Ask Me Help Desk - Distant after Vday.

Hi Team,

Quick background here. I have been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now, nothing too serious and Three dates or so. Things have been going really well, texting a lot, making her laugh, and even staying at her place twice (no sex yet).

I asked her to be my valentine and we had a lovely evening with again nothing too serious, just fun. She even got me a small gift for Valentine's day. In the afternoon we went to brunch and then parted ways for the day.

I sent her a funny text later in the day to which I got no response although I knew she had a girls night dinner. She did send me a snapchat later in the evening but that was it. I decided it was best to give her her space that night and just see if she contacted me which she didn't.

Now I'm over here trying to think back and figure out if something went wrong at some point which is never like me to care like this. The longest we have gone from not talking is right after vday? What do you think I should do? Keep giving her space or what?

Of course you keep giving her space so she can process things at her own pace. You have to make adjustments instead of worrying and risk acting desperate needy clingy, or impulsive. I mean chill guy, and keep living your life. I would be planning another date myself and not expect a bunch of small talk contacts, or gushing enthusiasm from her.

She probably has to catch her emotional breath after it all. 4 or 5 days seems reasonable. Until then live and don't worry. That everyday texting is for the birds in my opinion. You see how it makes you dependent on such contact and freaks you out when it stop. Your mind is already wandering to bad places of fear and insecurity.

Wait it out and see what happens. She doesn't have a commitment with you, so there is no rush to find out why she isn't contacting you. Be cool. It will look better on you then being needy.

I hope that, now being 2 days past Valentine's day, that she has contacted you.

It is hard to know what to do in the early stages of a relationship. Even harder, if not impossible, to figure out what the other person is feeling or thinking about you.

The worst thing you can do, for the next little while, if she hasn't contacted you by now, is let her make that move to call. You run the risk that she may be waiting for you to call, so don't leave that option on the table too long.

After a reasonable amount of time has past, maybe another two days, then send her a text, and ask if she'd like to meet for lunch on a specific day.

If, after doing that, she still does not return a call, then it isn't likely she will. Try to begin thinking about this as a relationship that just didn't work out.

I am confused about the timing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabresfan23

I asked her to be my valentine and we had a lovely evening with again nothing too serious, just fun. She even got me a small gift for Valentine's day. In the afternoon we went to brunch and then parted ways for the day.

I sent her a funny text later in the day to which I got no response although I knew she had a girls night dinner. She did send me a snapchat later in the evening but that was it. I decided it was best to give her her space that night and just see if she contacted me which she didn't.

If I am reading this correctly, you went out together on Valentine's Day (February 14, 2014.)

The next day, Saturday, February 15, you had brunch then went your separate ways for the day. You knew she had an evening out planned with her friends, but you still expected her to text and chat with you? While she was out with friends?

Now, you are concerned because it is Sunday, February 16, and you haven't heard from her yet. Is it even afternoon where you are?

There might be a chance that you may have come across as clinging and needy if you couldn't wait an evening/night to talk to her. You might try calling on the chance that she is waiting for you to get back to her after her 'snapchat'. But she may need a bit of space and time.

You are just getting to know each other. Three weeks isn't long enough to know a person's schedule or interactions with other people. She may have other obligations that she needs to handle. Romance may take a backseat to taking care of personal business. Understanding that the other person can't or won't be available all day every day is part of building a relationship. It is okay not to talk multiple times a day every day.

I have to be honest here...I just read your previous questions and most of them relate to this same type of situation with a different person. Everyone you go out with seems to suddenly need space. You may want to look at yourself and the way you handle things when you're with someone. Do you become too clingy right off the bat? There must be something going on because the only common factor in all of your previous questions that end in almost the same way is you.