY the wait?? Not sure what else he needs to do.

I guess my question is should we send another email asking why she has not send it or just leave it alone is driving my husband crazy not knowing if he is or not the father. And for her to do this to the Kid wich I really hope he is not aware of this is not right. And also to come and deliver some news to our family like this and then just not do a DNA test is so fishy. If I was her and after sending the letter the FATHER reply like my husband is I would have done it ASAP so at this point the question is more Should he leave it alone or should HE request a Leagal DNA test with the court since she send this to him. I know this is something that's going to drive him crazy the WHAT IF IT IS MY SON what if he needs me?? I don't know how to help him. We have only been sending emails she did provide a phone but she dosen't look like the type that can carrie a good ending conversation plus my husband didn't even remember her at all. On top of that she was a stripper then WITH ALL THE RESPECT to them but what does she expect!!

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Not sure what else he needs to do.

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As others have written, he doesn't need to do anything.

If he insists upon knowing, he could do the following:

1. Hire a private investigator to determine if there really is a child. It is possible that she is making the whole thing up in order to pull his chain for some reason.
2. If she does have a child, hire an attorney where she and the child lives, and file for paternity testing and visitation. Understand that, if it turns out the child is his, OP's husband will end up paying child support.

This doesn't seem like a plot to get money, but more a kid finding out about his dad. Maybe this woman is just getting him ready for a knock on the door, someday by this kid, but as the others have said, do NOTHING at all until more is asked of you since she doesn't want money.

I have no clue why she didn't send the test in, only she does, and I sure wouldn't speculate. You can read up in the "Missing Persons Forum" the many mostly adults, looking for biological parents to see how prevalent it is to want to know who there real mom and dad, is often having great foster/step parents.

Your husband is under no obligations unless a court says so, or he wants to be. It only takes less than an hour to be a parent. I would do nothing until then, or some one knocks on the door.