Ask Me Help Desk - Will A Fresh Start Make A Difference?

Will A Fresh Start Make A Difference?

Hi everyone. In a nutshell, I've been working with a therapist for a year now. She and I both agree that an integral part of my "healing process" will be finding a new place to live and starting over, far enough away from the people that have played a large role in the development of some of my mental health issues. I would very much appreciate being able to hear from people who decided to take the plunge, move and start over someplace new. How did it turn out? Did you regret it? Did it really help with moving your life in a more positive direction? What was the most difficult part of the move/transition? Any advice? Thx so much for your input! http://pics3.city-data.com/forum/ima...lies/smile.gif

Are you going to take any mental health issues with you, or are they bound up in your current location?

I will be taking some issues with me (working on asserting boundaries, depression, etc.), but the doc and I agree that due to the very intrusive nature of my family, moving out of state is the best solution where I can have some peace to work on myself and build my own life.

Will you have a therapist there to be accountable to (who knows your history)?

Fresh starts only work if you can leave ALL of the issues you had behind you. The more you bring with you the more likely the whole cycle will start all over again.

I dropped out of college partly to break all ties with my mother. I can't say it worked out, but I don't regret it. I was aimless for a long time, not realizing yet that I had tried so hard to make my mother happy, and that it wasn't possible, and I had no sense of what I wanted for myself, or who I was, all that trite stuff.
You make decisions. You act on them. You evaluate what you have done, and make more decisions, and act on them. There rarely is anything neat and orderly about the transition.
After 67 years, I no longer wonder about what would have happened had I made this one, that one, a third, a tenth, and a 200th one differently.
I can't agree with smoothy this time, because I don't believe that it is possible to leave all behind you. Trying to think that way sets you up for a fall, because it's 'all or nothing' thinking. Of course some of your quirks and moods and behaviors will go with you. You learn as you go, and change bit by bit.
I wish you a good new life that is all your own, complete with mistakes and setbacks. It will be what you make of it, with a dollop of chance mixed in.

My only concrete suggestion is to move somewhere where you aren't totally alone at first. It would be nice to have even just one friend or relative nearby, or as a roommate.

In addition to what smoothy said, you will meet people who are very much like your family members, who will relate to you in the same way, and who will unconsciously drag you back into interacting as you did in past relationships. If you haven't already, do some role playing with your therapist as a tryout for how you manage tense and unhappy situations.

There you have it - 2 people have one kind of advice, 1 another. How do you feel about what we have said?

Because you and your therapist have decided this is the best course of action- for you to move- then the first thing you have to do is start making those arrangements.

What I've found, personally, in the often daunting task of moving, is that the more you accomplish in reaching that goal, the more confident you'll feel.

For example, if you had a list of things you needed to do, which might include housing, enrollment in a new school, a GP, etc. then start organizing that.

Small steps. After you have a list that is workable, then start at the top, and work yourself through it.

Each step will help you find the confidence to move to the next step.

Once the major issues are out of the way, then start exploring your new location. Find out where there are things that interest you- shopping malls, museums, student clubs, etc.

Involve yourself in activities that you enjoy, and you'll meet like minded individuals.

What it all will add up to is independence. I've moved many times over the country and back, and can tell you that from one familiar place to the next unfamiliar place seemed like going to mars. I never thought anything or anybody would feel like 'home'.

But, it does happen that you will feel comfortable, and familiar with where you are living, and the new friends and activities you enjoy will only add to feeling grounded and confident.

One step at a time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

There you have it - 2 people have one kind of advice, 1 another. How do you feel about what we have said?

I feel confident in being able to move. I'm sure I will make mistakes and stumble, but at this point moving forward ungracefully seems better than not moving forward at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Because you and your therapist have decided this is the best course of action- for you to move- then the first thing you have to do is start making those arrangements.

What I've found, personally, in the often daunting task of moving, is that the more you accomplish in reaching that goal, the more confident you'll feel.

For example, if you had a list of things you needed to do, which might include housing, enrollment in a new school, a GP, etc. then start organizing that.

Small steps. After you have a list that is workable, then start at the top, and work yourself through it.

Each step will help you find the confidence to move to the next step.

Once the major issues are out of the way, then start exploring your new location. Find out where there are things that interest you- shopping malls, museums, student clubs, etc.

Involve yourself in activities that you enjoy, and you'll meet like minded individuals.

What it all will add up to is independence. I've moved many times over the country and back, and can tell you that from one familiar place to the next unfamiliar place seemed like going to mars. I never thought anything or anybody would feel like 'home'.

But, it does happen that you will feel comfortable, and familiar with where you are living, and the new friends and activities you enjoy will only add to feeling grounded and confident.

One step at a time.

This is a great idea! I read this a few hours ago, and actually composed a list. I've decided to dedicate myself to engaging in an hour or two of moving-related activities per day. It seems much less intimidating and overwhelming that way, especially since I am pretty much doing it all myself.

I think that yes that is a great idea. I went through hell at one stage in my life and that's exactly what I did. Me and my partner decided to move to another country one day and within a month we did. Didn't have much money to start with so it wasn't easy. I was the most anxious I have ever been as I am not the one who embraces change with open arms. But after few months, once settled in, we got jobs, nice place, amazing new friends, great nature outdoors. It was the best decision I have ever made. Offcoarse I still had to work on my problems every day but change of environment definitely was a huge factor and I am never going back. Feels like home now. Hope this helps in your decision :)

Yes, I would also say, do not over plan, sometimes people will take months and montsh to plan, then never do it.

My wife, son and I, decided in June of 2012 to move to China (from America) by middle of August we were living there.

Greatest thing we ever did.

** I moved from Texas to New York, in two weeks once ( company requierd move)

Starting over, also meams leaving good friends, and the bad ones, it means having to make new friends, it means new people will hurt you.

You can never run away from problems, only go to a area where new problems start