Hello, maybe some of you remember my post a while back about my girlfriend situation. I have a question doday, which is how to deal with our current conflict.

Here's the situation:

Ok, so I asked her to have better phone courtesy about 3-4 weeks ago. She reacted defensive and angry at the commet. I asked her to do this because we spoke on the phone and I asked her if shed call me back after 9pm. She didn't call me back at all, but I called her back around 1 30 am. Left her a messege. Anyway the next day we spoke on the phone and she asked me what was the matter, and I told her

She became defensive, "whatever!" etc. you get the gist. So later that day we spoke again, and we managed to speak calmly about the issue. I felt it was an issue because she does this too often, supposed to call me and doesn't. Mind you that I don't do this to her.

Now skip forward to this past weekend. I was hanging out with my friends on Friday. I talked to her that evening, probably around 11:30pm, she asked me to call her before I went to bed. I was tired and stayed out late, so I didn't call her. The next day I spoke to her in the evening, she asked me why I didn't call her the previous night, so I told her that. She paused for a while, then soon after we got off the phone.

This left me angry because I think someone who doesn't follow what I asked them to do shouldn't be upset when they don't get the same in return. I didn't do it on purpose, but I didn't think "i must call her" either.

Now as a result she didn't call me for 3 days so far. I have called her about once each day to keep doors open on my end, but she hasn't called me Today when I brought it up to her on the phone, I told her that I know what is going on, she had no positive response but to yell and say she'll talk to me later. Please some advice? What is she thinking and why is she being a hypocrite towards me. When I bring up something that bothers me she always gets defensive and doesn't treat me the way she now wants to be treated ex. Now she is mad because I didn't call her yet she doesn't have the same phone courtesy with me.?

Thanks all!

Any advice?

Nobody likes to be put in their place and you kind of did that with your girlfriend by not calling her, even though you didn't do it on purpose. She doesn't see it that way. It also seems that communication is not as good as it could be between you two otherwise this situation would have been talked about and dealt with already. It sounds like she is very mad, but I don't think it is just because of the whole phone situation. Is there anything else going on in your relationship? This whole situation could just be getting blown out of proportion because there is another problem that just hasn't been discovered yet.

I agree with you totally, I think she got "what goes around comes around", however she couldn't haldle what she already has done to me. I did not do this on purpose, however I didn't feel like I must call her either, its not something that she followed herself. Yes I do think there is another problem here, however I don't know what it is. And she is very defensive, or she pretends that everything is OK. I can't stand it. You see I did call her back to see if she was OK the last time. She said that she was fine, but you could tell that was bs. What would you advise me to do in order to get her open with me?

Any advice?

First let me say that I did not read your post a while ago, so I am going from what is written here.

Now..

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

Ok, so i asked her to have better phone courtesy about 3-4 weeks ago.

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That is not very nice. It is all how you go about it. If you did it the way you did it here, I do not blame her for getting defensive.

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

I asked her if shed call me back after 9pm. She didnt call me back at all

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Could she have been tired and gone to sleep?

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

but i called her back around 1 30 am. left her a messege.

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YOU DID WHAT!! YOU CALLED HER WHEN??

I tell you, if anyone ever calls or had ever called me at 1:30 am they better be in the hosiptal or in jail. You want to talk about having courtesy, this is NOT courtesy!!

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

anyways the next day we spoke on the phone and she asked me what was the matter, and i told her

She became defensive, "whatever!" etc. you get the gist.

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And you know what, I don't freaking blame her!! Who are you, her father?

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

I felt it was an issue because she does this too often, supposed to call me and doesnt.

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If you don't like it, break up with her. But you are not her father, and you are not her boss.

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

she asked me to call her before i went to bed. I was tired and stayed out late, so i didnt call her. The next day i spoke to her in the evening, she asked me why i didnt call her the previous night, so i told her that. She paused for a while, then soon after we got off the phone.

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And you got pissed because she did not call you back. Hmmmmm, isn't this the pot calling the kettle black!!

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

This left me angry because i think someone who doesnt follow what i asked them to do

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And just who do you think you are? FOLLOW WHAT!! FOLLOW WHAT YOU ASKED? Just who do you think you are?

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

Now as a result she didnt call me for 3 days so far.

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And I don't blame her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

Today when i brought it up to her on the phone, i told her that i know what is going on, she had no positive response but to yell and say she'll talk to me later.

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And again, I don't blame her.

Just who do you think you are?

This is a VERY controlling relationship. Time to break it off with her and review what exactly what it is you want out of life.

Sorry, but all I can say is that you don't know what you are talking about. Simply put, you really don't. Though you give comments, you don't answer my question. I would like to deal with this in a positive way with my girlfriend, all you advise is break it off with her. You know what you are full of it, that's no advice.. why the hell should I hold something in and not talk to her about it?is this what you do in your relationship? I doubt that is a good idea, go to hell..

Actually they seem right on topic, it is just that you don't want to admit any fault to some of your actions, one person doing wrong is not an excuse to do wrong. It is a reason to break off a relationship if it is not working, or to talk about it.

And I will add, that if you call someone at 1:30 am, you need to be in the hospital, calling at that time is called harssment not being nice.

It sounds like it may just be time to move on to the next relationship with things learned, not all work out

And yes talking about things helps, but sometimes too much truth told at the wrong time or in the wrong way does not help either.

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

why the hell should i hold something in and not talk to her about it?

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Show me where I posted that you should hold it in. You should never hold something in, but you should discuss it in a contstructive manner, not a destructive one, which is what you seem to be doing.

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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

is this what you do in your relationship?

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Nope, we are adults and discuss our problems as such this is why we have been together for 16 years.

The best advice is that you learn relationship skills as you seem to have none.

Are you that petty to demand how someone should treat you? Your playing a kids game that borders on control. You want advice?? Well start by getting over yourself!!

What Tal said. You're both being petty and childish. This is a fight about nothing. Get over it.

I asked for "advice" how can I talk to her in a positive way? Real help, not opinions with no sulutions please, some of you only love to see your comments on other peoples problems instead of helping them positively

Sorry not what you wanted to hear, but the consensus is your attitude is lousy, and she is sick of it. Drop the games and attitude and the results might be different.

I think a lot of the advice in this thread is extreme, particularly from JS and tal (you crotchety old man, you!)... However, speaking from experience, you should only worry about what you see in front of you and absolutely nothing else. It's all guess work, other than what you can touch with your own two hands.

Are you sure this relationship is for you? I know you want to 'work' through things but if these are the sort of problems you're going to have you may wish to look inward for peace and then find another way to go before worrying about what you can do in terms of a relationship. There's no need to cut this person from your life, but there's a big difference between finding love and finding a waste of time... This sounds like a waste of time.

Do you think you deserve love? It may be the time in your life to figure out how you're best going to find it.

I understand how you feel LBP, however, from reading the OP, and knowing my psych, it seems rather obvious that this person shows some signs of control and/or abusive personality.

It is quite obvious that he is at least verbally abusive as I have had to remove some "choice" words already.

We had lecture on domestic violence yesterday and a seminar on it today, so it is fresh in my mind.

I just can't see making a big deal over phone courtesy, sorry. And for the record I may be crocthety, but I ain't old.